I’m frozen!

By Mir
December 15, 2004

Monkey turned to ice multiple times this morning. Tragic, really. I’d be asking him to do something like, say, put on his socks, and suddenly he would be stock-still intoning through nearly-motionless lips “Uh oh! He’s frozen in a block of ice!”

A good way to generate enough heat to melt a big block of ice is tickling, by the way. I’m just sayin’.

Chickadee has had a nasty cold for about four days, now. I know she’s sick because she produces the ongoing Symphony of Snot–you know the one, it’s that continuous snuffle-gargle sound–until I fall to my knees and cry out, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD please get a tissue and blow your nose!” (Her response? “Okay!”) Also she is more irritable than usual… not that that’s an easy feat, but yes, it is possible. These are classic signs of Chickadee Illness.

I am able to recognize these signs in my daughter not because I am a fabulous mother and have known this child for six and a half years, but because her room sounds like a TB ward at bedtime. Hacking cough for hours on end? Why yes, you’re sick. I’m brilliant.

And like most mothers, despite my best intentions, I need that in-my-face confirmation before I have the lightbulb realization of illness in my house. I thought Chickadee had just taken a extra helping of that special Little Girl PMS that she loves so well. Then it all became clear when she started coughing up lung matter all over the place. (Okay, if this is not true for other mothers, shaddup.)

So it shouldn’t have come as a huge surprise to me this morning when my sweet little boy got on my very last nerve. In addition to being frozen in ice multiple times over the last couple of days, my almost-five-year-old has been acting about two. He had a complete meltdown at the doctor’s office yesterday over fear of the staircase (??). He’s been asking to be carried a lot. He’s been bursting into tears over everything. Somehow he went to bed in underwear instead of a pull-up last night, and so–surprise!–he woke up in a puddle. This was, I’m pretty sure, the end of the world. Oh, the tears. The tragedy. And once I got him calmed down, he immediately became encased in ice.

And then when I tickled him, he started coughing. Oh, yeah. That.

Medicine was dispensed, children were soothed and sent off to school. I returned home and found myself thinking about how this is the worst possible time for the kids to be sick. Really, the timing just couldn’t be worse. Hopefully these are just little colds that will blow over.

… because my dad and stepmom are coming to visit this weekend and we haven’t seen them in forever, and we neither need cranky children nor to infect them…
… because my concert is this weekend and that’s all my already-guilty mommy-conscience needs, is an ill child to tend to or abandon for that…
… because I should be cleaning the house, although I’m not, and having a sick child at home will make that even harder…
… because WHERE THE HELL are these people who call themselves my friends, anyway? No one is answering their phone, and sure, they’re all busy with the holiday season, just when I feel my most lonely, they are unavailable, and that sucks…
… because this is the worst month of the year to hunt for a job but it is still perfectly logical to conclude that I will never work again and we are going to lose our house just as soon as I realize that I cannot afford it and give up that pointless fight…
… because I just don’t know that I can pull myself together enough to give anyone the extra they might need right now…
… because I refuse to turn the heat up because the last oil bill just about killed me, even though it is so cold in here that my toes are ice and my fingers are numbish and the thermostat claims it’s 66 so why the hell am I so cold in two sweaters and my fleece slippers…?
… because I just started coughing.

Oh. Apparently the kids come by it honestly. Hey, I’m frozen! Also grumpy as hell.

But I’ll suck it up. Because I’m the Mama. Also because the choir director informed me on Sunday that if I get sick before the concert she will hunt me down and kill me, and she hopes I have guardians appointed for the children because she isn’t kidding. (And if you’ve met her, you know she totally isn’t.)

Could somebody help me melt this block of ice?


  1. ken

    My thoughts are with you to get your family well for the holidays. That alone is so stressful. Really cold here, too. Haven’t got the latest bill yet, but I’m not looking forward to it. If I had the money I would better insulate the house. Like your situation, I don’t think there is a correlation between the thremostat and the temperature in the house. It is ridiculous to spend megabucks on heating, and still sleep in sweats with three blankets. Have a wonderful day today despite life’s frustrations.

