Fresh air

By Mir
March 25, 2005
Category Job? Huh?

Warning: I’m about to talk about my job. Please come tell me that I will lose my job for talking about my job. Because you would totally be the first person to tell me that, and I reveal so much about my job and so flagrantly discuss in detail so many identifying characteristics of my job and also accuse my employers of eating babies. While sodomizing goats. All the time. So please come tell me I’m about to get fired. I like it.


Anyway. What was I talking about? Oh, right! My job. (Shhhhhhh.) Gosh, I love my job. I do. (Don’t forget to tell me that I can still be fired even though all I ever do is talk about how much I love my job.)

So this morning, school had a snow delay (OH MY GOD it’s almost April SO ENOUGH WITH THE SNOW, ALREADY), and I was a few minutes later than usual to the office (extra time was required to explain to the children ELEVENTY BILLION TIMES that school being delayed didn’t mean they didn’t have to go to daycare, because I still had to go to work). Not a big deal, since my normal arrival time is about two minutes after the crack of dawn. So there I was, a mere twelve minute after dawn, drinking my tea and reading my email.

And then a colleague stuck her head in my office and said, “The movers will be here around noon.”

“Uh… okay?” was what I said, I think. I mean, in my head, I said “WHAT THE HELL?” but I don’t think I said that out loud. Today.

So I went and did some checking around (translation: I walked into my boss’ office and said “MOVERS? NOON? HUH? Did you forget to TELL ME SOMETHING?”), and discovered that we were slated for a rousing game of musical offices. Wheeeeee! Near as I can figure out, it went like this:
1) I joined the company and was put into a temporary office, then…
2) … someone left the company (and I was supposed to get that person’s office)…
3) … but someone else took that person’s office…
4) … and in the meantime, it was decided that I should sit closer to my boss than the office in question…
5) … so the person next door to my boss decided to take the office in question…
6) … which booted the other person…
7) … to my current office…
8) … so that I could take the office next door to my boss.

Got that? Ooookay. (Diagrams available upon request.)

Fortunately, I haven’t been there long enough to accumulate a lot of STUFF. But around 11:30 I dutifully packed up the loose, small stuff (the movers were coming to deal with the furniture, only) and then unhooked my computer and put it somewhere that the movers wouldn’t step on it.

And then, I couldn’t do any work. But the movers hadn’t shown up. And lunch hadn’t arrived. So I figured, I will just be the pinnacle of professionalism while I am essentially marking time. Yes. As soon as I figure out how to do that.

But in the meantime, I decided to play fetch with Mountain Dog.

Have you ever heard a REALLY BIG DOG running down an office corridor, repeatedly? It’s something. I’m pretty sure everyone on my hallway hates me, now. But the lynching was narrowly averted because Mountain Dog is a sweet, wonderful, lovely, slobbery, MORON. He retrieved the ball for me twice before first just randomly charging me a couple of times and then losing interest entirely. He wandered off and lapped up an entire bowl of water (his dishes are about the same size as my ass; huge) and then flopped down on the floor. Tired out from five minutes of fetch. What a dog!

Lunch came and then the movers came. Wait, that’s wrong. “The movers” came. “The movers” were a couple of kids with matching shirts and a big roll of shrink wrap. They used the wrap on any piece of furniture that had drawers or doors, before moving it. When they started swaddling my desk with it, I pointed out that they were only taking it across the hall. Then I felt badly about that, so I continued on saying that I wanted to get me some of that wrap to use on my kids, because it seems to work really well for holding stuff in place.

“Oh, yeah,” one of the guys agreed, “just poke a few holes for some air and you’d be all set!”

“Holes? Air? Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?” He didn’t talk to me any more after that. Hmph.

So, presto change-o switcheroo, and by mid-afternoon we were all settled in our new digs. My new office is much larger than my old one, and sort of… empty, by comparison. Which is fine.

Actually, I wouldn’t care if it was half the size of my previous one. Because it has a window. (My old one did not.) And that window can be OPENED. So I opened it! (Just a little… it was only about 35 degrees outside.)

I have a huge window office! How amazing is that? I sure am gonna miss it when I get fired for all my tell-all posts here on my blog.


  1. udge

    Only been there three weeks, and already promoted to an office with a window? You’ll be CTO by Christmas.

  2. Vics

    aww babe – look at it this way – when you get fired for blabbing, you can gain instant fame and recognition and have all the local papers turn out on your side…

    oh yeah, and chickadee will be the main anchor at your local station – she’ll SLAY ’em!

  3. ben

    First off, unless I see evidence to the contrary, I doubt your ass is HUGE. Ahem. The poor dog is probably still thirsty.

    And I’m still trying to work out the move you described. Let’s see, carry the three…

  4. Busy Mom

    I have a window. I just have to go upstairs and down the hall to use it.

  5. diane

    Hee hee! I do the same thing–I LOVE my job, but we have all these branding rules and regulations so I’m like, hm, perhaps I shouldn’t even allude to the fact I work at all…wait, then I’m a slacker and that doesn’t reflect well…but I am happy…but I drink on the weekends and blog about it and that might reflect poorly on the organization…oh, what to do!?
    It is near-blizzard conditions in Chicago today and I am NOT HAPPY.

  6. dad

    I’m happy for you.
    Sounds like both you and the dog are executives. How are his computer skills?
    Do I want to know what a CTO is?

  7. Amanda B.

    Man. I wish we had a big ole sloppy mountain dog at my office. That would be wonderfully theraputic.

  8. Zuska

    Do I have to say this again? Even if your ass is huge, it is only huge…FOR A SIZE FOUR ASS!!!

    Congrats on moving out of a windowless office! Do you have an interesting view?

  9. dave

    I’ll never look at a dog dish the same way.

  10. Bob

    you said dishes – does that mean one dish for each cheek, or both cheeks in one dish (times two = 4 cheeks – alien ass?).

    I don’t even want to get into the 1:7 dog to human ratio and how it applies here…….

  11. Fraulein N

    Congrats on your big office! With a window! Lucky girl.

  12. Jenn

    I wish you could post pictures of Mountain Dog, I like stories about sweet, wonderful, lovely, slobbery, moronic dogs. I just happen to own one of them, and jeez, when he gets running, I have to cringe, lest he just plow me over. He gets bored with playing ball after about 10 minutes, and after that, if you throw him the ball he will just let it hit him in the head…

  13. The Zero Boss

    Just don’t sue your employer for “discrimination”, ok? Because I WILL Queen of Sky your ass if you do, friendship be damned.

  14. elswhere

    Did I miss the part about the goats? Where were the goats while all this was going on? Do they get window offices too?

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest