Warning: I'm about to talk about my job. Please come tell me that I will lose my job for talking about my job. Because you would totally be the first person to tell me that, and I reveal so much about my job and so flagrantly discuss in detail so many identifying characteristics of my job and also accuse my employers of eating babies. While sodomizing goats. All the time. So please come tell me I'm about to get fired. I like it. Ahem. Anyway. What was I talking about? Oh, right! My job. (Shhhhhhh.) Gosh, I love my job. I do. (Don't forget to tell me that I can still be fired even though all...
"We have a good time, but we work really hard. And have a good time, too." This was what I heard, over and over, as I went through the interview process and early days at my new job. I thought to myself, Okay, this is What People Say. It's code for "We will work you into an early grave, but don't worry because we also provide snacks!" I've been there for a month, now. My work has covered a little of this and a little of that, and this week I cut my teeth for real: a big project, not enough time, and stress like I'd had yet to see. My boss and I buckled down to make deadline, passing file...
Excuse me while I curl up into a little ball of stress and explode. Ahhhh... that's better. In the sense that discorporeal is better, at this point. Now would be a good time for the New York Times or Newsweek or some other news organization eager to let you know that "THIS JUST IN: Being a Mom Means You Are Conflicted" to come talk to me. Let's review the numbers, shall we? How long I've been at my new job: 3 weeks Number of hours left before the person I'm going to cover for leaves on vacation: 7 Time I showed up at work yesterday with a sick child in tow: 7:40 Number of videos I'd brought...
A lot of you have been asking for more information about this job thing. Even those of you who recognize the need for some discretion have begged me to "just tell us your position" or "give us some hints at least." And then there's the lovely person who sent me the strangest email I've ever received. It suggested--amongst about a hundred other disjointed, poorly-structured, random and vaguely disturbing thoughts--that I am too "wimpy" to say what I'm doing. (I suspect the sender believes that taking their prescribed lithium is also wimpy.) Anyway. There's lots of compelling reasons not to go...
I will never understand how/why it is that people could take everything I say so seriously. I mean, yes, I'm so very serious here on my blog, I can see where the occasional less-than-earnest statement might just slip right by someone. Hi, my name is Mir, and every word in this blog is 100% true! Also, please feel free to inquire about the bridge I'm offering for sale. So, um... just to clarify: I'm not blogging about my job. Yesterday's post was not factual. Please save your concern over me endangering my employment. Do not fret, do not adjust your television set. I do not now nor have I...
I rolled into my first day of work, spent some time in HR filling out my various paperwork, and then set about getting my computer up and running. I appreciate that my new employers believed me capable of doing a complete wipe and install of my new machine, and I repaid their confidence by taking the entire rest of the day to get that stupid box to acknowledge that it was part of the office network. I especially enjoyed my chat with the offshore support rep who is the reason people like me end up unemployed for months on end. That left me very little time to read blogs, surf porn, make...
Everybody play nice while I'm gone today, you hear? And don't be leaving crumbs on the couch, either. I know when you've been snacking in there you know. So sleepy. Hey, they have coffee at my new job. Huzzah!
Thanks for sharing my excitement! I posted earlier and then floated away on a cloud of warm fuzzy happiness, murmuring "I will not have to sell my house, I will not die unemployed!" Or maybe I just went out to lunch with some friends because I realized that 1) I hadn't eaten in about 20 hours and 2) Hey! I can eat out! Like a person with money! Anyway, I would love to tell you all every single detail of my new employment, except that if I did that, then I'd have to kill you all and bury the evidence, and what with taking on a new career and all, I figure I might not have time for that....
Two and a half hours. Three meetings. One hypothetical marketing strategy involving a voice-recognition alarm clock for quadriplegics (yes, really... I couldn't have made that up if I tried). "Well, I think that's about it. The good news is that my expectations for today were well met and I'm very pleased." "Oh. Um, great! What's the bad news?" "Bad news?" "You said that's the good news. What's the bad news?" "There is no bad news. Good news and better news. The better news is that we've decided offer you the position, and I'll call you tomorrow to go over the offer."
