Fitness is hazardous to my health

This whole “getting fit” and “losing weight” thing is completely screwing me up. For example: In the past, when something was unpleasant, I would avoid it. I like to think I lead a pretty Darwinian life. Exercise was unpleasant and made me sweaty and sore, so I opted to park my ass on the couch and eat cookies, instead. Eating less food made me less full, so I ate more. Eating fat-laden food made me happy, SO I DID.

Sigh. Let’s have a moment of silence for the good ol’ days, shall we?

Now I’m all CONSCIENTIOUS and HEALTHFUL and I have CONCRETE PROOF that it’s bad for me.

Listen, before I started exercising every day, I knew that PAIN = BAD. Now I voluntarily put myself into pain for 30 – 60 minutes per day and it has completely screwed up my self-preservation tendencies. Which seems like it could be a problem, no? Actually, it’s already a problem.

Check it out: I made 15-bean soup yesterday for dinner. Very healthy! And low-cal! (I made cheese biscuits for the rest of my family, of course, but that’s another story. I can’t eat them so whatever.) While dishing out soup for my husband, I somehow managed to hold the bowl with my index finger just over the rim… in such a way that as I ladled, the tip of said finger was IN the soup. Now, if I was working in a restaurant we could discuss how having any part of me in the soup was an issue unto itself, but I don’t think my husband is worried about eating food I’ve touched. THAT is not the issue.

No, the issue is that I was ladling STEAMING HOT SOUP into a bowl, a bowl in which MY FINGERTIP WAS NOW SUBMERSED, and rather than immediately drop the bowl into the crock pot or fling the ladle so that I could use my other hand to reposition the bowl or ANYTHING LOGICAL, my brain went “Ow, this sucks, I should probably ladle faster.”

So I scooped up the final ladleful of soup and THEN put the bowl down.

At which point I had a second-degree burn on the tip of my index finger.

And it’s all because exercising and depriving myself chocolate have completely snuffed out my hedonistic survival instincts. Now I have a painful blister on the tip of my index finger, which is really no problem at all on account of it’s not like I need to sit at my computer and TYPE all day…

… oh. Wait.

I’m having leftover soup for lunch in a little bit. I will of course be wearing oven mitts, which may make managing the spoon a little tricky. Keep an eye out for my fun-filled companion post about spilling hot soup all down my face and chest and heading for the carpet spray before tending to my burns, won’t you?


  1. Julie

    If it helps, I’m over here suffering with you. You people made me feel so guilty that I had to play along. 10 lbs in 10 weeks? Sure, sounds reasonable! Ha, I’ve lived over 50 years without recording my daily food, so the odds don’t look all that good. But I’ve done 2.5 days so far!

  2. Leandra

    Your commitment to your cause is very commendable! And crazy!

    If it makes you feel any better, I have to RE-LOSE 10lbs. I ALREADY LOST last year. (*#&*$(*#&$ cookies. And beer.

  3. Kelly

    I’m doing my shred exercises and tracking my calories – booo… and I did my initial weigh in on Wii Fit and that was not fun as it added 10 lbs to my Mii. :( (I did get pregnant and have a baby since the last time I weighed but still the scolding of not meeting the set goal was rather humiliating).

    Sorry about the burn – no pain no gain?

  4. Wendy 2

    I have been on an ongoing quest to lose weight since 2005. After losing almost 80 pounds, I had two foot surgeries and gained over half of it back. So yeah, I’m with you on guys on losing 10 pounds in 10 weeks. Thank God for Santa bringing me the Wii Active for christmas. It definitely got me back into exercising, but the PAIN. OMG the PAIN :). Okay, so it was only a couple of days of pain, but still.

  5. Lisa

    Remember to wear safety goggles!

  6. Aimee

    Ouchies! I feel you on the pain thing. When I first started the 30-Day Shred, I was in so much pain the next few days that I think the only things that DIDN’T hurt were my hands and my hair. Of course, now I’m tough and mighty. ;)

  7. Tracy

    YOU are depriving yourself of chocolate??? I was told that dark chocolate is healthly. I eat it everyday to keep the doctor away.

  8. adhocmom

    This is why I mainly eat cereal. . .

  9. Jamie

    Just had soup and salad for lunch! No fun, I’d have rather had pizza or something fried, but alas, I’m trying to do better.

    Sorry about the finger, Mir. OUCH! Maybe Otto should take over the job of serving dinner until you’ve healed.

  10. Jen

    Don’t totally deprive yourself of chocolate -you’re just setting yourself up to binge on it later. As a Weight Watcher groupie (rejoined right before Thanksgiving) don’t set yourself up for failure. Portion control!!! Which I also didn’t learn from the last round of WW, thus my return.

  11. Heidi

    Losing weight. Or, as many people spell it, loosing weight. Loosing is poetic. Setting weight free. Begone, weight, to roam amongst your own.

