Fitness is hazardous to my health
This whole “getting fit” and “losing weight” thing is completely screwing me up. For example: In the past, when something was unpleasant, I would avoid it. I like to think I lead a pretty Darwinian life. Exercise was unpleasant and made me sweaty and sore, so I opted to park my ass on the couch and eat cookies, instead. Eating less food made me less full, so I ate more. Eating fat-laden food made me happy, SO I DID.
Sigh. Let’s have a moment of silence for the good ol’ days, shall we?
Now I’m all CONSCIENTIOUS and HEALTHFUL and I have CONCRETE PROOF that it’s bad for me.
Listen, before I started exercising every day, I knew that PAIN = BAD. Now I voluntarily put myself into pain for 30 – 60 minutes per day and it has completely screwed up my self-preservation tendencies. Which seems like it could be a problem, no? Actually, it’s already a problem. read more…
A day to remember. Or not.
A huge portion of yesterday was spent celebrating Monkey’s birthday, as was right and good, but of course there were a few other things that had to be tended to as well.
Like, I still had to do some actual work. (I guess none of my clients got that National Monkey Holiday memo I sent out. HMPH.) And Otto had to do some actual work. (I guess none of his students got that Write Your Own Syllabus memo he sent out. DOUBLE HMPH.) And the children needed to finish unpacking and get ready for their return to school, except they agreed to do that and then spent most of the day playing with Monkey’s birthday toys, which I suppose is par for the course.
And somewhere in the middle of all of this, Otto and I realized it was a rare business day while everyone was home—the last we’d have for quite a while—and probably it made sense to get our butts down to the Post Office and get our passports done. read more…
A decade of exuberance
Last night we agreed that you could wake the rest of us up at 7:00, if you liked, and even your sister agreed. You went to bed swearing you would never be able to fall asleep. You did, of course, and I was still enjoying the view from behind my eyelids when you thumped on my door at 6:20 this morning.
“Come in,” I called. You bounced in and I threw the covers back and invited you to hop in and cuddle. “What happened to waiting until 7:00?” I asked, whispering, hoping Otto might still be asleep.
“Oh,” you said, unbothered. “There’s some stuff on my dresser and I couldn’t really read my clock. I guess that’s why Chickie told me to get out of her room.”
I pulled you close under the covers and tried not to laugh. “That’s okay,” I said. “Happy birthday! Let’s just rest a little bit.” read more…
Another handy tip
If your daughter spends two days begging you to cut her hair short, and several hours looking through short hair pictures with you before, and even if you extract a promise beforehand that she WILL NOT CRY, even if you VIDEOTAPE SAID DECLARATION, it doesn’t matter.
She’ll cry.
Just so you know.
Happy New Year!
I’m over at Five Full Plates today, telling you about the new bane of my existence. (Hint: It turns out that when it comes to dieting and related mental illness? There’s an app for that.)
Love is everything
For the first time in my life, I have made a sizable, life-changing resolution for the new year. This will be the year I take my health more seriously. Otherwise known as: The year I learn to love or at least tolerate exercise, or die in the attempt. Otherwise known as: The year I refuse to get my ass kicked in a friendly little competition just because I have all the willpower of a jar of mayonnaise.
Mmmmm… mayonnaise….
Wait. Where was I?
Oh! Right. The competition starts tomorrow. So today, Otto and I went out to lunch for my favorite food on the planet and I ate myself silly. And then spent the ride home commenting on how full and happy I was, and how I would savor this day in all its deliciousness on account of I’m about to be horribly deprived as we head into 2010. read more…
She can hear me now
I promised you a tale of Licorice’s ears. It’s JUST as exciting as it sounds.
It comes as a huge shock, I’m sure, that I am something of a nervous dog-mommy. I am, after all, a nervous mom in general. I worry. I fret. If there was a giant LED chaser display in my head it would constantly stream MAH PRESHUS BAYBEEEEEES!!! (In red, natch.) The safety and comfort of my children is a constant preoccupation for me.
So back when we brought Licorice home, she had a pretty severe double ear infection, among other things. I quickly unloaded the month’s earnings at my local vet’s office as we went in for appointment after appointment to check on her recovery. First it was 14 days treatment, then 7 more, then “just one more week,” and finally she was proclaimed healed.
In the meantime, we cracked joke after joke about how Licorice fit into our family just fine on account of her food allergies and delicate disposition. read more…
Boring is good
I’m trying to think of another time in the nearing-six-year history of this blog when I didn’t post for three consecutive days, and I can’t come up with anything other than the time my hosting company broke their server and then lodged their heads so far up their asses I was offline for half a week. Truly, this sort of silence is unprecedented. Such a thing can only be the result of an event so catastrophic I’ll need forty paragraphs just to chronicle every horrific detail.
Or maybe I’ve just been sitting on the couch watching DVDs. Hard to say, really. I mean, there’s something like 176 episodes of The West Wing and I’d never seen any of them before last week, soooo….
Before I planted my ass in front of the television, though, there was Christmas. And on Christmas, we had my ex-husband for dinner. read more…
Love makes merry
Although I wish it for you every Thursday, this one in particular I hope finds you with peace and love in your heart, and kindness and laughter in your home.
I’m off to spend Christmas with the people I love most in the entire world. There’s soup to make and baking to be done and stockings to stuff and—of course—A Christmas Story to watch. Because nothing says “Love of Christ” like “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”
Nonetheless: It is, indeed, a most wonderful life.
Happy Love Thursday, everyone… and here’s to making merry, no matter the season.
So many shiny things
“Is there a way for me to write about this without sounding like a materialistic asshole?” I asked Otto.
“I dunno,” he answered.
“Maybe not,” I countered.
“Maybe,” he said.
I hate it when he won’t do my thinking for me. That’s totally why I hired married him.
Nevertheless, I have to take the chance here, because it is amusing. And far be it from me to pass up the chance to make fun of myself. So I am going to have to confess the entire sordid tale right from the beginning.
It starts, of course, with me being stupid. read more…