Insanity Diaries

By Mir
January 20, 2006

Like most hip and happening people my age, I like to cut loose after a long week by eating kettle corn in bed while watching TLC. On Friday night. In my jammies. What? That’s not what you do? You do so. Admit it.

Anyway, we all know that I enjoy What Not To Wear. What you might not know is that I’ve recently started watching Ice Diaries as well, because it’s on directly after.

[For a while, Miami Ink followed WNTW and that was a far superior arrangement. What is there not to like about tattoos? Done by and for weird and fascinating people? Nothing! That show totally appeals to my inner rebel! You know, the same rebel who eats popcorn in bed all willy nilly!]

Ice Diaries follows 4 Olympic figure skating hopefuls, and after watching a few episodes, I really feel enlightened. And horrified. But mostly confused.

So here are three important things I’ve decided, after partaking of Ice Diaries:

I shall only raise boys.
What’s that? Oh. Crap. Well, I may need an alternate strategy. Details.

No child of mine shall be allowed to participate in any activity that requires practice 5+ days/week from the age of 5.
I could tell you about how I think it’s not good for the kid, but mostly I’m just very attached to my free time and by the way, have you noticed the price of gas lately? No thanks.

Before enrolling any child in an activity, I shall evaluate the cost of participation and decline involvement if the associated fees exceed my income.
$1300 for skates? Custom costumes? Training fees? Do their parents sell drugs on the side? My kids are lucky that I feed them every day.

I confess: I just don’t get it. I don’t. I love to watch skating. It’s an incredible discipline. But it’s SO expensive and SO time-consuming and it doesn’t really seem like something you can take up as a hobby. I mean, you wanna play soccer? Great, play for your school team, play in intramurals, play for fun, play in an adult league. You can do it your whole life. If you take up figure skating, it’s with the purpose of competing and winning and doing so QUICKLY before you do anything foolish like GROW BREASTS or BECOME AN ADULT WITH BRITTLE BONES. (I suppose the same is true of gymnastics, though at least in gymnastics you don’t need expensive boots.)

Three of the four girls being featured are adorable. They seem dedicated to the sport, close to their families, and–although aware of how their training makes them different–fairly normal teenagers. I’m impressed by their dedication and their families’ support.

The fourth girl is recovering from a back injury, and I alternately feel sorry for her and want to smack her upside the head. She’s mouthy and nasty and whiny and I get that her back hurts, but she’s obnoxious. If she can’t do it, she should say “Hey, I can’t do this,” and find another way to spend her time. But continuing to invest time and money so that she can spend a lot of time mouthing off to her coaches about how they just don’t understaaaaaand confuses me. She’s the only one of the four where you hardly ever see her parents, and I suspect they’re hiding somewhere, destitute and completely embarrassed.

I’m telling you, it’s a huge relief when Ice Diaries is over and I can flip over to Iron Chef on the Food Network.


  1. parodie

    As a former figure skater, who had very little interest in competition and who did it as a hobby, I can say that skating is fun, like any skilled activity. I learnt to dance, and to love dancing, and gained some skills in terms of moving (somewhat) gracefully. Most skaters don’t really think about doing it competitively, and don’t really care to. And there are adults who learn to figure skate too.

    But here I am trying to ruin your fun. ;-) I am sure those girls are crazy, and (from previous experience) it’s likely those girls’ parents are too. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is all I’m sayin’…

  2. amanda

    so the fourth girl, the whiney one, her parents don’t live in colorado at all. her dad was a major league baseball player for a long time so they arent destitute at all…BUT he did talk about how they pay everything for her and it’s a huge expense but it’s SOOO worth it because she’s getting to do what she loves. he said her bills don’t even go through her, they come straight to their house so she doesnt ever have to worry about it. i mean who would want a little trivial thing like bills to get in the way of all of her hard hard work and all, right? i agree…she’s ANNOYING.

    not that i watch it or anything.

  3. DebR

    “Like most hip and happening people my age, I like to cut loose after a long week by eating kettle corn in bed while watching TLC. On Friday night. In my jammies. What? That’s not what you do? You do so. Admit it.”

    For me it’s on a corner of the couch instead of in bed because I don’t have a tv in my bedroom. (I know, I’m a freak.)

    And I turn it off after WNTW because I can’t handle that ice skating show. I’m mad at TLC for switching Miami Ink to another time.

    But other than that, yep…I’ll admit it! :-)

  4. shannon

    I totally want to be like Kat (from Miami Ink). SHE speaks to my inner rebel (although, she’s getting out…second session of three/four on my big tattoo is happening on Monday!!!)

    Started watching Diaries after WNTW but just couldn’t. I agree, much better arrangement when it was WNTW and MI!!!

    Now, back to reading the rest of this entry (what, you spoke of MI, what’s a girl to do?!?! Respond IMMEDIATELY!)

