A handy single mom’s guide for Friday

By Mir
December 10, 2004

When you have a life and a job, it’s Monday that you hate.

When you’re me, Friday wins the Most Dreaded Day Of The Week contest, hands down.

Do repack the sunbutter-and-jelly sandwiches that went uneaten yesterday. They won’t be eaten today, either, so why waste more food?

Don’t let on that that’s what you’re doing. It has the potential to cause a lot of whining during breakfast.

Do arrive early for the Holiday Musical Program at school.

Don’t sit on the opposite side of the gymnasium from where your child ends up standing. Moron.

Do go ahead and move to the other side. Quietly.

Don’t attempt to convey via elaborate pantomime to your daughter that she should please stop hiking up her dress and grabbing her crotch. The result will only be more dress-hiking and crotch-grabbing, but now with attention-drawing “WHAT??”s thrown in for added embarrassment.

Do take lots of pictures. Yes, even of the crotch-grabbing.

Don’t be insulted when your child lights up and runs straight to Daddy afterwards.

Do carry on a conversation with the air around you (“Why yes, I’m here too, thank you so much for noticing!”) until an appropriately abashed “Hi, Mama” is produced.

Don’t forget to admire and take home the ten-ton frosting-and-candy blob of a gingerbread house.

Do make loud comments about how you know what you’ll be having for lunch, now, while pretending to lick the gumdrop bushes. Feel pleased when one of your child’s little friends giggles, “Your mom is so weird!”

Don’t allow your camera to swing on its strap and whack the gingerbread house, sending one of the mini-candy-cane-toboggan-riding gummi bears deep into the recesses of your car. Moron.

Do have lunch and then take a nap. Hey, it’s Friday.

Don’t walk to the bus stop in the rain. It’s warm and dry in the car, you know.

Do round up the children and suggest a Fun Friday Evening of Fun! And! More fun!

Don’t actually start hyping them up until you’ve come up with a plan. Moron.

Do decide on some baking, and allow the kids to do most of the measuring and mixing.

Don’t get all excited and happy about the scent of banana muffins and then realize you still have to make dinner. Moron.

Do make pizza while the kids get into their pajamas.

Don’t threaten to just send them to bed early, without dinner, when they start running around the house naked. Simply suggest that hot pepperoni might not feel good on naked laps.

Do have a pizza picnic in the family room while watching A Christmas Story.

Don’t start singing “It’s beginning to look a lot like CHRISTMAS!” to annoy the children during every lull in the movie where they start to lose interest. Things like that are the reason why they like Daddy better.

Do let the kids stay up late. Maybe they’ll sleep in. Okay, they won’t, but let them stay up late, anyway. Someone should have some fun around here.

Don’t expect them to be any more agreeable about going to bed just because you let them stay up late.

Do resolve to enjoy your evening once the kids are tucked in. Your Friday evening. Your Friday evening all alone. Again.

Don’t just watch TLC all night. Again. Moron.

Do blog about your day and make light. Tralala! Life sucks! Teehee! Why? Just because. And misery loves company. Not that you’re miserable.

Don’t be surprised that none of your buddies are online. It’s Friday night! Moron.


  1. Rin

    Thank you hon for your comment, I just want you to know as a young single mother hon, you make it light for me and I truly admire your blog, you are SO real and down to earth I LOVE it! Have a great weekend hon@

  2. susan

    Hey, I’m home watching TLC on a friday night, too! I suppose it could be worse.
    Love your stuff.

  3. MomsyoMomsy

    It could be worse. You could cancel cable in the name of fiscal responsibility and be still be pining for a TLC Friday six months later. I don’t even know what the fall schedule is like. Sigh. Hang in there!

  4. Rebecca

    Nice to know I’m not the only one sitting here watching TLC tonight. Great list. I think I will hang it on my fridge. I love do’s and don’ts. Oh and the singing of It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas? that is so me. Luckily Audrey hasn’t caught on yet that it is annoying and embarrassing for moms to do stuff like that. But she does wipe off my kisses…

  5. RockStar Mommy

    You need to add me as an online buddy. I’m home EVERY Friday night. (Hell of a RockStar I am.)

  6. Jenn

    DO take pictures of your daughter hiking up her dress and grabbing her crotch to embarass her in front of future boyfriends.

    On second thought, maybe not, as teenage boys are perverts.

    You know what I missed on TLC tonight and I was sad, so sad? Clean Sweep. I’m not in the mood to watch Stacy and Clinton throw out everyones clothes. But damn if the Friday night lineup doesn’t inspire me to throw out (or at least attempt to throw out) all of my stuff.

  7. song

    Thankyou for describing my friday night so perfectly. Except suggesting that pasta on naked laps would not be good didn’t work in my case. In fact, I think he’s still naked. And probably grabbing at his crotch. Hope your saturday night is more funfilled and less with the whining about going to bed. Ciao

  8. lisa

    hey… I made it eventually… and not because I was having fun on a Friday night… we were out shopping for a gift for my mom with whom we are celebrating Christmas on Sunday as she is leaving for California with my sister on Tuesday so won’t be here for the real thing… (then we spent 3 hours cutting and pasting photos into a scrap book for a “special” gift for her)… It’s 2 am and I can’t sleep…

  9. lisa

    I forgot to say we found a couple of great photos (one crotch grabbing and another where my daughter, probably age 6, was strangling her cousing of the same age)also my son decided he didn’t like the naked one of him when he was a toddler and so he cut off the offending “bit” … I insisted that we needed a “comedy” page and found a funny picture of each of my kids…for grandma to laugh at…

  10. ben

    Sorry I wasn’t online, my computer was busy crashing for the umpteenth time after McAfee tried to scan for viruses.

    AND I was putting the kids to bed while they whined after being allowed to watch a movie BUT most of all I was busy crying myself to sleep over having no life.

    I feel better now…

  11. Jules

    Sorry I wasn’t here!! I had half my work clothes off when I was kidnapped for a (hellish, and I know you know why) drive through the dark to look at Christmas lights….and ended up at Walmart…where I had only wanted to get stuff so I could clean/change the water in my fish tank..and came out $212.46 later…

    Sooo..nope..no fun here either I’m afraid…

    ..For anyone who may have been wondering, yes, I was able to redress before being dragged out in the cold and rain

  12. alektra

    I was around. I usually am on friday nights, as I’m pretending to study. Sigh.

    You are their favorite, I’m sure. They just want to make sure that he DOES love them. They know you love them. Means you’re a good mom. ;)

    Sorry you had a bad day. No more Fridays for another 6 days, at least?

  13. Shiz

    Sounds like a good/bad/worse kind of day. Rward yourself with Lindt Chocolate Truffles.

    Mmmmm. Eat them ALL. AT. ONCE.

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