I swear we actually had this conversation in the car this morning. It was right after I was informed that it's time to have Chickadee tested for ADD. (I like how her therapist tried to soften the blow by pointing out that part of the testing is an IQ test, so we'll find out "just how smart she really is," as if confirmation on paper that she's a genius will somehow offset the fact that the cards are stacked against her in so many other ways.) Anyway, I was deep in my own thoughts, and this was just what I needed to bring me back to a place where I can love my life for everything it is,...
You know it's going to be a long day when you've said all the following by 8:00 AM: "Please don't stick your fingers up my nose." "Yes, you're right, they do make a funny hat, but now I would like you to put your underwear on properly, please." "Yes, with toothpaste." "Is everything okay in your pants?" "I would like to meet this 'Not Me' fellow and have a talk with him. Tell him to come see me the next time he's around." "Be quiet and eat your pop-tart." (Remember the days before children, when you and I and everyone else swore never to feed such dreck to our kids?) "Stop. Talking. Please."...
Who's going to the movies today? Go on, guess! If you guessed NOT ME, you are 100% correct! I've decided the only way to assuage my disappointment over not getting to see The Incredibles today is to write, direct, and star in my own movie. I will be shamelessly ripping off the plot from The Incredibles, because I'm ambitious but not all that creative. The Intractables is a laugh-a-minute romp featuring the world's grumpiest family, called upon to behave normally for a mere 24 hours in order to attain the ultimate goal: getting to go to the movies. Meet the Intractables: Mama's special...
As in, just handed to me on a teeny piece of paper with even teenier writing: The birthday by Chickadee The Cat Was sad. No one will Come to his birthday. he made a cake. he made a game. he made some party hats. he had some balloons. But... he had no Guest. and... surprise. The Guest are here. They eat the Cake. They play the Games. The end. I read it and clapped; I thought that was a pretty impressive solo endeavor, at 6. Her response? "Mama, why are you applausing?"
Because I have all the memory and learning capacity of a paramecium, I turned on my Ben Folds Five CD in the car again today. When "Song for the Dumped" came on I immediately hit the button to skip to the next track, and Chickadee threw a hissy fit. Her: NO! Go back! I like that song!! Me: Honey, I don't think we should listen to it. Her: But I LIKE IT! Me: *wavering; hey, I like it too* Well, I guess we can listen to it, as long as you understand they use some bad language in this song that we will not be repeating. We don't use words like that, right? Her: Right. I know, Mama. Music: Well...
It's November. It's November in New England. It's winter coat weather. Chickadee adores her bus driver, and with good reason; that woman is remarkable. You couldn't pay me enough to get up early in the morning and drive around an entire busload of children. Half the time, I don't want to cart around the two who share my DNA, so really, I don't know where she gets her deep reserves of cheerfulness and goodwill, but I applaud her. The only downside to her great zeal for transporting our town's youth is that Monday mornings just don't come quickly enough for her liking. She is always early on...
Please study the attached mug shot carefully. These criminals are said to be armed with sugar and dangerous. Last seen somewhere in the New England area, they are guilty of previous tantrums, giggle fits, and all-around hyperactivity. They are particularly dangerous when in disguise, as they then believe they are not responsible for their actions, e.g., "It wasn't me, it was that other knight," and "Well that's what dragons DO, I couldn't help it." Forced to wait an entire day to launch their latest campaign to rot out all their teeth, tensions are running high and the infighting has begun....
Gah. Is Halloween over yet?? It's starting to feel like a month-long extravaganza. I have a huge stack of paper pumpkins and renderings of witches and the like that I've been forbidden to throw away. First we spent the beginning of the month choosing and finding and refining the necessary costumes, and since then it's been an exercise in patience. For me. The children are not patient. The children ask every single day if it's Halloween yet. And today, what fun! Halloween parties at school! Because heaven knows it's not like they're going to have enough junk food this weekend! Great! In their...
