It's been nearly two weeks since I totalled our beloved Sylvia, and by most accounts the memory is fading on schedule. I haven't had a nightmare about the collision for three whole nights in a row! Monkey has stopped having nightmares and has sprouted fresh, pink baby-smooth skin to replace the scabby bits that dotted his forehead. Chickadee's scar is hard to see unless the light is just right, and the bruising has disappeared entirely. All is well! Right? Right! Well, mostly! The thing is, my neck and back will get a little bit better and then get worse again. Or I'll have a day where I...
Hello! And, also, OW! I'd like to introduce you to my new band, Revenge of the Spirochetes. It plays extraordinarily sucky music which more or less makes you want to lay down and die, but SUCH A CATCHY NAME. I am unconcerned about the details! Everybody grab a tamborine! Also, if you would like to come over here and maybe find my heating pad and perhaps hit me over the head really hard so as to render me unconscious, that would be fabulous. Thanks. Did you know that spirochetes (pronounced: bacteria) such as Borrelia burgdorferi (pronounced: evil bacteria that cause Lyme disease) are not,...
We are all clear on the fact that on the great spectrum of mental health, I do lean just a bit to the side with the padded room. The voices in my head tell me that it's rather endearing, so shut up. Normally I am able to keep myself well-regulated with medication and copious amounts of chocolate, but even so, sometimes things get away from me. For example: I am the queen of psychosomatic illnesses. Many people think psychosomatic means FAKE, when it fact it means ABSOLUTELY REAL PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS BROUGHT ON OR AGGRAVATED BY YOUR LEVEL OF CRAZY. I suffer from migraines. I struggle with...
If I call to get my lab results, by all means, take my name and number so that someone can call me back. DO NOT then call me back in ten minutes to cheerily chirp that the doctor will call me back tomorrow to discuss the tests. Between that phone call and the next one I can come up with over a dozen scenarios involving great tragedy and that's without even TRYING. Sheesh.
Gimme the news! I've got a... BAD CASE of realizing that the medical industry may be just a tad out of control even as I rely on them for my very sanity! (Damn, that doesn't rhyme or anything.) [But it does remind me to share this helpful parenting hint: If you have a child who gets really terrified when she has to have a shot, just pull her close, don't allow her to look at the nurse, and start belting out "THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOUNTAIN, THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOUNTAIN, THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOOOUUUUUNTAAAAAAIN! TO GET A FLU SHOT AND NOT EVEN CRY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE HIS...
(You have no idea how tickled I was to discover that there's actually a Wikipedia entry on this.) So I had this little cold, and I thought it went away. But apparently it was just resting and rebuilding and luring my asthma over to the dark side with promises of dry clothes and twinkies, or something. As of this morning I'm experiencing the delightful malaise that accompanies the sensation of one's lungs being delicately swaddled in saran. I'm not dying (I hope), it's only a cold, but it is unbelievably exhausting to spend an entire day feeling like you can't get enough air. I'm cranky. And...
Okay. Turn away if you're squeamish. Hide your children. I am about to overshare, in that very special way that I do. Because I am all about the sharing, particularly when it's GROSS! Because I am a child. Or maybe because I'm the anti-christ. I just don't know. What I DO know is that things got a little frightening there for a bit, and then all was made wonderful again. First: I woke up in agony. Then: I had pie for breakfast! After which: Order was restored to the universe. Perhaps I've left out some pertinent details. Let me get some more PIE and I will elaborate. I jest. I'm not having...
It was all going along so well. I had a lovely talk with my friendly neighborhood Unemployment Adjudication... ummm... Guy (Representative?), covering such fascinating topics as how to properly report my freelance earnings--as I have doubled my contracts since yesterday (that's what's cool about having one contract... once you have TWO contracts, you've got twice as many!)--and how my former employer has decided to give me the rest of the money they sort of forgot to finish paying me before. All in all, not a bad start to the day, you know? I was feeling good. Empowered! Hopeful! Less broke!...
I had a lot of trouble getting dressed today. Oh, sure. There are many things I've yet to master in this life, and putting clothing on my body usually doesn't make that list. But today was different, because today I was heading over to the hospital for my BONE DENSITOMETRY scan. BONE DENSITOMETRY (as my handy brochure rushed to tell me) "is performed to measure the denity of bone in the spine and hips." Furthermore, "BONE DENSITOMETRY allows your physician to assess your risk of stress fractures due to bone loss." I guess the method where they just twist your arm a little and see if your...
