May 4, 2009 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Ottomatic For the People

There are many ways in which Otto and I are similar, and other ways in which we are completely different. And then some ways in which we are each changing, due to the influence of the other.

Example the first: Otto used to believe a meal is not a meal unless it includes large hunks of meat or potatoes (preferably both). Thanks to living with us, he now understands that it is, in fact, possible to have a really nice meal that features other foods.

Example the second: I used to believe that the purpose of riding in a car was to GET somewhere. Thanks to Otto’s influence, I now understand that sometimes the journey itself is the goal, not just the destination. I mean, Otto still has a much higher tolerance for riding around aimlessly than I do, but I sort of get it.

Anyway, stuff like that. And then there’s the whole vacation thing. (more…)

May 2, 2009 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Ottomatic For the People

We’re in the car taking a brief trip (right now! I love my iPhone!) and there is a tremendous WHOMP as Chickadee whacks my seat from behind.

Me: Stop kicking my seat!
Her: I’m not kicking, that was my HEAD!
Me: Stop headbutting my seat!
Her: That hurt my head WAY more than it hurt your back!
Me: My BACK!
Her: My HEAD!!
Otto: My GOD. That’s it; I am NOT driving you two to Hawaii, now. [We both stare at him.] You know, through the secret government tunnel. Nevermind.

I can hardly wait for our first big trip this summer. Obviously.

April 30, 2009 | My name is Grumplestiltskin

All day—as I worked, ran around doing various delightful things like taking my son to the orthodontist to have part of his gums lasered off (note to self: BUY MEDAL AND ICE CREAM)—I kept thinking I would find my happy place and return to my computer ready to do a Love Thursday post. I like Love Thursday. Some might even say I LOVE Love Thursday. And I’ve always managed to find something love-worthy even on days that weren’t so great.

But not today.

Today my love is on temporary hiatus, and it has been replaced with a DEEP and ABIDING sense of SQUICK. I’m sorry, but it’s true. And I don’t know how to fix it. (more…)

April 29, 2009 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

It feels like we’ve been laying low, the last few days. Sure, we’re doing our regular things—school, work, shuffling the kids to and fro—but it all feels kind of… muted. Every morning I check the news; the perpetrator of last weekend’s tragedy is still at large, and swine flu is still scaring the crap out of everyone. [Though you sort of have to love today's BIG STORY on CNN about "patient zero" in the epidemic, which includes this: "Five-year-old Edgar Hernandez credits ice cream for helping him feel better." Awesome reporting, CNN! Getting the world the information they need, right when they need it. Because tonight is 39 cent scoop night at Baskin-Robbins, y'know. BRING YOUR MASK!]

Life goes on, and the minutiae of the day to day continues, and I feel a little melancholic about it all, but that could just be the swine flu. I’m not sure. Possibly I’ll have to get some ice cream, just to be on the safe side. (more…)

April 27, 2009 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", My name is Grumplestiltskin, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

On Saturday, Otto needed to be on campus all day for a workshop, so the kids and I were left to fend for ourselves. No matter—we slept late, lolled around in our jammies, and about three hours later than we normally have breakfast, I made the kids some French toast out of homemade bread.

["Mom, this is the best French toast in the history of French toast," Monkey said, mouth crammed full and syrup dribbling from the corner of his lips. I know he's a suck-up, but it's still nice to hear.]

After, I did the dishes while the kids played on the computer. I suggested we think about going on a bike ride together, and they seemed to find that a pretty exciting prospect, so I laid out a plan whereby they could do a few necessary things (homework, practicing piano) while I did a little work, and then we’d get ready to go.

Everyone agreed and set to work. (more…)

April 25, 2009 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Other than her very first year of life—where she went from a froggy little blob to a walking, talking, demanding little creature—I can think of no other year of Chickadee’s life where she seems so changed, to me.

She began smelling less like a kid.

She cut her hair.

She got contact lenses.

And now, she’s gone and made herself all fancy. May BAYBEEEEEEE! All grown up!

April 24, 2009 | Detritus

It’s supposed to be 89 degrees here today. EIGHTY. NINE. DEGREES. In April.

(Nope, I don’t think I will ever get used to it. That’s some craziness, right there.)

When we did the big closet clean-out a few weeks ago, we took a load of the kids’ outgrown clothes to our local consignment shop, and picked up a few new things. Amongst them was a smocked sundress for Chickadee, suitable for Georgia summer, but completely UNsuitable for the 50- and 60-degree weather we were having at the time. She has asked to wear that damn dress every single day since we bought it. Yesterday I checked the forecast and she said, “NOW can I wear my new dress tomorrow??” I said sure, and now I’m the greatest person in the whole wide world. (Until I do something that offends her, of course. I’ve got that scheduled for about five minutes after the kids get home from school today. I figured I’d give her time to have a snack, first.)

Also, my garden is growing by leaps and bounds and the pollen is starting to dissipate a bit, but none of these things are the reason why I know it’s summer. (more…)

April 23, 2009 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

It’s become something of a joke with me that if I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed by life or work or some combination thereof, you’ll find me in the kitchen covered in flour. I have always loved to cook; it’s only in the last few years that I’ve really embraced baking. And only in the last year that I’ve learned about the Miracle of Bread.

Owing to a few particularly traumatic pie crust experiences in my younger days, somehow I had assumed that anything more complicated than cookies or muffins would be beyond my abilities. But then, one day, well… there was beer cheese bread. And oh my lord, it was SO GOOD.

Thus began the slippery slide.

I mean, beer cheese bread is hardly for everyday. I still make that to go with soup. Or when we’re having company. Or when we have beer. Okay, I make it a LOT, but it wasn’t long before I was branching out. (more…)

April 22, 2009 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", What do I do all day?

Every now and then I write a difficult post about Deep Thoughts that really resonates with folks, and that’s terribly gratifying, and I feel all warm and fuzzy and embrace the whole community aspect of blogging and feel like we’re all in this life thing together. I open up, and you welcome me with open arms, and I realize that sharing thoughts and feelings is GOOD and TRUE and NICE.

And then other times, I write about a room full of women and sex toys, and suddenly that’s the most-visited post I’ve ever written and I realize that actually no one really cares about my deep thoughts nearly as much as folks want to envision a lightsaber duel between two glowing vibrators.

Everything I ever thought was true was a lie! Oh, the humanity (or lack thereof)! Please stand by while I rend my garments and wail! (more…)

April 21, 2009 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

I don’t usually (read: ever) blog about sex. I’m a shy, retiring flower when it comes to such things. Also, my husband is descended from Puritans and my dad reads here (waving to all of the horrified men in my life). So, yeah. Not a sex blogger.

On the other hand, some things must be blogged. Some things BEG to be blogged. And going to a “special” party just for ladies is one of them, no? Yes. I went to such an event, my pretties, and it was truly the experience of a lifetime.

Not so much because of the products themselves, no. More because you just tend to learn a lot about people when you’re hanging out in a room where there’s a table full of fake penises just sitting there. Come on in! Have a drink! Try the bean dip! And have you seen the giant assortment of brightly-colored mechanical phalluses? No? Well COME HAVE A LOOK! (more…)