  12. Heidi

    Oh yeah, and that isn’t what is meant when they say “feel the burn” on the work-outs.

  13. Katie in MA

    Awww, poor Mir. I would be sympathizing more and offering to get you very cushy bandaids, but I’m doubled over laughing. Think of all the calories you burned while you were cursing!

  14. Amy

    I’m pretty sure that this is not what Lydia was talking about when she gave tips on burning off the fat. And poor burn! I have the same issue whenever I eat something too hot. Instead of spitting it out, I just chew faster. I had to gargle aloe vera juice for a week one time due to a burn in my mouth! And I’m all for the weight loss too. Since I broke my thumb I’ve gained about 5 pounds (which makes my current weight loss goal 15 pounds). We can do it!!

  15. Megan

    Hmmm… at least it was healthy soup you injured yourself on. Me? Crusty bread – as in ‘goodness, maybe I should stop cutting with this bread knife as I appear to be sawing into my fingernail, oh but then I would not have my piece of crusty bread!’ Yup, no way to tell that story that doesn’t embroider ‘DIM!’ on your chest in large red letters.

  16. Em

    Wait. Go back for a sec. There are 15 beans?? Really? And how many are flavors of jellybean? Because that might be a soup I can get on board with.

    Sorry about your finger but if you are just looking for an excuse to hold your finger in butter, I’m onto you. As long as I am, bacon might soothe a nasty burn too :-) Or ice cream. (My diet doesn’t start until next week hence the sabotage).

  17. Randi

    I hate to say it, but I feel obliged.

    You know what they say! BEAUTY IS PAIN LOL

  18. Annette

    Ham and bean soup on Monday, leftovers tonight. And, probably tomorrow. Perhaps even the next day. It’s amazing how long food lasts when you are controlling your portions!
    And, I think I just took a job today. Even though I haven’t worked in the real world in 12years. Obviously, I am obviously nutritionally deprived…

  19. Lori B

    Oh Mir, I was going to write this post myself (sans burning my finger). I’m so freakin’ sore, I can’t sit down to pee without weeping in pain. My everything hurts. I despise exercise, but what did I do today? I went back to Zumba where the pain originated. Did I stop when it hurt so bad I was screaming, “Oh sweet mystery of life, when will this song end” in my head? Of course not, I soldiered on because pain is now good, right? And as for the eating part? I’m eating carrot sticks and apples and the like to fill up after the tiny portions of the ‘real’ food I’ve been eating. Oh, and I’m topping it all of with a salsa that is so hot that my husband — the man who orders his Thai food HOT — won’t eat it. Isn’t that supposed to rev up the fat burners? I would never have considered this if it wasn’t for you (beeps) over at Five Full Plates. Thanks a lot! (I say that in the most loving way possible. You know that, right?) Oh, and try Hershey’s extra dark chocolate. It’s an approved Best Life treat. I eat one treat every afternoon and it only has 45 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. I break it up in little bitty pieces and let it melt on my tongue. It’s just enough to keep the crazies at bay.

  20. Cele

    The crazies at bay. Battle lost.

  21. Nicki

    Sorry about the finger. Right now all I can think is ‘huh, there are 15 kinds of beans in the world?’ Because other that the ‘green’ variety…I don’t eat any. I do no like them Sam I am.

    Oh, try rubbing a little stipadene on it. And if that doesn’t work…Special Dark Hershey Kiss. Trust me.

  22. Brigitte

    Gee, the time I grabbed a slipping, just-coming-out-of-the-oven lasagna with an un-mitted hand, I had no excuse. Guess I just have to suck it up and admit I’m a moron. ;-)

  23. JoAnne

    I LOVE soup. Maybe I’ll go on an al soup diet! :-) Would you be willing to share the 15-bean soup recipe? I’ve been looking for something similar.

  24. Jen

    Was telling my friend about how great my sister looks and how much weight she’s lost. Friend’s response – “yeah, well I’ve found it, tell her to come and take it back!” Struck me as funny. And please share the bean soup recipe, one of my resolutions this year is to learn how to cook beans. We never had them as kids and I just have no idea what I’m doing. To soak or not, how long, if they come in a can with juice, what do I do…it’s kinda pathetic.

  25. Nicole

    That is hilarious. I enjoy finding new ways to blame exercise for my troubles. What I want to know is how’d you make the leap to daily working out?

  26. Karate Mom

    I was using a mandolin slicer the other day and almost lopped off the end of my finger. I wasn’t using the little veggie holder thingy and the onion I was slicing tipped over mid-swipe – ouch! I said a Very Bad Word. I then continued to try and continue to make the fried potatoes and onions because, really, three seconds of pressure REALLY should stop the bleeding. Yeah, I almost bled into the potatoes. However, this whole incident is simply because of my clumsiness, not because of exercise.
    Sorry about your burn!

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