Boring is good

By Mir
December 28, 2009

I’m trying to think of another time in the nearing-six-year history of this blog when I didn’t post for three consecutive days, and I can’t come up with anything other than the time my hosting company broke their server and then lodged their heads so far up their asses I was offline for half a week. Truly, this sort of silence is unprecedented. Such a thing can only be the result of an event so catastrophic I’ll need forty paragraphs just to chronicle every horrific detail.

Or maybe I’ve just been sitting on the couch watching DVDs. Hard to say, really. I mean, there’s something like 176 episodes of The West Wing and I’d never seen any of them before last week, soooo….

Before I planted my ass in front of the television, though, there was Christmas. And on Christmas, we had my ex-husband for dinner.

Uh, I don’t mean we ATE him. I mean he joined us for dinner. You knew that, right?

Oh, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I had a few paranoid fantasies in which dinner was such an unmitigated disaster that it made for unparalleled blog fodder. But the bigger truth is that we’re coming up on seven years since the split and a part of me does feel like it’s ridiculous that we still have problems getting along. I mean, obviously, if getting along was EASY we’d still be married. But c’mon; seven years. And we don’t have to interact all that often. We’re both adults, and now it’s just bordering on the ridiculous. So. Surely we could all get through a nice dinner without incident, yes?

Actually, yes. Utterly un-blog-worthy, unless you’re interested to know that if you make your ham glaze with orange juice instead of water, it’s even more delicious. Yes. I just offered you ham glaze as the most interesting part of sitting down to dinner with both my current and past husbands. Sorry.

The kids seemed pretty happy about it all, and that made all of us happy. The end.

Boring for blogging, but good for life. Turns out I’ll totally take that.

[Thank goodness, too. Because my ex likes to vehemently deny that he reads my blog, and in return I pretend to believe him. Generally speaking I simply don’t write about matters pertaining to him, but had Christmas dinner been a series of unfortunate events I’m not sure I could’ve stopped myself. And I cannot decide if that knowledge—which he surely shares, despite supposedly never reading me—was the reason all went well, or if it was truly all of us being responsible adults and putting the children first. Either way, I guess it doesn’t much matter. Though I will be over here chuckling about how in nine years of marriage I never did find a better method of keeping things civil than writing about my life on the internet turns out to be. I’m just SAYING.]

After dinner the kids went off with their dad to return to New England for a week, and Otto and I commenced frolicking naked. And here by “frolicking naked” I of course mean “watching West Wing episodes until our eyeballs popped out.” Sheesh, don’t be so literal all the time.

So that’s pretty much the scintillating explanation of where I’ve been. Come back tomorrow and we can discuss my dog’s ears. That’s going to be even MORE exciting.


  1. Kathy

    Love that you were all able to spend a nice time together on Christmas. I spent Christmas with all my parents too – mom, dad, step-mom. It is so great for me (nearly 40) and my children. It is the way my ex and I handle ourselves too. So, while we don’t always agree and can’t always get along, the kids ALWAYS come first. Merry Christmas!

  2. Karen

    Congratulations! Had my ex come to dinner, he’d have been served with a nice Chianti. After 9 years.

    So, good for you-and him, and Otto, your kids will be better off for it and it makes for a real Merry Christmas!

  3. Randi

    My mother and my father have been divorced for 28 years. They still can’t be in a room with each other without one of them wanting to tear the other one’s eyeballs out, so brava!

  4. Nicki

    Well, I had my ex-husband…drop off the kids. I even let him come in for…thirty seconds. It was…fine. We’re highly evolved since we’ve been divorced for all of three months.

  5. Heather

    I do not have an ex just a current and my parents have been married for 52 years – however I know the stress of my husband’s parents (divorced and remarried) all showing up for our daughter’s events – I served mimosas and straight champagne for Christmas brunch while the punkin head opened her gifts. I give you great kudos.

  6. Sheila

    You all seem to have gotten along better than my family, which is not setting the bar particularly high or anything, but still.

  7. The Glamorous WAHM

    I must say that it most certainly IS nice NOT have a mishap to blog about sometimes. Congrats on your peaceful Christmas dinner. Our days are full of trouble…one day of peace out of the year…YES!

