Tips for the mentally ill

By Mir
December 16, 2004
Category Detritus

The mentally ill would be me, of course; and maybe Joshilyn, but we are going to forgive her for planting the image of people buttering dogs in my mind on account of she is pretty and nice and a published writer. Also I’m afraid she might kill me in my sleep if I speak ill of her. (Haha! Just kidding, Joss! Don’t hurt me!)

Today I learned the following useful things:

  • It is possible to have a hangover from two drinks.
  • It is only marginally cheering, while hungover, to reminder oneself that this is mostly a result of being thin.
  • A woodpecker on the side of the house is undeterred by thumping on the wall.
  • A woodpecker on the side of the house does not, however, like it when you lift the shade, press your forehead to the window, and scream at it.
  • It’s probably okay to think to oneself that a tragic accident and resultant coma would be an acceptable excuse from a jackass who neglected to call.
  • But it’s not okay to wish there was a tragic accident and resultant coma.
  • The supermarket always has “Buy 1, Get One FREE!” on things that already come in massive quantities. Anyone need a sack of potatoes?
  • The supermarket sells beer and wine, but not liquor.
  • I’ve lived here for almost five years and I have no idea where my closest liquor store is.
  • It seems like having a bottle of liquor would prevent the problems inherent with consuming wine past its prime, but just not having any alcohol in the house will probably work just as well.
  • Water is good stuff.
  • That is, the cold kind to drink, and the hot kind to shower in.
  • When your hair hurts, it’s time to go back to bed.


  1. RockStar Mommy

    How DARE you have an alcoholic beverage with 2 children in the house! The absolute NERVE of some mothers! Next thing you know, you’ll be letting your kids play with baby powder…

  2. alektra

    Feel better soon. If you want, I can ask my friends where the liquor store is, so you can be secret-like. ;)

    Sides, how many could idyllic (cough, cough) New Hampshire have?

    Water is also good for people staving off the sinus infections, like me. I feel your misery.

  3. Marcia

    I hear you on the 2 drink thing. I had dinner (and 2 drinks; one mixed, the other wine) on Tues. night w/some old work friends. The next morning I was wishing that I didn’t have a planned Costco trip with my head feeling that way…

    P.S. Our supermarkets (in CA) have liquor, nyah nyah

  4. Heather

    Hey girl, I tried to call you yesterday after reading the frozen post and it was busy. And just for the record there was no message on my machine from you and your number was not on my caller ID! Maybe you were calling the wrong friends!!!!!
    I’m here and now YOU are out!
    PS; I know where the liquor store is, right next to the hallmark with all the sappy cards that make you really want a drink!

  5. joshilyn

    Buttered dogs? You ARE drunk…who would do such a thing! I am shocked! SHOCKED! So shocked I am leaving town — keep your chin up and I’ll talk to you when I return.

  6. Shiz

    Alcohol. Because tipsy is better than mad or depressed.

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