It’s D’lovely!
Sheryl at Papernapkin has dubbed today, January 5, International De-Lurking Day. That means that if you visit a blog today, you must comment or bad luck will befall you, your children, your children’s children, and so on and so forth. Well, not really, but hey, commenting is painless and every once in a while it wouldn’t kill ya. This is your chance to see and be seen, to comment and leave your mark on the world! Er, at least to leave your mark on my blog.
And I’m still sick and highly unlikely to say anything interesting today, so have at it. It’s Make Your Own Entertainment day here at Woulda Coulda Shoulda! Ready? Go!
I’m on fire!
But, uh, not in the good way. I’m running a fever. Which is fabulous timing, because it’s not like I have anything I needed to be doing today, or anything….
My ex called on Sunday night to warn me that he had a fever. The call was ostensibly to alert me to the children possibly having been exposed, but I suspect they got him sick, rather than the other way around. I also suspect he was looking for some sympathy. “Get some rest!” I cheerfully suggested. He stayed home from work yesterday, and still had a fever when he called to talk to the kids.
By that time–right before dinner–I was starting to feel a little punky. When he told me he didn’t know if he’d take them for dinner tonight or not, let’s talk in the morning, I said fine.
Him: You okay?
Me: I dunno. I feel a little weird.
Him: Oh, I hope you’re not getting sick!
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But he doesn’t smell like one
Happy birthday to you,
you live in a zoo,
you’re my sweet dear Monkey,
and now I’ll squeeze you til you turn bluuuuueeeee!
Actually, I usually follow it up with tickling him until he pees, but the rhyming, you understand, doesn’t work so well with that one….
In a few short hours (I’m writing this Monday night, and setting it to publish at midnight) my baby will be five whole years old. My baby. My last baby.
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First job application of the new year
Dear Large Faceless Temp Agency:
As you will see from my attached resume, I once had a real job and made real money. This was long ago. My IQ has been dropping exponentially since my decision to stay home and parent my children full-time, which is a real shame. However, I hope to relearn how to tie my own shoes, someday.
In the meantime, there are bills to pay and small people to clothe and I would like to start working for money again. My hysterectomy scar has, unfortunately, ruled out stripping as a viable option. Likewise, I have the stink of motherhood on me and will never again work as an engineer. And so, I turn to your organization, filled with hope.
Perhaps you can find me a nice assignment for minimum wage. There was a time when I would’ve scoffed at such a thing, true. But no longer! I will type. I will file. I will try very very hard not to weep when reminding myself that I went to grad school for the pleasure of being treated like an imbecile. Plus I have a very pleasing phone voice.
I look forward to meeting with you and discussing my unbelievably limited future. No need to thank me; my therapist’s shiny new luxury car is all I need to know that I’m changing the world in meaningful ways.
Best Regards,
Mir
Back to channel surfing….
Dear blind friend-of-a-friend fix-up guy,
You know, I was almost believing that excuse about delayed IMs because of “not being a very fast typist.”
But I must say that if you delay long enough between responses that I have ample time to track down your profile on match.com and it turns out that you’re ONLINE AND ACTIVE that sort of ruins the impression of slow but undivided attention.
Busted.
Also? It says which is your best feature. Not which is your most prominent personality trait. Gold star to whomever identifies what he answered for that…. *snort*
Sincerely,
She who is tiring of the current hail of TOADS
The top-ten lists of the new year
Things I should be doing right now:
1) Packing up the Christmas stuff.
2) Cleaning.
3) Laundry.
4) Putting away laundry.
5) Determining whether that gargantuan pile of clothing sitting at the end of my bed is clean or dirty.
6) Going through closets.
7) Sewing capes (keep reading).
8) Having lunch.
9) Fixing my desktop computer.
10) Formulating my plan for the week.
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Just so we’re clear
Yes, I am rapidly becoming addicted to Yahoo! Literati.
Yes, I should probably try to develop some other hobbies.
No, “sats” is not a word.
No, neither is “diedopie.”
Yes, the correct usage is “On Thanksgiving I sats my ass down by the desserts and then I justabout DIEDOPIE!”
I hope that clears up some things.
Having a three-way
Did you know there’s a marathon going on all day today?
Yeah, baby. Me, Stacy, and Clinton. Ushering in the new year. Woo!
Is it hot in here?
Here’s to 2005 bringing us all health and happiness. Or, you know, less innuendo and more actual raunch. I’m not picky.
The last meme of 2004!
Stolen from Zoot, who stole it from someone else. I haven’t done a meme in a loooong time, but this one looked like a fitting end to the year.
Plus nothing interesting happened to me today, because I suspect my son asking me questions at full-volume and my daughter dropping candy all over the floor during Polar Express was amusing only to me.
She only ate one off of the floor before I caught her. Ewwwwwww.
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The return of Fun Mama
I have the kids for one day before they go back to Daddy’s for the weekend. On the one hand, they’ve been having a wild and crazy time over there and part of me thinks they just need a day of structure and rest.
On the other hand, why should he have all the fun?
We’re all still in our pajamas, following sleeping late and an elegant breakfast-and-cartoons experience here in the family room.
Monkey: I’m thirsty!
Me: That’s nice.
Monkey: Um. Mama, may I please have some milk?
Me: Yes, you may. Thank you for asking so nicely.
Monkey: You’re funny, Mama.
Me: Are you going to spill this milk?
Monkey: No, I’m going to drink it.
Me: Are you sure?
Monkey: Yes! I am going to be so careful, because if I spill again you will cry. Also, I’m very thirsty.
Well then.
Anyway, I’m formulating a gameplan. We’ll get dressed. We’ll have a little something for lunch, eventually. Then we’re going to the movies. And I can’t say for sure, but I think we may be having ice cream for dinner. Just because.
Next week, it’s back to business as usual. Next week, I’ll be the meanest Mama in the world (again). Today? I am totally smuggling candy into Polar Express with us.