  8. Chuck

    Well, there’s no rule against watching West Wing episodes naked, of course. Although it might get a bit chilly after a while.

    Glad everything went well at dinner and have a great rest of your kid-free week!

  9. Half Assed Kitchen

    Yay for peace! (A little sad about the story I was gearing myself up to read when I saw ‘ex-husband’ at the beginning of your post). Still, non-stories are generally better for life, yes.

    Happy Hoildays, Mir. Thanks for making my year a little more entertaining (just not today :) ).

  10. dcfullest

    My parents (2 bio, 2 step), my sister, our husbands, kids and I all spend Thanksgiving together. It is wonderful. Everyone puts on their big girl panties and behaves and my sister and I really, really appreciate it.

  11. Kayt

    Hey, my SIL still doesn’t allow her ex to come to family events, including their daughter’s birthday party, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. She’s seven, and they broke up pretty much right after she was born. It might have something to do with him abusing their daughter during a visit when she was a toddler, but still.

  12. Scottsdale Girl

    Must have been a good year for “peace” at the dinner table. My craaazy step sister showed up drunk and 3 hours late and TRIED to start fights but we all “falalala’ed” her death. Hee. Not death, but you know. She didn’t win.

  13. Tracy

    OMGosh…My husband ex showed up at our door Christmas morning…UNinvited, I might add. Turns out, she and I are better friends than she and my husband were while they were married for (19 years, I might add). Anyway, she didn’t eat dinner with us but brought over some tamelas for us to enjoy. How sweet, right? Anyway, here’s a wonderful fresh start with 2010!!! Can’t wait to read about Licorice’s ears. =)

  14. MichaelB

    Not sure where you are in the series – but Season 1 through 3 were very good… Sorkin left at the start of Season 4 and the series took a noticeable turn for the worst through 4 and 5.

    Things got better by Seasons 6 and 7, although as you make your way through season 7 you can really feel the series grinding to an end and by the last episode I think you’re glad that it’s over…

  15. just beaux

    Tis the season.

  16. carmie

    Honest to Moses, the most positive family interaction I had on Christmas was with my husband’s ex as she dropped my stepson off. I am SO GLAD Christmas is over ;)

  17. mom, again

    I’m so glad that sort of thing is behind me. I envision one more long day at the other daughters wedding, and after that, we can manage to take turns visiting and I need never see him again.

  18. mom, again

    on the other hand, my son in law’s grandparents and step grandparents get along so well it’s weird. There were a few awkward years in his toddlerhood, right after his grandpa left his grandma for a young lady in the church your group he was leading. *ahem* but after a few years there was much forgiving and they’ve all holidayed together for 20 years now.

    I think my family’s disinclination to join the clan may be causing friction though. We have no other family on this coast, but after years of trading holidays with my girl’s dad, I’m perfectly happy to trade holidays with her in-laws. They enjoyed her company, and her sister’s, for the 2 years we were living overseas. I insisted on having my girls for Christmas this year and arranged our Thanksgiving the weekend before so they’d be free to go there on the day. Nice & fair I thought. But now her mom-in-law is trying to organize next Christmas with ALL of us. I’m not one to plan so far in advance, but I’m thinking we will be taking our son to one of his grandma’s or the other so I guess I’d better air that idea before she gets too far along on her plan.

  19. kath

    I work in Family Law and wish that more people could reach the place you have reached. A few years ago we lost my beloved brother-in-law, my sister was a mess, I was a mess, the entire family was a mess. Our brother was hosting Christmas and his ex-wife came with her new husband and their daughter and made Christmas dinner for us. Just her gift to us. It makes not only the children happy but the grownups get to sigh relief that we’ve come so far.
    Sending much love to you and your family at this magical time.

  20. steff

    I dont know much about having steps or ex’s but I have to say that is has to be a great thing for the kiddos that you all can co-exist under one roof for a meal, in peace. :-)

  21. TC

    Oh, please. You couldn’t have mixed it up a little…for us? I mean, really. Whose needs come first here!?! MINE do. And *I* needed a 40-paragraph recitation of all the horrible, hilarious things that happened!

