I’m on fire!

By Mir
January 4, 2005

But, uh, not in the good way. I’m running a fever. Which is fabulous timing, because it’s not like I have anything I needed to be doing today, or anything….

My ex called on Sunday night to warn me that he had a fever. The call was ostensibly to alert me to the children possibly having been exposed, but I suspect they got him sick, rather than the other way around. I also suspect he was looking for some sympathy. “Get some rest!” I cheerfully suggested. He stayed home from work yesterday, and still had a fever when he called to talk to the kids.

By that time–right before dinner–I was starting to feel a little punky. When he told me he didn’t know if he’d take them for dinner tonight or not, let’s talk in the morning, I said fine.

Him: You okay?
Me: I dunno. I feel a little weird.
Him: Oh, I hope you’re not getting sick!

So we had dinner, baked cupcakes for school today, did our normal evening things, and as the kids were getting into their jammies, I took my temperature. Oh. Hrm. Okay, well, I’ll get the kids to bed and then go to sleep, myself, and hopefully be better in the morning.

Except, I needed to stay up a while so that I could frost the cupcakes. So I did that. And then I made a shocking scientific discovery: it’s really hard to sleep when your eyeballs are too hot. Trust me on this. So I stayed up a while, wrote Monkey’s birthday post, tried to watch some television (also hard to do with firey eyeballs, by the way), and eventually fell asleep.

This morning I gulped some advil as Chickadee dragged me down to Monkey’s room to serenade him, and somehow managed to get both children and all of their gear and two dozen cupcakes out the door on time. Then I came back home and went back to bed.

Oh, wait. Did I say I went back to bed? I meant to say that I sent out my special super-secret CALL ME RIGHT NOW beacon because I felt like talking on the phone to everyone in the world. My mistake! Monkey has a check-up tomorrow, please bring his insurance card. My cable company would like to give me Starz! for free because it’s the suckiest movie channel on the planet and no one is willing to pay for it. The salon is looking forward to seeing me for my haircut. Chickadee has a therapy appointment. Someone will be here for Monkey’s party on Saturday (I probably should’ve paid more attention to that one). Oh, and my ex called.

Him: I stayed home from work again today.
Me: Oh, you’re still sick?
Him: Well, my fever’s gone. I’m just tired, I guess.
Me: Oh. Well, do you want the kids for dinner?
Him: Well… ummm… how are you feeling?
Me: I’ve got a temp of 101.
Him: Oh, then you’re probably too sick to drive them down here. Why don’t we skip it.

Wasn’t that thoughtful of him? I mean, I’m too sick to drive down there. Not, apparently, too sick to feed, bathe, and entertain two children all evening, though. And he can’t come up here and pick them up because… ummm… well, I’m sure he has a good reason.

Like that when you’re a stay-at-home parent you do what needs to be done, and when you’re a wussy self-centered “very involved father” you elect to miss your son’s birthday. Perhaps that’s it.

It might bother me less if my eyeballs were cooler. But I sort of doubt it.

Anyway, I’d better get moving. I asked Monkey at breakfast what he’d like for his birthday dinner. “Anything at all, buddy. You get to choose, because it’s your birthday.” Ever the gourmet, he thought long and hard and finally proclaimed that cheese and crackers sounded very delicious. I tried to suggest some alternatives, but he was not to be swayed. Alrighty, then.

Besides, when I put the cheese slices on the crackers, they’re liable to melt a little bit, which officially then makes them fancy. Never let it be said that we don’t know how to party, here.

UPDATE: The ex called back later and agreed to take the kids for dinner. I don’t know what changed his mind, but that’s good, I guess.


  1. Ben

    He’s “tired.” Awwwww. Isn’t that cute.

    Also, I’m thinking of putting Oh, I hope you’re not getting sick! on t-shirts and selling them. Saves wear-and-tear on the sore throat to just let the other person read your sentiment, ya know?

  2. Pamalamadingdong

    Perhaps if I liked them for you? Your eyeballs i mean.

  3. Pamalamadingdong

    It was supposed to be LICKED…not liked.
    Well there goes the humour in THAT comment.

  4. Ben

    I thought “liked” was funny, in it’s own way…

    either way it’s kinda hot.

    (badum bump)

  5. RockStar Mommy

    You probably got it from me. Sorry. But then again, I got it from you – or at least, from commenting on your site!
    It all goes full circle.

    Feel better soon.

  6. Heather

    Are you absolutely certain he doesn’t read this site? Or at least that someone who knows him and also has enough sense to wack him one when he pulls this kind of crap doesn’t read this site?

  7. Girl.A

    I just logged in and got something, umm, itchy on my hand.

    Shit, then I just scratched something.

  8. vics

    I read a comment (on genuines site i think) about keeping antiseptic wipes around your gaff and every once in a while wiping down door handles and toilet flush etc etc, it could be a way of containing it so the cherubs dont go full circle with ya, nothing like a vicious circle virus to bring in the new year eh?!
    Wish I was closer so I could offer babysitting to allow for crash time – in lieu of that – best wishes Hun.

  9. Fraulein N

    The ex must have someone around to smack sense into him every now and then. Or maybe he’s finally growing up. Either way, hope you feel better soon.

  10. Sheryl

    Glad Very Involved (And Fun!) Father stepped up to the plate. Hope you get lots of rest, and that the wee ones don’t catch it.

  11. csm

    I’m so sorry you’re sick! It sucks being a mom and being sick, no one mothers you. Wish I could send you some chicken soup….

  12. Ginny

    Ex changed his mind because firey eyeballs have magical powers! Yes, they do! Not only are they burning hot, they are telepathic. Okay, probably not, but wouldn’t that be cool?? Hope you feel better soon.

  13. suzanne

    I’m beginning to think that you can get a virus from blogging. Everyone is sick and passing it around. Isn’t it grande?
    turn off the phone and get some rest!

  14. Amalah

    Feel better darling. And I’m glad he opted NOT to be the complete and total asshat about taking the kids, although your commenters would have had more fun if he had.

  15. Amanda B.

    Lovely blog darling. Exes…shiver. That’s enough to makes me sickypoo in itslef.

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