  2. amber

    I completely sympathize with the job thing… I keep trying to figure out why I’m not getting anything positive back from the things I’ve applied for, and making myself feel oh-so-low…

    Then I realize that it’s Christmas… I doubt it’ll happen.

  3. Carmen

    Mir, if you want to chat, email me. I’d be more than happy to listen to you vent away – I’ll be your friend and listen to your woes.

    I’m cold, too, and we are down to half a house with the construction snafu that I posted about on my blog. I keep saying it will get better – after all, once you are at the bottom of the hill, there is no way to go but up. In my case, we probably will dig a tunnel and go even lower!

    Hang in there. January is coming. At least, I think it is.

  4. Randi

    I HAVE THE CURE!!! It’s called Chocolate Lover’s Favorite Cake topped with Whipped Cream. It won’t solve your problems, but at least you’ll forget about them for awhile! Seriously, though, try to enjoy the holidays!

  5. Ben


    Hugs, girl. Okay, way back when, when we were all so much younger, and we were getting all these ideas about being grown up?

    Why didn’t somebody WARN us that we’d have to deal with all this?!

    I would have gladly traded that stupid American History class where I had to learn which general led what army to burn what city if they could have offered “Reality 101: Shit you’ll have to deal with twenty years from now that for some reason has been left OUT of the soap operas and sit-coms and Cosmo magazine”

    All that said, I heartily support the chocolate / whip cream idea. Only they have this fudge sauce made with wine here? It’s to die for.

  6. Leila (step mommie)

    Hey, we’re coming soon, so just hang in there. I’m bringing warm and fuzzy boots for you, and I can also bring a turkey for everyone. As far as cleaning, forget it. Remember, we don’t see as well as we used to. Just rest and get well so that you can hit that high “h” this Sunday. I’ve never actually heard one before.

    PS: If the kids are still sick, I can take care of them Sunday, and your dad can lead your cheering squad at the concert.


    We love you!!!!!

  7. Sarah

    Hang in there!

    As I type this, I realize its not exactly uplifting, but I really believe that the job market is such crap right now that being a generally great candidate actually works against you. My husband has been looking more than full time for the past year. He’s been on probably over 100 interviews with not even an offer. He is a great guy (I’m biased,sure), has strong resume and an MBA from a top business school.

    It seems like the only people employers are interested in hiring is someone who has worked in the exact same job function at a different, better company for 20 years.

    The feedback he gets is insane, and I think you said it so well in a previous post–why would people be so dumb as to turn someone down for not having experience in something that might take two weeks to learn when you’re better than other people in every other way.

    “While you’re a strong candidate, you should know that this job requires our employees to use pens with blue ink, to take you lunch break at 11:45 and sit in a desk facing west. You indicated you used primarily black ink at your previous job, took lunch at noon and sat in a desk facing south. As much as we enjoyed meeting you, due to the large number of candidates with extensive black ink, 11:45 eating, west facing experience, we are unable to offer you a position at this time.”

    Hang in there…the market can’t get any worse than this!

  8. alektra


    If you need money for heat for your home, please put up a pay pal account so we can send you five bucks each as a thank you/Christmas present. I would LIKE to help you, you know.

    Feel better. You’re a sweetheart.

  9. Summer

    Zicam! Get Zicam NOW! The last thing you need is for YOU to be sick in this delicate almost-Christmas season. I used it the last time a cold invaded my house, and it worked. My cold was barely noticable and lasted only three days.

    I’m also of the opinion that keeping the house on the chilly side prevents the growth of germs. Yeah. My Russian MIL claims it’s healthy….

  10. jenni

    We’re having money problems also. We just got our four children over the flu. I have the humbugs!

  11. Hula Doula

    If you would call….I would answer! Simple as that.
    Your step mom sounds like a doll. SO…here’s the answer…DON’T clean your house, sit around and indulge in bon bons and then hit Target, (clearance section of course) then get your best clothes on and visit each place that either told you you were over qualified or not hiring and show them what they’re missing!

  12. dad

    Tell Hula Doula your stepmom is a doll and I can vouch for it.
    Hang in. The calvary is coming.

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