Long ago and far away, there was some debate as to whether our house contains a casino, and adorable little-kid word mix-ups aside, I think we determined that no, it does not. It never occurred to me that the day would come when I would also have to determine whether or not this here blog contains a casino, but apparently while I wasn't paying attention, that became a thing. Confused? I was, too. Allow me to explain. Sort of. You may have noticed (har har) that I don't write as much as I used to. My time and energy has turned more to other things, like sewing masks and dealing with people on...
Oh my goodness, it's been a week. Or two weeks. I'm not even sure. It all starts to blend together, you know? When last we spoke, I was enthusiastically embarking upon Project Rainbow, or---more specifically---the "simple" task of repainting the rockers from our front porch with some actual rainbows, and although it was slow going I knew I would triumph and be pleased. Well. At this point in time I definitely AM pleased, and one out of two isn't bad, right? I mean, look, they came out pretty okay: (That's not the front porch, by the way. That's the back porch, where I spent one gazillion...
February sucks. Everyone agrees that February sucks, yes? I am well aware of the February suckage, and so because I am a fairly self-aware and productive human who has been in therapy for most of her life (wheeeeee!), each and every February when things get hard I keep reminding myself: "February always sucks. This is normal. Just keep going, because this is a short month." That's good, right? I mean, I always feel really proud of myself while I'm doing that. No matter how long a person with depression deals with depression, one common feature of said depression (how many times can I say...
It's been a long summer. It's kind of continuing to be a long summer, for a billion reasons, and some of those reasons are boring and mundane, and others are heartbreaking and too hard to talk about, and still others just leave me feeling like a broken record. (Someday when we look back, will we refer to 2018 as The Year America Became A Flaming Dumpster Fire, or does that designation rightfully belong to 2016, with 2018 being more like The Year It Became Clear That Actually Women's Rights CAN Go Backwards or The Year We All Really Realized We Were Not Overreacting, Everything Truly Is...
Or, Snot: The Opera. Or, Tell Me Again Why I Thought I Liked Doing Theater? Or, My Children Moved Out And All I Got Was The Plague (Twice). Or, Someone Hates Me And It's Hurting My Delicate Feelings. Good morning! Gosh, this is early for me to be blogging. (As in, early in the day. I realize I disappeared for a month, again.) But WHY NOT, I say, because I am 1) awake and 2) far too cranky to do anything else. I've already gotten out of bed, made myself some tea, irrigated my nasal passages with saline (sexxxxxy), taken some of the good, meth-making kind of decongestant where you have to go...
Don't try to have a conversation with me this week. I will, at some point, mutter darkly about throwing away five pounds of PERFECTLY GOOD shrimp. It will not need to be relevant to the conversation for me to bring this up, either. I am bitter and it's stupid that I'm bitter and yet: five pounds of shrimp. It's become the focal point of every feeling I've had the past few months. But let's back up. When I last left off, we were mostly all about Monkey's immediate needs and making sure he was okay. It was all... well, it was a lot. Me imitating Oprah and randomly pointing and shouting "YOU...
Hey, remember last year, how the squirrels got into my tomatoes for the first time in forever, and I had unfairly blamed Licorice for a while before I figured it out, and then it became clear that the squirrels were just looking for water? Good times. And by "good," I of course mean "rage-inducing." By the end of the summer we'd already used up all of the tomato sauce I'd made, on account of having only made a few pitiful batches. Most of my tomatoes were stolen. Well. THIS YEAR would be different. Sure, it was dry out for a while, but then it rained for, like, a week straight. NO PROBLEM!...
I had grand plans for this summer. I did. This is the Last Summer, our last chance to operate as a family unit of 4 (if you believe the books with titles like Letting Your College Freshman Go and Once They Leave They're Gone; Whoops! Just Kidding! They're Back and Still Ungrateful and It's Perfectly Normal: Why Your Child Becomes an Asshole Before Moving Out) and Do Things. Except. Well, hey, we're Doing Things. Many things. ALL THE THINGS! Just... not so much as a family unit, it seems. Everyone's working. None of our schedules seem to sync up. When we finally have a day when no one has to...
You are just never going to guess what happened to me today. NOPE. NOT THAT. Why, today marks the fifth time in 4 years that my Discover card was hijacked. I have no idea why I'm so popular---or why the dirtbags who try to use it always go spend it so stupidly that Discover immediately catches on---but there you go. (Lest you think I exaggerate: I give you January of this year, August 2014, January 2014, and November of 2011, otherwise known as Saladgate.) Feeling a little light in the wallet? Just steal my Discover number. Everybody's doing it. Anyhoo. That put a crimp in my day, and so I...
