I’m dating the television Articles

Misery loves company which is more miserable

Is it a bad sign when watching the horrifying season finale of ER cheers me up a little bit...? In other news: The long-delayed testosterone sleepover birthday party is happening here tomorrow, even if I have to put all of the boys in boats and give out oars as party favors. And the forecast is calling for heavy rain.

read more

This post will self-destruct in 5 seconds

(But not really.) Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to continue the theme of yesterday's post, except in a less cynical vein. I've told you what men are doing wrong. (And I cannot BELIEVE I forgot to mention appropriate handle usage. Nothing containing "knight" or referring to your car or your salary or how hot you believe yourself to be. Okay, I feel better now.) Today I turn the floor over to you. Write my personal ad. There are... *checking* 975 (!!) posts here to use as fodder. What would be an accurate representation of me that does NOT bring The Crazy sniffing around? I...

read more

Handy dating tips for the IQ impaired

Or, I've just about had it. Or, Google will not keep your secrets. Or, Men are from Mars, if by "Mars" you mean "Idiotworld." Or, And you thought these stories were weird. Wow. I could really just write titles for this baby all night long, and never even get to the post. You do realize that it's a very fine line that separates the absurd from the depressing, right? Picture me up high in the air, on the tightrope. I might even be wearing a tutu. So, uh, it's come to my attention that some men are in desperate need of a bit of coaching, when it comes to meeting ladies online. I live to serve,...

read more

I should be a movie critic

I mean it. I totally SHOULD be a movie critic, except for the part where I hardly ever see movies. Minor technicality. But when I DO see movies, I'm always just! so! excited! And I hear that enthusiasm is really more important than expertise, in many things. Perhaps that's true for movie reviews. Maybe not. You can be the judge. Just so long as you agree that I am right. This weekend I have already seen TWO movies! This represents an eighty kajillion percent increase over... ummm... every other weekend. So much excitement... I just don't know. It might not be good for my health. So far, I'm...

read more

Can’t… stop… watching

I've had an incredibly busy day. First, I had to sleep late. After that, I had to watch a bunch of television, interrupted only by bits of food choked down with some advil and a few phone calls which invariably came while I was napping. (I especially enjoyed the follow-up call from the hospital. Perky Voice asked me "And how are you feeling today?" and seemed unfazed when I replied "Like someone ran over my chest with a truck, thanks!") Part of me feels like I should be making a greater effort to get up and moving today, and part of me remains firmly convinced that this is my opportunity to...

read more

How to feel old

Realize that it's just a precious few years standing between Apolo Anton Ohno being "incredibly hot" and "young enough to be my kid." [Also, this just in: Ice dancing is STILL NOT A SPORT. Please take your spackling equipment (used for application of eye make-up) and go home.]

read more

Just killing time until Grey’s Anatomy

I dunno, maybe it's because I was getting the kids to bed and doing laundry and I'm just not feeling my best today... or maybe it's because I'm just getting old and jaded (shaddup)... but this year's Superbowl was perhaps the lamest in recent memory. For me. If it was a great game for you, well then, um, great. I'm happy for you. It's only fair to point out, I suppose, that I don't care at all about either the Steelers or the Seahawks. Chickadee stated emphatically that she was cheering for the Seagulls and I assured her that that was as prudent a course as any. (Later I did correct her, but...

read more

I wish I’d saved it for you

First things first: I am continuing my deep and abiding love for Tae Kwon Do. Not only did Chickadee crane around and flap her belt at me in excitement today ("LOOK MAMA," she mouthed, "ALL MY STRIPES!"), but I arrived for pick-up in time to watch the class go through a short routine where there was punching and positioning and HI-YAing and it was really quite impressive. And not just because MY wonderful and talented child (who is, by the way, one of the youngest in the class) was one of maybe only 5 (in 30 kids!) who had successfully passed both memorization quizzes and earned maximum...

read more

Insanity Diaries

Like most hip and happening people my age, I like to cut loose after a long week by eating kettle corn in bed while watching TLC. On Friday night. In my jammies. What? That's not what you do? You do so. Admit it. Anyway, we all know that I enjoy What Not To Wear. What you might not know is that I've recently started watching Ice Diaries as well, because it's on directly after. [For a while, Miami Ink followed WNTW and that was a far superior arrangement. What is there not to like about tattoos? Done by and for weird and fascinating people? Nothing! That show totally appeals to my inner...

read more

Things I Might Once Have Said

Categories

Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest