The good news and the bad news

By Mir
December 16, 2004

The good news is, choir went pretty well tonight, and I think our concert will not be a total disaster.
The bad news is, I am still not as comfortable with some of the music as I wish I was.

The good news is, The Jackass called twice while I was out at rehearsal.
The bad news is, I strongly suspect he only called because of this complicated network of friend-of-a-friend women and someone reading him the riot act.

The good news is, he called again after I got home.
The bad news is, I knew right from hello what was coming.

The good news is, I’m smart! And funny! And interesting!
The bad news is, I am not smart enough or funny enough or interesting enough to override the basic male instinct to FLEE FROM THE CHILDREN.

The good news is, I did not imagine that we had a great date.
The bad news is, when I got out my car keys and he saw the picture of my children dangling from my key ring he thought “what am I doing?”

The good news is, he was man enough to tell me the truth. Finally.
The bad news is, it still makes me feel like shit.

The good news is, I was polite. Mostly.
The bad news is, I wanted to scream and rant and rave and point out that I was concerned about exactly this and brought it up several times and oh, by the way, I’m not exactly shopping for a new Daddy for my kids. They have a father. I just want a man who is man enough to share me.

The good news is, I am relieved. I’m relieved to have some closure. I’m relieved it went no further.
The bad news is, I am so tired of this.


  1. Jenn

    I’m sorry that he turned out to be a jerk, but like you said, at least you have some closure. But didn’t he *know* you had kids before he called you? And he proceeded anyway, just to totally freak out and make you grumpy and irritable? Jackass, indeed.

    Are you sure you didn’t buy him the LL Bean slippers? Kidding!

    I admire your ability to be mostly nice, because my reaction would have been to rant and rave. You are a bigger person than I am! :)

  2. Busy Mom

    I sure wish I had something insightful to say. “That sucks” will have to suffice for now. I’m sorry.

  3. DaFFy

    Aww damnit! The ‘Run! She had kids!’ thing just plain sucks.

    But don’t give up. There ARE good guys out there – and you sure as hell seem to deserve one :)

  4. Snow

    When you’re ready to move westward and start a mommune where a whole bunch of divorced women make themselves into a co-op for family rearing, let me know. I think it could work. Because there are too many men who don’t want someone else’s children. We could hire a really handsome gardener for…services…and be otherwise self-sufficient.

  5. Kym

    His loss.
    You deserve so much better then that.

    Im sorry hon. *hugs*

  6. Erin

    Awwww, Mir!! If it makes you feel any better, I think you rock on about 20 different levels! And if I was a guy, I would TOTALLY date you. :-)

    Seriously, just be happy you found out NOW about this guy…before Chickadee and Monkey got attached, before YOU got attached, and before you woke up one morning with a hangover, an empty bottle of Jack Daniels in bed with you, a note on your pillow saying “great sex–next time I get to wear the handcuffs!” and no memory of what happened the night before. Not that I know anyone that’s happened to. I’m just saying.

    Oh, and to Mir’s dad, who I know reads her blog, I’m just making all that up. Honestly. Because I’m only trying to be funny and cheer her up. I’m normal, really. Ask Mir!

  7. vics

    Awww babe. and to think he seemed ok too.
    Ah well, nothing I or anyone could say will remove the shittyness of that, but at least you do have MANY online admirers and wellwishers, who knows – several people of my acquaintance have met a partner online (my mum is now engaged) just a thought…

  8. alektra

    After my mom left my dad and she and I moved in with her parents, my mom’s brother told her that no one would ever want a woman with a kid.

    He’s a moron.

    My mom had to put up with all the stuff you’re talking about. I remember dates and catching my mom crying (I was three). My mom is GORGEOUS and funny, etc. She drives me nuts, but the only thing that did keep guys away was, well, me.

    So! She’s married now, and guys are STILL hitting on her, even though she has a 26 year old and a husband. It’s not the kids, it’s not you, it’s an immature moron. And I cannot wait till you meet someone who is awesome enough to deserve you.

  9. Brian

    Sorry to hear about it, Mir.

    Think of the good side, you didn’t waste months and monthsof energy on him only to find out much later that he wasn’t the one.

    Men Suck!!

  10. Kristie

    Oh man. What a rat! I’m sorry he turned out to be a dud.

  11. Beth

    Nooooo! But at least, well, all the above things about finding out early & better off without & he did finally tell you … and, to confirm that there are good men who don’t freak out over kids – I know ‘cos found one.

  12. Ben

    What they said. I could tell you about there being tons of fish in the sea, and even with overfishing, the right one will come along eventually.

    I could say it was a damn good thing you didn’t get him slippers (and they are probably size 6, anyway).

    but all I wanna say is I’m truly sorry he got scared; I think he’s a fool to not even get to know you before making up his mind.

    Oh and BOBs? Aren’t freaked out by kids. Just in case you were wondering…

  13. Heather

    Wow. At least he had the decency to show is jackassness (okay, so that’s not a word!) now instead of months down the road after you’d invested time and energy into the relationship.

    Also, not all guys are like that. My cousin married his wife when her daughter was 2, and I swear my brother is actively looking for a woman with children.

  14. Lisa

    Damn loser, him not you.
    If I lived clsoer to you and had a penis, I would so date you. I would be grateful you had kids and weren’t going to bug me about having them.
    You a are funny and smart and attractive, someone is going to be so lucky to have you.

  15. susan

    I do feel your pain. I was told once when my daughter was about 3 that I wasn’t “very marketable”! But you know what I got along just fine by myself. And to be fair, I can understand how it might seem scary to get involved with a divorced person with kids. It doesn’t make you bad at all, it just means some people can’t cope with all the drama that comes with blended families and know enough not to get involved. Imagine if the you’d continued on and fell in love with the guy and then he decided he couldn’t deal with joining an existing family.

  16. Karen

    Well, DAMN. Dating sucks.

    But, hey, you’re out there again! This is good! He’s one you can scratch off your list! And besides — these little male diversions are good to pass the time until Mr. Right finally finds you…

    …hang in there, li’l buckaroo.

  17. jenni

    I wish men like that would grow up! Men are a lot more difficult then children and we still want them around!

  18. Shiz

    I am so sorry, girl. Why can’t guys just enjoy the experience and see what happens? Stupid batshit-crazy guys.

  19. annie

    i’ll be honest with you mir….if he’s 34 and still a batchelor, there’s a reason…and it’s him. yes, it was nice of him to be honest and tell you the why’s. but let’s face it….this guy is probably looking for the impossible…hence, the reason he’s still single. it’s also been my experience that the only man who isn’t afraid of a woman with kids is one who has kids of his own.

    i’m sorry this didn’t end up better. but please keep putting yourself out there. have some fun. don’t ever take it too serious. and don’t talk about your kids other than a “oh yes, i have two wonderful children and i love being a single mom”….until he falls so in love with you (and how could he not?) that the idea of a “family” doesn’t send him running to the “coward hills”.
    hugs girl…..

  20. Mike

    Schmuck. That’s all there is to say. SCHMUCK.

    If he only knew Monkey and Chickadee, he’d know that they’re one of the best parts of the package!! Along with one of the smartest, sexiest, funniest women around…the guy just has no clue what a bad choice he just made.

    Congrats to that guy _still_ out there who won’t make that mistake. And *hugs* to you, Mir.

  21. Betsy

    Been there. Had that done to me. It sucks.

    But I’ve also done that to someone else when it was clear that he (single guy, never married, never around kids) could ‘get’ the challenges of having kids & a busy schedule that wasn’t ever going to revolve around him.

    When he started equating his cat’s behavior to that of my 4 year old (at the time) in a very insistent way that didn’t allow for my four years of experience, uh, being her parent (not to mention the fact that I’d already raised one through that stage) – well, that’s when I knew he’d Never Get It.

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