It went like this: a friend informed me that she was having an informal cocktail hour type thing today, and suggested that if I needed help finishing up party stuff, we could work on it afterwards. Come mingle and have some fun. I checked in with another friend, verified that she would attend and stay to help me, and agreed. I got there around 6:00, expecting we'd get to work on my Big Bag O' Cape Stuff by 8:00. I did pull aside my craft consultant as soon as she arrived to confer on cutting the material. This was a calculated move: I feared once she had a few drinks her measurements might...
So you know that scene, in The Long Winter, where Laura and Carrie are at school when a blizzard comes up, and everyone leaves the schoolhouse in a pack and tries to find their way back to Main Street and they narrowly miss it but in the end everyone gets home safe thanks to Cap Garland but by the time Laura and Carrie get back to the house their eyelids are actually scratched and bleeding from the driving ice pellets of the storm? I just had that exact same experience. Well, sort of. My vision was mostly blind white due to my brilliant idea to leave my glasses inside. Instead of a pack of...
There was some snow. Then there was a little more snow. Followed by some sleet. And so for some reason the Powers That Be figured that it was more important to keep our children off the slippery roads than to afford me an entire day to get my crap together, unencumbered. Is the entire universe conspiring against me?? It's just a little precipitation, people! The children need some learnin' and I need some peace and quiet! I'm kidding. Mostly. Honest. Um... hey! Look over there! It's a kid covered in Crisco!! (For those following my Crisco Kid, I'm happy to report that this morning her skin...
My desktop computer refuses to boot. It acts like it's going to, and then at the last minute it reverts to the maddening blue screen and starts all over again. I have no idea what's wrong with it. I know it's a piece of crap but it's my piece of crap and--all things considered--I'd rather it be an operative piece of crap than a defunct piece of crap that leaves me curled up in the corner, rocking back and forth, wailing "I haven't backed up the kids' pictures for months." I have a feeling this is going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day....
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the last couple weeks of craziness leading up to Christmas we go.... I love Christmas. In theory. Sometimes even in reality. But not usually. And the two weeks beforehand? I could do without. My offspring are wired for sound. It's an artifact of the season; it happens every year, and I still haven't figured out how to counteract or handle it. And I don't mean they're in the spirit of giving or even that they're going crazy over the anticipation of twelve tons of crap that they're sure to receive. I mean they've lost their ever-lovin' minds. December 11th, someone...
Some days are flawless, seamless; every need is met, unexpected joys abound, and the minutes and hours flow effortlessly as you luxuriate in the blessing that is life. Some days are dark and rainy and cranky; everyone grumps at everyone else, an unexpected bill for far too much money arrives on the tail end of the holiday spending and the realization that tuition is due today, and you find yourself in the kitchen screaming at inanimate objects ("Cool Whip! Why are you frozen?! I need sugar DAMMIT!"). Let's pretend I'm having the first sort of day. Thanks.
Murray lawn tractor. Runs great good sometimes in theory. Red. Model SUX B1GT1M. Year unknown, either 1942 or 1943. Loaded! Features/Accessories: Mulching/bagging system. Multiple repair tags on ignition key. Dead battery (rusted in place). Half a human knuckle on rusted battery terminal. Brand new jumper cables. Full tank of gas. Plenty of oil. Large dent in side where I kicked it. Location: Halfway between the driveway and the shed, which is as close as it's getting to being put away. Price: Negotiable. Free with removal of leaves/pine needles. Will pay handsome sum to the agent who...
The time has come (the walrus said... don't call me a walrus unless you're hoping to be smacked, however) for me to take Any Job. As you all know, I passed Dream Job long ago. I spent some time looking for Pretty Good Job, and after a while settled into the search for Acceptable Job. Now? Any Job. Wanna know why? Well, I had this fabulous back-up plan, you see. Part of the job issue is that I cannot work later than about 3:30 and still get Chickadee off the bus, and I cannot afford to pay for aftercare for her unless I get a job that actually pays well. A dear friend of mine who is a teacher...
Who's going to the movies today? Go on, guess! If you guessed NOT ME, you are 100% correct! I've decided the only way to assuage my disappointment over not getting to see The Incredibles today is to write, direct, and star in my own movie. I will be shamelessly ripping off the plot from The Incredibles, because I'm ambitious but not all that creative. The Intractables is a laugh-a-minute romp featuring the world's grumpiest family, called upon to behave normally for a mere 24 hours in order to attain the ultimate goal: getting to go to the movies. Meet the Intractables: Mama's special...