  5. Lisa

    I have to admit, I don’t do TLC…I’m a food network junkie. I’m sure they found the most annoying people possible, I found that they did when I was watching Dog Show Moms and Dads. As a Dog Show person, I can verify that there are some freaks, most of us are normal.

    That said, I agree with the whole take on gymnastics and ice skating. We would never be able to afford skating. And gymnastics…don’t get me started! Though, we spend tons of time at the dance studio,and costumes for recital are beginning to get expensive!

  6. Kdubs

    OHHHH love your blog. And oh yes my dear, especially during this running after my preschooler prego season, hubby and I are cozy on the couch :) …. clubs? What are those? lOL?

  7. Shalebug

    Discovered your blog a bit ago and always find your posts a much needed diversion. You are too funny! Thanks for that! Wish I could comment on the skating, but we’re rural and don’t carry satellite! (Shock and Horror!) Try living the high life with 3 channels to choose from while eating popcorn on the couch on a Fri nite! I am soooo coool!!

  8. blueprincesa

    I totally stay home on weekends too.

  9. Jen

    $1300 … wow… My 5-yr-old is in dance (I thought, dance class, how cute) and they do a single recital per year which costs $120 to participate in. I think there is an additional charge for some other part, but I short-circuited when I read the $120. Her teacher asked me if I had somehow overlooked this, and whether my daughter actually plans to participate in this (optional) recital. Um, no. No oversight here.

  10. Kristen

    I looooooooove WNTW… especially now that they seem to be getting a little meaner. Nick used to oblige the “I’mattachedtomyhairthatIhaven’tcutin12years” girls – now he’s like – SORRY, IT’S COMING OFF LOL.

    I don’t mind Ice Diaries – except we already know who is going… so it’s kind of old news. $1300 skates? Guess my daughter will have to find a cheap hobby. We have time, she’s only 18 months. :(

  11. Cyndi

    Who needs kids to get shellshocked over the price of hobbies?

    My husband decided, at age 45, to go to Law School. He wasn’t flipping burgers or anything…he has a nice paying career in the Tech field. He just thought he’d like it. Now, we are totally immersed in the insanity that is studying for the California Bar Exam. Still, I can totally relate.

    I was looking for a class to lose weight/learn something new/be more active. TaeKwonDo? $150 sign up, plus a monthly fee…that’s with a “free” uniform. Women’s soccer leage? $250 sign up and be prepared to waiver your life away, cuz you will have a concussion at some point. OK, then. Nevermind.

    Popcorn, in bed…laptop, in lap…chatting on YM, playing with play money on and watching World Series of Poker on TV. That’s my weekend fun. LOL I am a barrel o’monkeys [pardon the pun], I am.

  12. Amy-GO

    I LOVE WNTW and MI! We really need to live closer to each other. Then we could add a pitcher of margaritas to the friday night scenario! ;)

  13. laura

    I’m watching Flip a House right now, and I LOVE Miami Ink. Hmmmm all I need is some Kettle Corn.

  14. udge

    I appear to be the only person left who doesn’t eat in bed. The CRUMBS, people, how do you deal withh the crumbs? (Or is this a “princess and the pea” thing and I’m just being whiny?)

  15. Cathy

    One of my childhood friends took figure skating lessons. She wasn’t as insane as the Ice Diary girls, but I still don’t understand how she had time to study and get her homework done between all the lessons. Its nice for people to be able to pursue their dreams, but when parents do it at the expense of their child’s education… wow. It isn’t like ice-skating is likely to support them in the first place, let alone for the rest of their lives.

    Some things I will never understand.

  16. Cele

    too, funny – it just goes to show like minds….birds of a feather… and any other clich`.

    Fortunately my Friday night’s are booked with a writing workshop (we’ll now don’t she sound all hoity toity?)

    I don’t eat in bed, because my husband is usually sleeping there…and that princess and the pea thing.

    I was blessed with a daughter who was in to singing and alto sax – nothing sports related after that T-ball incident…beyond watching baseball and her drueling over Javy Lopez…till she found out he was married…so now she just druels over Ryan Klesko (15 years later.)

    My grandson on the other hand is into everything and at age four is ready for karate classes of some sort – but maybe we will do the TKD, Mir recommends it highly.

    So now you have to pay to have your child be in the optional dance class? That sucks majorily.

  17. Fubsy

    I totally watch tv at home on the weekend in my pj’s and I am not afraid to admit it! I’ve watched that show before and I must agree with you…Miami Ink is the way to go.

  18. Chewie

    Well, that whiney one…I think that she has been SO immersed in skating that she doesn’t have a CLUE what to go to next…I mean…she knows that she needs to quit, but WHAT TO DO NOW?

    And..if you only were hooked on Ultimate Fighting on Monday nights at 9 on Spike…THAT is my TRUE love…I think it is also on on Sat nights if you need this to be a weekend only situation HA.

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