So here I am, navigating my day fairly well, I think. We made it through the night without further barfage. Monkey felt better today and wanted to go to school for his BIG! HOLIDAY! PIZZA! PARTY! so I got Chickadee settled on the couch with her trusty bucket and ran around getting teachers' gifts ready (which I'd started last night, but was eventually abandoned in favor of vomit patrol) and readying him for school. I warmed up the car, packed up our things, and got Chickadee to put on some sweats under her nightgown, and then boots and a jacket on top. We got Monkey to school, whereupon I...
Brought to you this evening by my stellar, cheerful mood, and also the little bit of questionable alcohol I found in the way back of my fridge. And we all know that these are the classic ingredients for true wisdom (even if I did type that as "widsom" the first four times). Also by my deep abiding love of alliteration which is so very magnified in my tipsy state. Yay! Dear adult humans unfortunate enough to possess a Y chromosome and not be married, Stay the hell away from me. I do not understand you, and apparently I either scare you or piss you off. Either way, clearly we are not meant for...
In an uncertain world, in uncertain times, sometimes even the lowliest mortals are treated to a glimpse of divinity. Tonight I saw the face of God. And it was good.
Huh. Nearly noon, and I am still unemployed. I know, I know... I'm shocked, too. Well. Maybe I'll give them a little more time. In other news--beware the Apocalypse! Because it's upon us, I tell you! How many signs of the Apocalypse are there supposed to be, anyway? I forget. But! I do know that ONE OF THOSE SIGNS has just come to pass, so, being the friendly people-person that I am, I just wanted to pass the information along. Oh. You want to know which sign? Okay. But before I tell you, I have to tell you that I have the most wonderful friends in the whole entire world. This is a Very Good...
It is a crisp winter's day. Christmas is in the air! You approach your mailbox and open it, dreading the inevitable slew of bills and junk mail. But wait! What's this? An envelope addressed in actual handwriting, with a return address from Casa Mir. Whatever could it be? The other mail forgotten, you rip open the envelope and find yourself face-to-face with the most adorable holiday card EVER. A cheerful background of stripes and snowflakes offsets the photo of Monkey and Chickadee sitting on the front step in matching reindeer pullovers, grinning to beat the band. They are cuddled together...
I am all about helping the masses. Truly. My knowledge is your knowledge. Moreover, my laundry is your laundry. Always remember to separate the darks from the lights, and don't put my bras in the dryer, please. Anyway. Know how there are never an even number of socks? The dryer eats them, or the gremlins steal them, or whatever? I have inadvertently ascertained how to avoid this problem. So I will share the solution with you, because no one likes to have extra socks laying around. And the answer is so simple, really. Follow my easy steps and never have lonely, mismatched socks again. 1) Wait...
... kinda been a bitch to someone figuring it will make them go away, and it backfires and sort of endears you to them and then you start rethinking the whole "make them go away" thing because what's not to like about someone who likes you even when you're being a pain in the ass? No? Oh. Me neither. Look! Over there! Something shiny!
This morning I happened upon Unexpected Disaster Mess #37 and blew my cool. I mean I lost it but good; the kind of scene where the children freeze, watch me with rapt attention, and then scurry away as quickly as possible before I decide to eat them. A plant had been upturned. All over a nearby stack of... well... stuff. Clothes, papers, a bunch of stuff I've been meaning to put away. Anyway, as per usual, no one had done it, of course. I launched into my "everyone makes mistakes but I can't help fix it unless someone comes and TELLS me" speech, and both kids insisted that it wasn't them....
How do you know when you have a keeper of a babysitter? Take this simple test to find out! You should keep your babysitter if: A) The kids love her B) She's reliable C) She lives across the street D) She's bright enough to call you "just to let you know" that a house a few doors down is on fire, there are multiple fire trucks and ambulances on the scene, and please do not freak out, they are all fine in your house, which by the way is not on fire, and also the kids are sleeping through the whole thing E) All of the above If you answered E, you're correct! You are also me! (So stop it,...
