There was some snow. Then there was a little more snow. Followed by some sleet. And so for some reason the Powers That Be figured that it was more important to keep our children off the slippery roads than to afford me an entire day to get my crap together, unencumbered.
Is the entire universe conspiring against me?? It’s just a little precipitation, people! The children need some learnin’ and I need some peace and quiet!
I’m kidding. Mostly. Honest. Um… hey! Look over there! It’s a kid covered in Crisco!!
(For those following my Crisco Kid, I’m happy to report that this morning her skin is soft and supple; also that I beat her on medium-high with a few eggs and made some very crispy yet light cookies.)
Anyway. The problem, you see, is that I’m having a party here on Saturday. Remember that? Yeah, neither did I. I mean, I remembered, but first I was being lazy, then I was sick. Now I am two days away from Party Day and my house is a shambles, the party favors haven’t all been purchased, I still haven’t decided what kind of cake I’m making, and then of course… there are the capes.
Capes. Capes? I have a confession to make, if you haven’t already figured it out for yourselves. Sometimes? I smoke crack. And then I come up with insane little schemes that I would immediately dismiss out of hand if I wasn’t, you know, a crackhead. BUT NO! In my crack-induced euphoria, I think things like, “Wow, wouldn’t it be SO FUN to let ten five-year-olds loose in my house with GLUE and GLITTER and FABRIC PAINT and after they have RUINED everything that I own, encourage them to try to FLY? Yes! That sounds DIVINE! But maybe that won’t be ENOUGH FUN. Perhaps I shall also ply them with SUGAR just in case that doesn’t make them EXCITED ENOUGH! And the fact that I am NOT AT ALL CRAFTSY and don’t know how to SEW is just going to make it EVEN MORE FUN!”
I have got to lay off the crack. Except that I may need just a teensy bit while I’m sewing the capes.
Alternately, I could just use the cape material to fashion myself a shroud. The kids are so busy watching cartoons and grinding pop-tart crumbs into the carpet, I don’t think they’d even notice….