The good news and the bad news
The good news is, choir went pretty well tonight, and I think our concert will not be a total disaster.
The bad news is, I am still not as comfortable with some of the music as I wish I was.
The good news is, The Jackass called twice while I was out at rehearsal.
The bad news is, I strongly suspect he only called because of this complicated network of friend-of-a-friend women and someone reading him the riot act.
The good news is, he called again after I got home.
The bad news is, I knew right from hello what was coming.
The good news is, I’m smart! And funny! And interesting!
The bad news is, I am not smart enough or funny enough or interesting enough to override the basic male instinct to FLEE FROM THE CHILDREN.
The good news is, I did not imagine that we had a great date.
The bad news is, when I got out my car keys and he saw the picture of my children dangling from my key ring he thought “what am I doing?”
The good news is, he was man enough to tell me the truth. Finally.
The bad news is, it still makes me feel like shit.
The good news is, I was polite. Mostly.
The bad news is, I wanted to scream and rant and rave and point out that I was concerned about exactly this and brought it up several times and oh, by the way, I’m not exactly shopping for a new Daddy for my kids. They have a father. I just want a man who is man enough to share me.
The good news is, I am relieved. I’m relieved to have some closure. I’m relieved it went no further.
The bad news is, I am so tired of this.
Tips for the mentally ill
The mentally ill would be me, of course; and maybe Joshilyn, but we are going to forgive her for planting the image of people buttering dogs in my mind on account of she is pretty and nice and a published writer. Also I’m afraid she might kill me in my sleep if I speak ill of her. (Haha! Just kidding, Joss! Don’t hurt me!)
Today I learned the following useful things:
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Love letters from the laptop
Brought to you this evening by my stellar, cheerful mood, and also the little bit of questionable alcohol I found in the way back of my fridge. And we all know that these are the classic ingredients for true wisdom (even if I did type that as “widsom” the first four times). Also by my deep abiding love of alliteration which is so very magnified in my tipsy state. Yay!
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I’m frozen!
Monkey turned to ice multiple times this morning. Tragic, really. I’d be asking him to do something like, say, put on his socks, and suddenly he would be stock-still intoning through nearly-motionless lips “Uh oh! He’s frozen in a block of ice!”
A good way to generate enough heat to melt a big block of ice is tickling, by the way. I’m just sayin’.
Chickadee has had a nasty cold for about four days, now. I know she’s sick because she produces the ongoing Symphony of Snot–you know the one, it’s that continuous snuffle-gargle sound–until I fall to my knees and cry out, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD please get a tissue and blow your nose!” (Her response? “Okay!”) Also she is more irritable than usual… not that that’s an easy feat, but yes, it is possible. These are classic signs of Chickadee Illness.
I am able to recognize these signs in my daughter not because I am a fabulous mother and have known this child for six and a half years, but because her room sounds like a TB ward at bedtime. Hacking cough for hours on end? Why yes, you’re sick. I’m brilliant.
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NOT okay. Not even slightly okay. Okay??
Up until very recently, I had always thought–nay, assumed–that I had a firm understanding of human nature and the English language. These two things are not inherently related; no. But together, they would lend a person (say, me) the insight necessary to interact with others in a productive manner, or at least to grasp why people do and/or say the things that they do.
Today it’s time to confront the truth. Thirty-three years of life; thirty-one of those spent talking nearly non-stop. And the reality is that my language skills or my interpersonal skills or–most likely–both are so insufficient as to be laughable.
It’s a marvel I’ve been able to fake my way through civilization for this long, really. A testament to my fortitude in the face of adversity, you might say. Or, you might just point and laugh. And I would deserve it, so go ahead.
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It’s started
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to the last couple weeks of craziness leading up to Christmas we go….
I love Christmas. In theory. Sometimes even in reality. But not usually. And the two weeks beforehand? I could do without.
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How to have a clean kitchen even if you’re a tremendous lazyass
Again, I share because I love. If it worked for me it can work for you! And it’s guaranteed to work or I will point at you and laugh really hard. Just kidding. But really not.
It’s foolproof; I promise! Only 27 simple steps!
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A handy single mom’s guide for Friday
When you have a life and a job, it’s Monday that you hate.
When you’re me, Friday wins the Most Dreaded Day Of The Week contest, hands down.
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So much brainpower, so little of import
*phone rings*
Me: Hey.
Her: Hey. How’s your day?
Me: Fine. Chickadee’s class sang at school. There were bongo drums. My head still hurts.
Her: But was it cute?
Me: Totally.
Her: Cool.
Me: I can’t get warm today.
Her: Me either. It’s gross out.
Me: Why does it seem colder when it rains in December than when it snows??
Her: That’s true. I dunno. Cuz it’s damp? Or something?
Me: We should be scientists.
Her: Yes. Except no.
Me: Fine.
Her: I was on the phone until 11:30 last night.
Me: Wow. Hey! Guess what I was doing last night!
Her: What!
Me: Not talking on the phone! No! Because my phone? Never rang!
Her: Oh. I’m sorry.
Me: Yeah, well. Maybe tonight.
Her: Maybe. I don’t know.
Me: Maybe.
Her: Men are too complicated.
Me: Yup. Also they suck. Not in the good way, most of ’em.
Her: Okay. Um. Hey! It’s cold out.
Me: Yeah, I’m freezing.
Her: So I’ll call you later.
Me: Okay.
Vote early, vote often
More blog awards? Why yes, thank you! Get your tush on over to the Best of Blogs Awards site and nominate your favorites in a variety of categories. This is your opportunity to make your voice heard about the best blogs out there that perhaps not enough folks are reading. Or just to give everyone vindication over the blogs everyone already knows are fantastic. It’s fun, it’s free, and there are prizes!
Why are you still here? Go!!