I had grand plans for this summer. I did. This is the Last Summer, our last chance to operate as a family unit of 4 (if you believe the books with titles like Letting Your College Freshman Go and Once They Leave They're Gone; Whoops! Just Kidding! They're Back and Still Ungrateful and It's Perfectly Normal: Why Your Child Becomes an Asshole Before Moving Out) and Do Things. Except. Well, hey, we're Doing Things. Many things. ALL THE THINGS! Just... not so much as a family unit, it seems. Everyone's working. None of our schedules seem to sync up. When we finally have a day when no one has to...
You are just never going to guess what happened to me today. NOPE. NOT THAT. Why, today marks the fifth time in 4 years that my Discover card was hijacked. I have no idea why I'm so popular---or why the dirtbags who try to use it always go spend it so stupidly that Discover immediately catches on---but there you go. (Lest you think I exaggerate: I give you January of this year, August 2014, January 2014, and November of 2011, otherwise known as Saladgate.) Feeling a little light in the wallet? Just steal my Discover number. Everybody's doing it. Anyhoo. That put a crimp in my day, and so I...
We have lived in Georgia for eight years. I've been growing vegetables here for seven years. I've battled slugs, aphids, thrips, and the dreaded tomato horn worms. I've set up rain barrels and coaxed plants along in the constant 100+ temperatures. And never, EVER, before this year did I have any problems with my tomatoes simply disappearing. Never before did tomatoes simply start appearing atop the fence. Never before did my husband set up a video camera to catch the shameless thieves, until now: Unmasking the tomato thieves from woulda on Vimeo. It's mid-July and I've already processed...
I guess I can offer up a small bit of further explanation as to why I hate everything and everyone right now, though this is just the tip of the iceberg, or---as we prefer to say in my family---the tiniest sliver of the crap cake. "Hi there! My name is Duncan. I enjoy wearing jaunty neckwear, scaring the crap out of my family, and costing a billion dollars while I do it. Also, I have a toe fetish. Please walk over here barefoot so I can lick you." So hey, FUNNY STORY: Remember when Duncan got all sick and weird and possibly tumor-y and had to have surgery? And I was worried he was going to...
Chickadee managed to catch All The Germs during the Icepocalypse week off of school, which is doubly impressive when you consider that we were trapped in the house all that time. (Where did the germs come from? Had she been saving them up? DID SHE EAT INFECTED SNOW???) I ignored her misery for several days before caving and taking her to the doctor, at which point my just desserts were "Yeah, that looks pretty nasty, let's get some antibiotics on board" and the subsequent and immediate coming down with the crud, myself. HOORAY. This is where I would normally tell you that in my next life I...
Oh, look. I haven't been here for a week. No explanation or anything, just *poof*---GONE. If it's any consolation, that week took about three years, in my mind. What? That doesn't help? Well, now I'm just going to make it worse by saying, "We are all fine (now) but due to the nature of this particular suckitude, I am not at liberty to discuss it at this time." And now I want to punch myself in the face, so we're all on the same page, I think. [I know. I KNOW. Here, let me give you details as best I can: Something Really Scary And Sucky happened, and while we were trying to deal with that,...
I think one of the dirtiest little secrets of parenting is the parental meltdown. Sure, we all joke amongst ourselves about that time we got so mad that we yelled---pass that Mother of the Year trophy over here!---but the truth is that the really awful meltdowns don't get talked about, much. We're too ashamed, too worried someone will point a finger and pass judgment. Well,the advantage of really screwing up and knowing it is that there's nothing anyone can say to you that you haven't already said to yourself. (Silver lining, right there.) So come what may, today at Alpha Mom I'm coming...
I keep meaning to tell you this story, and what better time than during a government shutdown? Er, slowdown. Or whatever we're supposed to call it. It just seemed like a good time to reaffirm what every American already knows, which is that our medical system and government are---SURPRISE!---not actually operating as smoothly as they're supposed to. Try to contain your shock. So! Perhaps you remember that about a year ago, I took to the blog to detail how we'd finally gotten Chickadee qualified for Medicaid coverage while she was hospitalized. That was a really big deal, both because the...
"Our life is boring," I told Otto after dinner last night. "I have nothing to blog about!" "We should go on more adventures," he replied. That Otto, he's a problem solver. Though he seemed a little miffed when I declined his offer to leave the dirty dishes on the table, the children in their rooms, and grab the dog and drive off into the sunset. I'm not saying it wasn't tempting, just that I was afraid the kids might eventually track us down. (Also, I hadn't finished my laundry, and you should never run away without a sizable stash of clean undies.) I just want to make it clear that I know I...
