Thou shall suck it up and talk about it

There’s this magical time period when your little kids start becoming more self-sufficient and fun to do things with that do not involve Candyland or being a pretty pretty princess, and for a few years, you can totally be lulled into feeling like being a parent is totally awesome and not that hard after all.

And then they become teenagers. (SURPRISE!) So then you’ll find yourself saying things you never imagined would need saying, and doing things like putting a condom on a banana and then watching your kid eat the banana afterward because, hey, that’s a very safe banana and it shouldn’t go to waste.


In an effort to spread the horror joy, I’m over at Alpha Mom today, outlining the commandments of talking to your teens about sex.


  1. Mandy

    Thinking good thoughts for you and the family. I miss seeing you pop up in my FB and RSS feeds.

  2. LizD

    Mom, what’s ‘foreplay’? How do gay people have sex?

    Then, in Catholic high school, he was required to take a religion class about sex… I was totally prepared to counter some of what he was taught. However, the school is in the liberal bubble just outside San Francisco. Turns out he learned things I didn’t know! And I’m from the generation of “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask.”

    For what it’s worth, I couldn’t imagine him spending on condoms (but the girls are on the pill!) so every now and then a box showed up on his bed. When the kid went off to college, there was an ENORMOUS supply left behind

  3. Sherri

    Great article! I love that you pointed out we should share that everyone has regrets. I think it’s important for my kids to know I am not perfect and there have been times I’ve struggled. Of course that leads to your other point of sharing things in an age appropriate way.

  4. Mary K. in Rockport

    Excellent, excellent, excellent advice. Should be emblazoned on a huge poster in the nurse’s office in every public and private middle and high school.

  5. Javamom

    I like it! I like the lists for both sides. And I will reference this when the time comes.

    One thing that pops into my head is when Sonja, who was 5 at the time, asked me about babies. She specifically wanted to know what it “feel like to have a baby”. I was a little confused and didn’t immediately respond. I know that kid…her mind is always in overdrive. So I prodded her with my own questions:

    what do you mean ‘feels like’?

    Turns out she wasn’t interested in the birthing part, which is how I and my mom interpreted this. She wanted to know what it feels like to hold a baby in her arms…


    I sent her to her friend’s house who had a brand new baby brother. Problem solved!

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