Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the house, I was still running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Actually, no. Tonight I am not doing that. That’s what I was doing earlier today.
You see, um, sometimes Santa has me help him out, a little? And I am of course impeccably organized? Except when I’m not…? So I spent part of today while the kids were gone tearing apart the house looking for some special stocking-stuffer candy I knew I had, but couldn’t find. This included a call to the friend who was shopping with me when I bought it.
Me: Do you remember when we got that stuff at Target?
Her: … Um, hi! I’m fine, thanks.
Me: Right, yeah, hi. Do you remember? Did I take my stuff? Do you know where I put it?
Her: I can check here…
Me: No, I think I took it. BUT WHERE DID I PUT IT?
Her: Was I supposed to get that information from you? I’m sorry.
Me: Okay, well, I have to go kill myself now. Talk to you later.
read more…
Win some, lose some
Eight gift baskets made it out the door this morning. Yay! But I forgot that it was “Polar Express” day in Monkey’s class, and so he was not properly attired in his pajamas and was quite angry with me. Boo.
I was pretty much curled up in a ball of misery by the time I went to bed last night, between the neck spasms and the migraine. Boo. This morning my head is fine and my neck is better than it’s been in weeks. Yay! (I didn’t see him today, but I feel certain that the chiroquactor donned actual shoes today. I’m telling you, it’s the sandals that cause problems.)
After dropping the kids with their dad I ran some errands and managed to find the ONE perfect gift I’d given up on locating. (I’d substituted something else, but now I don’t have to.) Yay! But then I thought hey, I was SO LUCKY here at this store, perhaps I will buy myself a new top or something to wear on Christmas! I looked around for nearly half an hour and found… one top which was 1) low-priced, 2) borderline acceptable, and 3) the right size. It had a small snag so I set it down and kept looking… and when I couldn’t find anything I decided to go back for it. And it was gone. Boo.
While getting ready to do some serious! power! wrapping! this evening, I managed to give myself a deep and annoying papercut while grabbing a roll of paper. Boo. (I guess it turns out that I really AM a delicate flower. I suspect there is a pea underneath my mattress, by the way.) But then I overcame extreme adversity (extreme adversity = scotch tape constantly sticking to the band-aid on my knuckle) to wrap a gajillion presents in record time. Yay!
It’s been two months since Hairgate. I’m finally starting to get a little bushy. So I called and made a haircut appointment for next week. Yay? Boo? I’m scared. But bushy. But scared. But at least I know that Santa is bringing me a new hat….
This will be short
My bed is calling me. It says “Sweet nothingness awaits you here! Come drool on my pillows and know bliss!”
I’m slightly disturbed that it’s talking to me, but as long as it says nothing about cookies, I’m down with the overall message.
Cookies. I baked five different kinds of cookies for eight different teachers. Figure half a dozen of each kind for each teacher. That’s… five times eight times six is… TOO MANY FREAKING COOKIES. Honestly, I have the biggest sweet tooth around, and after a solid day and a half of rotating cookies sheets in and out of the oven and preparing gift baskets I am actually nauseous at the thought of even LOOKING at any more cookies.
read more…
Excessive mommitude, now with more voodoo!
I have to update on my adventures with my chiroquactor (who called him that, in comments? I love that term, and have decided to hug it and squeeze it and call it George and use it always), but first I have to fill you in on the kids and the holidays and the BAKING. Oh my lord, the baking is taking over. I don’t know what is wrong with me.
Actually, I lie. I know exactly what’s wrong with me. I thought I was doing one thing for teacher gifts and then it turned out that even in trying to overestimate everyone we need to gift, there were more people than I’d planned for and my original idea was no longer doable because I didn’t have enough stuff to do it. Plus my original idea sucked. But now there’s only 2 more days of school before break and I refuse to shop at this point. REFUSE. So I went into the kitchen and the next thing I knew, it was carnage. Sticky, gooey, sweet-smelling carnage.
Be nice to me and I might even let you lick the beaters. (I lie, again. I already licked the beaters. Mmmmm… salmonella!)
read more…
Comments are fixed
Thanks for the eighty-two gazillion emails about the blog being broken. It’s better now.
I will do anything to put off wrapping
… including, apparently, participating in a meme. I’m thinking I’m really not looking forward to wrapping.
Sheyna tagged me with the Seven Sevens meme, and I’ve been trying to wash it off ever since. However, the bleach is starting to burn a bit, so I figured just doing it might be the best course of action.
(For those of you playing along at home in the “Chiropractor: Love or Hate?” game, updated tales of my progress in Whiplash Land will return tomorrow. Try to contain yourselves until then.)
Without further ado…
read more…
May I refill your water for you?
After not nearly enough practice, today was the day for my church choir to sing our Christmas cantata. Twice. Normally I go to the 10:30 service, but there’s also an early service. So today I had to be at church at 8:00. I’m sorry, let me say that again, slowly. I had to be. At church. At EIGHT O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. On a Sunday. When I like to be sleeping.
So the good news is that I dragged myself out of bed and made it there on time. Barely. And the other good news is that most of the people who go to my church are old and mostly deaf, so the cantata was very well-received. (Hey, there was nothing wrong with the music that about three more weeks of rehearsal wouldn’t have cured.)
The bad news is… well… maybe you should go grab a snack, first….
read more…
Bend me, break me
It’s been nearly two weeks since I totalled our beloved Sylvia, and by most accounts the memory is fading on schedule. I haven’t had a nightmare about the collision for three whole nights in a row! Monkey has stopped having nightmares and has sprouted fresh, pink baby-smooth skin to replace the scabby bits that dotted his forehead. Chickadee’s scar is hard to see unless the light is just right, and the bruising has disappeared entirely.
All is well! Right? Right! Well, mostly!
The thing is, my neck and back will get a little bit better and then get worse again. Or I’ll have a day where I think “Oh! All better now!” and then the next morning my neck will refuse to turn to the left. It’s becoming… annoying. Now, I’ve been taking my advil and my muscle relaxers and was sure the “whiplash: take it easy and ice as necessary” diagnosis made sense, but I kind of miss having a body that doesn’t hurt all the time. So. I decided it was time to get help.
read more…
Under the expensive boots are cheap athletic socks
I got to play grown-up today, the key word being “play” because it’s all an act. Sometimes I think I overestimate my awkwardness, or overstate how casually I tend to dress when I’m working at home and only going out to take the kids to school.
And then, I have a morning like today, when I put on my big girl clothes because I have a business meeting! I take the kids to school and every parent and teacher with whom I normally exchange a “good morning” or “cold today!” does a double take and asks me who died. By the third or fourth person, I’m seriously rethinking the theory that no one knows I’m still wearing my jammies if I’ve got my long coat on.
On the one hand, it’s great to hear a dozen “Wow, you look great today!”s before I go meet a client. On the other hand, it does tend to deflate one somewhat to realize that if EVERY SINGLE PERSON says that, it’s probably less about how nice I look TODAY and more about how CRAPPY I usually look.
read more…
Let the holiday insanity commence
It was 7 degrees outside this morning when I took the kids to school. I still haven’t thawed.
Thus begins the official season of me spending the next 5 months huddled next to the heating vent, applying hand lotion in a crazed, obsessive manner. No matter how well I may manage to clean myself up during the winter, my chapped hands always give me away. People, there’s a REASON we’re all better off with me working from home.
Anyway. An entire day of running around in the freezing cold has left me totally devoid of cohesive thought. (Yes, that IS different than normal. Normally I have cohesive thoughts that are dumb, sure, but they do follow some sort of progression.)
read more…