Remember when I used to write here all the time? No? Huh. Me neither. But I heard a rumor that it used to be so. You know, back before life chewed me up and spit me out as a humorless husk of crankiness. [HA! Just kidding. I'm TOTALLY CHEERFUL! I mean, most of the time. Some of the time. Occasionally. Look, I'm working on it. (No, really, I'm literally working on it. Like, old-school literally, not the new-fangled literally that makes linguists weep.)] Anyway. Stuff has been happening, I just haven't had the time to sit down and write about it because of reasons. (Those reasons include---but...
There's this magical time period when your little kids start becoming more self-sufficient and fun to do things with that do not involve Candyland or being a pretty pretty princess, and for a few years, you can totally be lulled into feeling like being a parent is totally awesome and not that hard after all. And then they become teenagers. (SURPRISE!) So then you'll find yourself saying things you never imagined would need saying, and doing things like putting a condom on a banana and then watching your kid eat the banana afterward because, hey, that's a very safe banana and it shouldn't go...
I commented to someone the other day that I really never know how to react to the (often placating) usage of the phrase "All teens do that, it's totally normal." Do they/is it really? On the one hand, I don't appreciate challenges we face due to my kids' "extras" being brushed off as no biggie; but on the other hand, it turns out that I have no idea what normal teens do. It's doubtful that I was ever a normal anything, myself, and my kids are not neurotypical, so how the heck am I supposed to know if they're being normal teens or being their special snowflakey pain-in-the-butt YOONIQUE...
Or, Things I did wrong recently. Or, Life is hard because I am dumb. Or, Allow me to make you feel better about your life choices. I keep telling myself that I should just come over here and post some dog pictures and call it a day---after all, who needs content when you have furballs, right?---but it hasn't happened and now all of that procrastination has paid off, because it turns out that while no one day has been blog-worthy, lately, taken in sum total I have a veritable epic of life-and-how-to-do-it-wrong to share. Every day is a new opportunity to do something else stupid, as I always...
I think I have discussed here before a certain... shall we say... philosophy difference in parenting between myself and my children's father. Said difference manifests in a hundred different ways, but one of the most frustrating for me has been---and mind you, we've been divorced for ELEVEN FREAKING YEARS---this pervasive feeling that, as the custodial parent, I do most of the "hard" stuff and he gets to do the "fun" stuff. This is not a problem unique to us, of course. But as someone who really enjoys giving gifts to people I love, it has been a small but sharp point of contention all this...
Being an adult is complicated, man. While I appreciate that I don't have to ask anyone if I feel like having ice cream for dinner (this IS the marvelous future I imagined!), there are other aspects of adulthood I don't relish quite so much. Like, the older I become, the more I realize I'm responsible for my own behavior, regardless of how anyone else has behaved towards me. In a word: BUMMER. Teaching these lessons to my kids feels a bit Sisyphean. Today I'm over at Alpha Mom, talking about what respect really means, and how much it's not about the other person. It turns out that sometimes...
Today over at Alpha Mom I'm sharing the naked truth about keeping romance alive when you have teenagers. Spoiler: It's a lot harder than I thought it would be (and not in a "that's what she said" kind of way, either). This would be a good time for nosey children of mine who like to read my blog to NOT go read that particular post. Consider yourselves warned. By way of apology, I offer you this picture of my breakfast. (They let me eat about half of it.)
Scintillating life development this week: I went to make myself a haircut appointment---as the weather warms up, my hair has begun to expand accordingly---and discovered that my last cut was... last April. Granted, I've been growing my hair out more or less ever since I stopped dying it and cut it all off a couple of years ago, but still. The fact that I went almost an entire year without so much as a trim is an excellent metaphor for the year in general. Don't worry, I'm getting it cut on Thursday. For my next trick, I may even remember to have my teeth cleaned. Anyway. While I'm busy...
Apparently I'm still writing things in other places, on account of those pesky "contracts" and "bills to pay" and all of that. This week at Alpha Mom, I'm telling you why everyone's favorite song of the moment has become my new anthem. Sure, it goes great with animated princesses, but it goes even better with floundering teens (for real). Plus, it's fun to sing in the car.
