There's a little game on television that people in my area seem to be quite passionate about. I'm watching it, you know, because I don't want to be arrested or anything. But my level of involvement could best be classified as "Foothuh?" at the moment. My desktop computer is FIXED. And the angels rejoiced, etc. This miraculous event comes on the heels of my having procured a replacement, of course. Whoops. I guess the kids are getting their own computer. The laundry is done, the bills are paid, the trash is out, the groceries are put away, the house is tidy. Heading off to my first day of...
Hey, it's 6:11 AM. Guess why I'm up? No, really, go on! Guess! Well, it snowed, so there's a 2-hour school delay. So, naturally, the children got up at 5:45 to watch television. FIVE. FREAKING. FORTY. FIVE. Those of you who know what I'm up to today can stop laughing ANY TIME NOW. *#%*#$! (P.S. TRALALALALAAAAAAAAAA!)
He Had a Dream... So Do I! (Sent home in the completed work folder yesterday.) My Dream Is... that anumuls wod have anuf water and nether have to die. I hate hunters. they kill anumuls. I do not eat meat1 because I am a vetutairyin2. I eat salid insted of tercy on thanksgiveing3. I do not eat fish4 because there anumuls. and martin loother king was alive agen because he was a great man5. 1 She is possibly the biggest carnivore in our house. 2 Also, not a veterinarian, so far as I know. 3 She eats neither salad nor turkey on Thanksgiving, preferring instead to consume her body weight in...
Her: I want toast. Me: Okay. Her: No, wait. I want french toast for lunch. No toast now. Me: Okay. How about a banana? Her: Apple. Me: How about a banana? Her: Apple. Me: Hey, I know! How about... a banana! Her: I. Want. An. Apple. Me: Okay. I'm not cutting it up for you. Her: Fine. I'll have a banana. Me: Excellent choice. Who knew motherhood would give me everything I needed to prepare me for the subtleties of contract negotiations? I'm so ready for this afternoon's call.
In lieu of prepping for and heading out to the interview which I was supposed to have today, I am of course accomplishing all sorts of necessary tasks around the house. The place is spotless; the laundry is done; the driveway is shovelled; and I have alphabetized everyone's sock drawers. Aaaaaaaahahahahhaaha! Don't you love it when I'm ridiculous? I might've fooled everyone, too, if I hadn't thrown in the obvious lie about the laundry being done. That's me, just straying a wee bit over the top and causing the entire story to collapse. Alas. Okay, what I've actually been doing today is...
On Monday, we went to the McDonald's Play Place to celebrate Martin Luther King Day with the rest of the free world. We all said, "Hurray for Martin Luther King, Jr. and his pioneering work! Also, it is a crime against humanity for school to be closed on such a cold day. All you kids go into these brightly-colored plastic tunnels and don't come out until you feel copious amount of brotherly love!" And we mothers sat outside the Kiddie Habitrail and chatted and drank our diet cokes and hollered the occasional encouraging comment to our offspring. "Yes, I see you! Great climbing!" "Inside...
Apparently I'm not the only one reinventing myself in 2005. Do you think it's something in the water...? Behold, the Daughter Formerly Known As Scragglepuss. Do you have a daughter? If you do, you know that every little girl hits a point where she decides that She Must Have Long Hair. Because it's Girly. And Pretty. And Princess-y. And I don't know about you, but even though I have long hair, myself, this is a phenomenon that makes me want to puncture my own eardrums with pages ripped from "The Feminine Mystique," because listening to my offspring wax lyrical about how she might not be an...
Me: Eat your breakfast, please. Him: No, I want to eat something else. Me: Eat your breakfast. Him: I'm gonna eat... YOU! Me: Eeeeeek! Him: I'm gonna eat yoooouuuu!! Me: Don't eat me! I'm tough and yucky! Him: No you're not. You're a dewicate fwower! I pity the girl who breaks his heart... I've got my fava beans and a nice Chianti ready and waiting.
