No, not that.
Monkey: I don’t want to take a shower. I love you! *wrapping himself around my leg*
Me: I love you too, but you need a shower. Clothes off, please.
Monkey: But I’m cold.
Me: Then go get in the water; it’s warm there.
Monkey: But I’m still cold here in the water!
Me: Yes, your life is dreadful. Get your hair wet.
Monkey: It’s cold, Mama!
Me: *feeling water* It’s fine, sweetie. Here’s your shampoo. Scrubadub.
Monkey: Can I get out now?
Me: Noooo, let’s go quick and then you can get out. Here’s your scrubbie. Don’t forget your feet.
Monkey: Mama, I need you to hug me and make me warm.
Me: Sounds good. Go rinse and I’ll wrap you up in your towel.
Monkey: Hurry! I’m COLD! *shivering*
Me: Okay, come on. *wrapping him in towel*
Monkey: I… I… *bursting into tears*
Me: Monkey! What’s the matter?!
Monkey: *teeth chattering* I… I… cold… love… you… *weeping*
Me: *holding him closer* But you feel warm! You feel really warm! You feel… oh crap. *lightbulb glows over my head*
Chickadee: Mama, you shouldn’t say crap.
Monkey: *sobbing hysterically*
Me: Sorry, Chickie. Get your clothes off for your shower, I’ll be right back.
Chickadee: What’s wrong with Monkey?
Me: I’m taking care of him, just get into the shower please. I’ll be back in a second.
A few more tearful “I love you!”s and a speedy thermometer reading of 103.5 later….
Monkey: I’m still cold under the blankets!
Me: Just lay still for a bit and you’ll warm up. I’m gonna go help Chickadee for a minute, then I’ll come back and check on you, okay?
Monkey: Okay. I’m sort of tired.
Me: I’ll bet you are. Just rest a little, k?
Monkey: Okay. Mama?
Me: Yes, baby?
Monkey: I’m a little hungry. But I think I’m too tired to get up.
Me: That’s okay, sweetie. You just rest for a minute and I’ll be right back.
Monkey: I love you, Mama.
Me: I love you too, sweet boy. Be back in a minute.
30 seconds later….
Ya know, I used to dream of a guy being so wild about me that he became feverish in his declarations. This isn’t quite what I had in mind, though.