Twas the night before the night before Christmas

By Mir
December 23, 2005

And all through the house, I was still running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Actually, no. Tonight I am not doing that. That’s what I was doing earlier today.

You see, um, sometimes Santa has me help him out, a little? And I am of course impeccably organized? Except when I’m not…? So I spent part of today while the kids were gone tearing apart the house looking for some special stocking-stuffer candy I knew I had, but couldn’t find. This included a call to the friend who was shopping with me when I bought it.

Me: Do you remember when we got that stuff at Target?
Her: … Um, hi! I’m fine, thanks.
Me: Right, yeah, hi. Do you remember? Did I take my stuff? Do you know where I put it?
Her: I can check here…
Me: No, I think I took it. BUT WHERE DID I PUT IT?
Her: Was I supposed to get that information from you? I’m sorry.
Me: Okay, well, I have to go kill myself now. Talk to you later.

I found the missing bag about 15 minutes later. When I called my friend back, she didn’t pick up. She may have been screening calls on account of strange people who call her all in a tizzy over giant candy sticks and think she should be telepathic. I’m not sure. Anyway, I’m a lot more succinct when I’m not panicking.

Machine: … so leave us a message and we’ll call you back!
Me: Found ’em! *click*

Then I assembled everything I still needed to wrap and cut and measured and taped my little heart out. While watching the Cartoon Network, which we’ll say was because I missed the kids. By the way? The Powerpuff Girls saved Christmas.

While wrapping, I needed something to munch on. Fortunately for me, 1) my ex works with people who like to give him food and 2) he doesn’t eat candy. Earlier this week he gave me a box of wrapped chocolate mints that he claimed to have gotten from someone who went to Finland. I was a little nervous, because the last time he offered me food from a vendor, it was preserves from Sweden. And I had been all “Oh! Jelly! I like jelly!” But then I quickly discovered that the reason he was pawning it off on me was because in Sweden they apparently make all manner of things into jelly that SHOULD NOT BE JELLY. Like… carrots!

I did not like the carrot jelly. I did not like it, Sam I Am. It was CARROT JELLY. So. Wrong.

But this time, I figured, hey, it’s chocolate! And mint! What could be wrong, there? So as I was wrapping I went and retrieved the box and unwrapped a mint and tried it. I was relieved to discover that–despite being the approximate size and appearance of chihuahua poop–these candies taste exactly like Junior Mints. Perfect wrapping food, really.

Along about the third one, I realized the candy wrappers had writing on them. “Fazer Mints” they proclaimed. Fazer Mints? I instantly regretted spending the day alone, as a bevy of incredibly geeky Star Wars jokes sprang to mind. I went right ahead and used the force (get it? get it??) to open another while I chuckled.

(Okay, maybe it was good that I was alone….)

At last I had everything done and tossed under the tree. Hmmm. Doesn’t look like so much now that it’s done. But I assure you that me and my fazer mints worked hard! And that the kids came home and peeked and poked and danced around singing TWOOOOOO MORE DAYS TIL CHRIIIIISTMAS. The spirit of the Lord was truly upon them, yessiree.

The children bounced off the walls and the floors and each other and it was all fun and games until Monkey landed on Chickadee’s head, and then it was quite tragic, but they’re both asleep now. Tomorrow we plan to watch movies in our jammies until it’s time to meet friends for dinner and church.

I spent some time laying on the floor of the living room tonight, in the dark, just watching the tree lights twinkle. It’s very soothing. I especially like looking directly up at the star and letting the other lights play in my peripheral vision. I end up feeling rather melancholy, but not in an unpleasant way. It’s hard to explain.

From my house to yours, I’m wishing you all a very merry Christmas or [insert holiday of choice here] this weekend. May we all focus on what’s important and let the rest fall away, even if only for a short time.


  1. Cori

    Merry Christmas, Mir. I know the melancholy feeling. It’s not a bad thing.