    Sheesh. Grownups. Acting like grownups. What fun is THAT?


  22. meghann

    The weirdest experience I’ve ever had is going to dinner with my parents and sister when I was 19. I had just had a baby, and my dad had come down to see him. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my sister was a newborn. My dad had remarried, but he was newly divorced from his second wife, so he came alone. We went out to eat at a restaurant, and I’m sure you could have cut the weirdness with a knife it was so palpable. You could tell me, my mom, and my dad were all feeling it. To everyone else, we probably looked like a normal family, just out grabbing a bite to eat. It was the first time the four of us had sat down together for dinner since, um, never.

  23. Kristie

    My ex and I barely even speak after more than 10 years…I don’t have a problem with him, he has a problem with me. Namely the fact that he wanted to cut the child support in half, didn’t think I would actually go to court to fight that hairbrained idea, and is ticked that the judge did not side with him. And then I sicced DCSE on him. So now when he needs me to know something he either gets my oldest to pass along a message (she’s 14) or he emails me. If I call him for some reason (because I refuse to sink that low) he screens my call and if he finds it to be important immediately calls back. And he always calls back, which just shows that I don’t bother him unless it’s important. *sigh*

    Glad you had a nice dinner.

  24. Nic

    Well I discovered that my brother-in-law may have a wee problem with alcohol as he drank a bottle of Grey Goose and a bottle of Sherry (both were full and unopened) in a 24hr period. He then proceeded to act the a** at Christmas dinner, grilling my dad’s new girlfriend and making fun of the gifts as they were opened. Can’t stand the guy- but he sure provided blog fodder.

  25. Jessica @ Acting Adult

    I think it’s pretty impressive that you can sit thru a meal with the ex – and that you invite him in the first place! Many people I know (me included) wouldn’t even do that!

  26. Liz@thisfullhouse

    Yes, boring and unbloggable is good — hope it lasts :)

  27. Heather

    I love the West Wing! I only have one more disc before I’m done the whole series!! (And I’m on Season 4 of House. haha.)

  28. Shelley

    I am glad you and your family had a wonderful, peaceful dinner. Not a lot of people can open their home up to an ex no matter how long it has been. I am sure it is a dinner your kids will remember and have fond memories of to tell their children when they are older! Happy New Year!

  29. Brigitte

    Kudos to boring! And hopefully a boring, boring week of frolicking naked. ;-D

  30. Claire

    I envy you… wish I still had 176 episodes of the West Wing to watch! :)

  31. SportsMom

    West Wing? The. Best. Show. EVER!

  32. kate setzer kamphausen

    Ah, so you haven’t begun Babylon 5 yet?? SUCH great television: bad acting, great acting, outrageous costumes… yeah, that’s good bonding stuff!!

  33. crockpot lady


    LOVE IT.

  34. Lucinda

    Regardless of why it happened the way it did, you two sitting down to dinner at Christmas might have been the best gift you could give your kids. My parents had been divorced over 20 years when I got married and could barely be civil. Ugh. So happy for all of you.

  35. Sharon

    I am glad your Christmas dinner went well, but more importantly I’m glad you have West Wing on DVDs. I can’t believe you’ve never seen it. If I had to be stranded on a desert island and could have only one form of entertainment I would choose my set of West Wing DVDs. I could go on and on but I’ll stop now.

  36. Celeste

    Wow, Mir, I never thought about that.. but now we have a wonderful (very effective) threat for our families and exes… “if you don’t stop it, I will blog about you!” Wow, I may start blogging, just so I have something to hold over the ex’s head!

  37. Jenn

    You got a pretty good blog post out of not much. My dad now regularly Christmases with his current wife’s ex and his wife. He says it’s a little weird but it works.

  38. Lisse

    Congratulations on getting through dinner. Congratulations for even trying. The three of you adults have set a great example for your kids. But you knew that.

  39. Dawn

    Chianti, is all I’m sayin’.

    Glad you can dine without it. Some exes just aren’t as much of an asshat as others.

  40. Lady M

    I agree that sometimes, boring is really, really good. I’m happy you had a peaceful dinner!

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