There are so many jokes that spring to mind, here, but none is as funny as the straight-up truth: The pediatrician’s recommended remedy for Chickadee’s eczema is to coat her liberally in Crisco after each shower. Crisco. I just did it, for the first time, and it wasn’t as gross as I’d imagined. In fact, her parched skin drank it right up. But, still. Ewwww. Although, I am enjoying the ability to threaten to dust her in cornmeal and dunk her in boiling oil if she doesn’t behave.
In other news, the De-Lurking Day is enjoying huge success, both here and at other blogs. Thanks to everyone who came forth to be counted, today! And keep it going (the day’s not over yet)! I particularly needed the warm-fuzzies this evening, as I had this actual unretouched conversation in the car on the way home today:
Me: I think we’ll have chicken for dinner.
Chickadee: I don’t want chicken.
Monkey: I hate chicken.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. And what are you making for dinner?
Chickadee: I want mac and cheese.
Me: We can’t actually eat macaroni every single night.
Monkey: I don’t want that, either.
Chickadee: I want pancakes.
Me: We’re not having pancakes.
Chickadee: Bacon?
Me: Bacon? For dinner? Um, NO. Hey, guess what!
Both: What??
Me: We’re having CHICKEN.
Monkey: YUCK!
Chickadee: You never let us pick!
Me: Okay, how about this. One of you get a gun. Then the other one, hold me down. Then the one with the gun can shoot me. In the head. Then you can make your own dinner.
Monkey: I’ll shoot you!
Chickadee: I’ll hold her down!
Monkey: Then we can have pop-tarts for dinner!!
Chickadee: No, Monkey! Guess what! We can have CANDY for dinner! And we’ll never have to go to school!
Monkey: Yay!
Me: I’m so glad to see that in the event of my untimely demise, I would be so missed.
Monkey: You’re dead, Mama. Dead people don’t talk.
Ok, working through the legal ramifications here (as I’m sorta wont to do…). So if there’s a conspiracy to shoot you, since you’re the one that suggested it, does that make you part of it? Mir, just say no–teach them kids crime don’t PAY! Not unless candy for dinner counts as pay, of course..hmm….
I have to admit, sometimes when I’ve thawed chicken for dinner, that is my exact reaction. Especially chicken legs. Ok, maybe I’m weird.
Hmmmm – I might just have pancakes for dinner. That actually sounds yummy.
I hope you are keeping records of all these conversations and sayings. The day will come when you can use them for viable blackmail. Not that I would personally have done such a thing. Okay, maybe I did. A few dozen times. mwahahahahahahahahaha. . . . .
the kids gotta point.
LOL, isn’t it nice to know that our off spring sherish us so.
Don’t let her get into any pillow fights with monkey – at least not with down pillows – that could get a little “sticky”
De-Lurking by request. Love your blog.
Re dinner, my SO is a chicken addict. Constantly requests I make it and then eats it for breakfast, lunch and dinner for days on end.
We call it “No Chicken Left Behind.”
okay…i’m delurking twice in one day to thank you mir darling for a laugh right out loud that has the rest of my household wondering what’s so funny. i love your kids.
I’m sorry, Mir, I thought the Crisco thing was common knowledge. But we learned that since many of our foster kids (and two of my current kids) were black and tend to get a little dry.
Something else that works is flax seed oil and/or fish oil, just givem a spoonful or two each day. Lubes them up from the inside out. But if they don’t care for chicken you might have to trick them (this is magical ointment that if you take it every day for five years you can be invisible like Violet on the Incredibles. Really. Just do it.)
And I’m thinking we have a chance for a “CSI:Casa Mir” spinoff.
I am still coughing from laughing so hard…
de-lurking for the second time in one day, too … just speculating whether if you’re dead you’re relieved from the constant food complaints. I completely stole it from another blog comment, but admit to saying at dinner tonight “you don’t have to like it, you just have to eat it!”
p.s. hadn’t heard about the Crisco-cure. My 5-year-old is a constant- scratch-machine, especially in our (uncommonly!) dry weather, so I’m hauling the tub-o-goo out as soon as the bath/play/splash/kid-fest ends.
Are they chocolate fudge pop-tarts?
Sounds like my kids. Happy De-Lurking day!
crisco? When I was a teen I had a friend who used crisco as tanning lotion. Wonder if her skin fell off yet?
What is it with Mac n’Cheese and kids? Mine is 22 and when she comes home from college what does she want but Mac n’ Cheese. I used to love that dish..but no more.
Adore your blog.
Your kids always make me laugh! Happy De-Lurking Day, my most favorite Mir!
Ok, squeezing in one de-lurk before midnight! I get great enjoyment lurking here! Great site Mir! Lovin the Crisco Chick & her Monkey sidekick!
Oh my, the love.
Some of my favorite dinners as a kid were when my mom would make breakfast for dinner – pancakes, bacon, omlets, crepes.
Once you teach kids that crepes are fun food – you can fill them with jam or put syrup on them – you can fill them with any healthy crap and they will eat it.
After my mom made us loves crepes she would fill them with chicken and broccoli and all sorts of disgusting things for dinner.
You have to let me know if the crisco trick works! Seriously!!! My son has the worst ezcema, and I’m doing those stupid oatmeal baths & oatmeal lotion. The bathes are gross and the bath toys are crusted with oatmeal which I have to scrub after every bath. Does it smell???
Did you try Eucerin CREAM (not the lotion)?? It worked wonders for my son’s eczema on his cheeks.
I once overheard my children deciding which parent they wanted to live with “when” we divorced. We didn’t but to their then 4 and 5 minds none of their friends had two parents. They thought they had one too many. It sort of hurt then but 20+ years later it is cute.
Linda
You know what else Crisco is good for? Killing lice! Just keep it in mind!