  2. karen

    Happy Christmas Mir! Thanks for keeping me company all year with your wonderful writing.I hope the new year brings you all that you would wish for.

  3. Chookooloonks

    And Merry Christmas from our home to yours right back. It’s been wonderful getting to know you over the year. May 2006 bring you all your heart desires!


  4. udge

    Pleasant seasonal festivities to you and yours too! May 2006 be full of joy, and short on accidents.

  5. Denise

    HELP ME! You found your missing stocking stuffer candy, WHERE? Maybe I hid my father’s PERFECT gift in the same exact spot in my own house! I ordered this in November. From eBay. It’s the first. time. I’ve. gotten. my father. the. PERFECT. gift. EVER. And it is MISSING! HELP!!!!

    I’m glad you found your candy. sorry for the histrionics here in your comments. I’ll be ok. After I kill myself. ;-)

  6. David

    I’m one of those Christmas tree lights in the dark watchers, too. It is peaceful and relaxing, isn’t it? Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  7. Sharkey

    Merry Christmas, Mir, Chickadee, and Monkey. Thanks for your wonderful posts all year long.

  8. Nothing But Bonfires

    Seriously, you MEASURE?

    I’m so impressed. The Fazer Mints obviously meant the wrapping didn’t PHASE you a bit!

    Wow, I’m so glad I’m alone while I’m laughing at my own (horrific) joke.

    Happy Christmas. Amen to letting the rest fall away.

  9. Shiz

    Merry Christmas, Mir! Blessings and joy!

  10. poopie

    Oh how I do so love it when the Spirit of the Lord descends on the chitlins ;) Merry Christmas to the Mir household.

  11. LB

    Merry Christmas to you too!

  12. Hiai

    Merry Christmas, Mir. May your holiday be as bright as your wit, which is usually very bright indeed. Thanks for all the inspirations you’ve given throughout this year. I’m looking forward to more of the same for a long time to come. And may the Lord bless and keep you and your family safe, healthy, and happy all this season and through into the New Year.

  13. meghann

    Merry Christmas! I just have to ask where you got that star on your tree?

    p.s.-I bought the giant candy sticks at Target as well. Thankfully I know where they are!

  14. Elena

    Wow, Mir, I LOVE that star! I have never seen one like that with the angels flying in a circle around it. Very cool. We had a spiral outdoor tree for our Xmas tree this year, and I was even able to post a picture of it on my blog. A first! Come by & see, and leave a comment, because

  15. Amy-GO

    Merry Christmas, Beautiful Tulip! To you and all of yours.

  16. Kestralyn

    I am a hopeless fool. It’s Christmas day, and here I am hoping that maybe Mir has posted something wonderfully touching or funny (or both!) about her Christmas day with Chickadee and Monkey. I have an addiction!

    Merry Christmas!

  17. Cyli

    Happy Holidays to you and yours dear lady!

  18. Lizzy'sMom

    I’m a couple of days late, spending time with my family, not the computer. Mir, I hope the new year brings you true peace and joy. I love reading you. Your children are precious, they get it from their Mom.
    I LOVE your star, wish I could find one similar. I too am a light watching in the dark kind of gal, our 7 foot fake tree has a spindly top, and I’ve gone through a couple of different angels, but still am not satisfied.
    But, I’m rambling. Merry Christmas and Very Happy New Year..

  19. joaaanna

    It’s after Christmas and I’m catching up on all my blogs. I had to say that I love your star with the angels! Gorgeous!

    Oh yeah – MEASURING? Huh?

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  20. AuntieRob

    I know it is way past Christmas, but I just discovered your Blog through countless other blogs and I enjoy reading it soooooo very much that I am now going through the archives.
    I absolutely love your star/angels circling tree topper! Wow, it is the best I have ever seen, do you know where you got it? I would love to have one like that!
    Hope your Christmas was merry and bright (I am reading the archive in order, so I have not read the Christmas day one yet!)
    Best to you and Chickadee and Monkey.

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