The Intractables

By Mir
November 14, 2004

Who’s going to the movies today? Go on, guess!

If you guessed NOT ME, you are 100% correct!

I’ve decided the only way to assuage my disappointment over not getting to see The Incredibles today is to write, direct, and star in my own movie. I will be shamelessly ripping off the plot from The Incredibles, because I’m ambitious but not all that creative.

The Intractables is a laugh-a-minute romp featuring the world’s grumpiest family, called upon to behave normally for a mere 24 hours in order to attain the ultimate goal: getting to go to the movies.

Meet the Intractables:

Mama‘s special super-powers include the Glare of Death and Withering Indifference. When faced with trouble, she either turns the perpetrator to stone or ignores them completely until they get a grip. Sadly, her challenge is to harness her powers for good even when faced with meltdowns in front of the entire church. At the beginning of the movie she still exhibits a propensity for just observing mayhem in disbelief while wishing for a large hole to open in the floor.

Pushadee is the older sister, at turns brooding and delightful. Her talent is for pushing an observer’s sanity to the very limits. If you mouth “sit down” to her during the children’s sermon, she will stand straight up and wave her arms in the air. If you ask her to help her brother, she might smack him on the head. The movie will open with her arguing that she most certainly did not do whatever it is you just saw her doing right in front of your face.

Younger brother Monkagrump may at first appear to have no special powers at all… but don’t be fooled. As the movie reaches its first danger point, Monkagrump throws back his head and lets loose with screaming such as this world has never heard. The precise content of his diatribe is unimportant; what is important is his familiar refrain of “Do it all over again!!” which is the key to his strength. Righteousness and peace cannot be restored to the world until the featured transgression has been undone, time reversed, and everything executed to specification.

Follow The Intractables as they leave bemused and horrified observers in their wake and find out that their abominable behavior means they will not be seeing a movie today, after all. You’ll be on the edge of your seat as they drive home to a chorus of wailing and crying, and then refuse to eat lunch. Will The Intractables ever find a way to venture out into public again? You’ll have to watch it to find out!

This film is rated PG for violence, annoyingness, and excessive use of the word DAMMIT.


  1. Sheryl

    Oh yeah, I’ve seen that one at my house. I like the part where Mama decides to go over to the dark side and banishes the children to the dungeon, and then sequesters herself to watch a grown up dvd.

  2. Fraulein N

    I would totally go see that movie. Oh wait a minute, I’ve BEEN in that movie. I was the original Pushadee, complete with brother-smacking. Yeah.

  3. alektra

    I believe Mama’s real powers are the ability to stick to her guns.

  4. Jules

    What?? No trailer? :D

  5. Scully

    I just read your post to my 14 year old son and he was laughing his butt off. You are one funny funny lady and you wrote so well.

    Yeah, I’ve lived this movie. My younger sister and I had my mother (who was a single parent for 10 years) star in this movie many times while we were growing up.

    I hope you all get to see the Incredibles. We’ve seen it twice now. And it’s very very good!

    You are such a funny lady.

  6. csm

    I think we could very well be your long lost cousins, Princess fits right in with the wailing and screaming. My special powers? Finally blowing a gasket when pushed to the limit!! LOL good blog!

  7. dad

    I think your mother has several of these movies squerriled away in a dark, hard to find, place, probably near the mushroom cellar. I think we all lived this movie. At least all of us who have procreated.
    I won’t tell if you won’t.

  8. Terri

    ‘Dammit,’ that’s it? I figured it would be so much more colorful!

  9. Busy Mom

    Do you have matching spandex suits?

  10. alektra

    So you know, this works in Safari now. Yay!

  11. Jenny

    I haven’t seen it yet either. Waaaa!

  12. Joshilyn

    I think I played the role of PUSHADEE in the original movie. This must be a remake. Does that mean I get a cameo?

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