No, not that. This: Monkey: I don't want to take a shower. I love you! *wrapping himself around my leg* Me: I love you too, but you need a shower. Clothes off, please. Monkey: But I'm cold. Me: Then go get in the water; it's warm there. Monkey: But I'm still cold here in the water! Me: Yes, your life is dreadful. Get your hair wet. Monkey: It's cold, Mama! Me: *feeling water* It's fine, sweetie. Here's your shampoo. Scrubadub. Monkey: Can I get out now? Me: Noooo, let's go quick and then you can get out. Here's your scrubbie. Don't forget your feet. Monkey: Mama, I need you to hug me and...
I managed to work at my new job for two weeks--ten business days--without bothering to investigate the contents of my desk. It turns out that my desk is a veritable treasure trove. Just one more benefit of my cool new job, I guess. Now I know exactly what my desk holds. I also know exactly what snacks are available in the kitchen, and where the paper plates live. And--all things considered--I think that crossing half the items off of my to-do list for today was pretty good. A lesser woman would have accomplished less. A less patient woman would've been apprehended stuffing a small child into...
Well, well. School's closed. Given that I will be alone at the office and I'd like to save a day's worth of extra daycare expenses, I'm taking Chickadee in with me. I'd love to tell you that the extra time with me is going to be just what she needs, but asking for some valium would probably be more realistic....
(Or, My Words Often Come Back to Haunt Me.) (Or--better still--The Reason I Put All My Spare Change Into the Therapy Fund.) "Look! I wasn't raised by wolves today; see how I turned the light off when I was done?" "I know, I know, I'm the slowest creature on the planet!" "Wow, that was a BIG one! I'm so charming!" "I think I'll just leave that there for the maid! Oh, wait... we don't have a maid! Mama is the maid! Mama...? You look mad." "I already know the answer... we get to do it if we've been good. But that's no fair because we haven't been good and I still want to!" "Well I was sort of...
Chickadee: Mama, how many days until vacation? Me: Well, let's see. You go to school the rest of this week, and then next week. Then you're off for a week. Chickadee: How many days is that? Me: Hmmm... 9 days until no more school. Chickadee: And then it'll be SUMMER! YAY! Me: Uhhhh... no. It's winter break, honey. Chickadee: Aww, man!
It is very difficult to continue dancing with your daughter and belting out a heartfelt "I love everybody / Especially you!" while your son keeps bending over and backing into you while giggle-demanding "Smell my butt!" Can you feel the love?
We must be getting close to Valentine's Day, because the word scanner is taking on a (unintended!) decidedly sexual connotation for me.... (Sorry, Dad.) Anyway, if my scanner was working, I could actually show you this masterpiece of art and creativity sitting in front of me. However, my scanner (insert chuckle here) is being tempermental and so you will just have to trust me that after a long day, this particular project made me laugh so hard, tears came to my eyes. Today was the 100th day of school! That's exciting! I don't know why, but apparently it is. And since first grade in public...
Him: *pad pad pad* Hi Mama... I heard your alarm... but I think you need a snuggle. Me: Hmmm? Oh, okay, baby. Him: *climbing under the covers and folding himself into the space between my knees and my chest* I had a bad dream but I did what you said! Me: *wrapping my arms around his sleep-warmed body* What's that? Him: I told the monster I was just little and he should GO AWAY! And he did! Me: That's great, honey! Him: Yes. Mama? You're soft.
You, too, can enjoy 10 easy steps to dryness! Because I said so! 1) Sing the joys of the potty to your toddler. Celebrate every time older sister uses the facilities. 2) Throw a party every time said toddler deigns to park his tush on the seat. 3) Buy toddler a private jet once he starts using the potty reliably. 4) Work through the "must visit every bathroom every five minutes" stage with gritted teeth and remind oneself how much you don't miss diapers. 5) After 6 months or so, casually ask your preschooler if he thinks he might try not peeing several gallons into his pull-up every night....
