By Mir
January 9, 2005

I should be at church right now, at pre-service choir rehearsal. Obviously, I am not. After going to bed at 10:00 last night and sleeping until 8:00 this morning, I woke up experiencing The Return Of Mysterious Fever And Also Feeling Like Ass. I stumbled downstairs and croaked to the children that we needed to get ready for church… then noted that my voice was shot and said nevermind, we’re staying home. (Someday we can delve into why I feel more of a commitment to show up and sing than I do to just show up and worship, but not today.)

Should I be worried about the little impromptu victory dance the children did while chanting, “We’re not going to chuuu-uurch! We’re staying hoooo-oome!”?

Anyway, yesterday before the party I had quite a lot of crack, as you might imagine. I was up early cleaning and cake decorating and freaking out and shovelling snow and obsessing and you know, anyone would need some good street drugs to get them through that in one piece. Then during the party I had approximately twelve cups of coffee and also some cake and ice cream and so towards the end while my children and the two remaining guests were all racing up and down the stairs poking out each others’ eyes with the deadly chinese yo-yos I’d placed in the goodie bags, I was lounging in the family room with two other moms, and when one of them gazed outside at the little blizzard we were having and said, “We should all go sledding tomorrow,” I said,


And, you know, with all that crack and caffeine and sugar in my system, and small children wounding one another and also destroying my house, letting them all loose in the snow really did sound like a fabulous idea.

This morning, with half a voice and a fever and the overwhelming desire to hibernate, that same idea is not quite so appealing. Well, the part where the children get to burn off energy in the snow still sounds pretty good. But the part where I have to go with them? Not so much.

Of course, I’d forgotten all about it. Then this happened.

Phone: *RING RING*
Me: Hey.
Her: Hey, why aren’t you at church? I was gonna leave you a message.
Me: I’m sick again.
Her: Oh no! I guess you don’t want to go sledding, then.
Me: No, I don’t really feel like sledding.
Me: Uh oh.
Her: HA I think you shouldn’t have said that out loud. How sick are you? You sound like crap.
Me: Eh. I have a low fever. I took some advil. How long do you think they’ll last out there? More than an hour?
Her: Seems unlikely. Probably an hour.
Me: I think we’re going sledding.
Children: Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Her: You sure? I can take them and you can stay home.
Me: Nah, that’s too much, for you to take them both. I can do an hour, I think.
Her: Okay, I’ll call [Other Mom] and tell her to meet us there after lunch.
Me: Okay.

I am not very bright.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find some more crack.


  1. kym

    If I say “have fun” will you hurt me?

  2. RockStar Mommy

    Oh, you poor thing.
    I hope for your sake that you’re not out there too long!

  3. Lisa

    If your Sunday morning, getting-ready-for-church chaos levels are anything like the ones in our house, taking an occasional week off and just staying home can be a far more worshipful experience than going.

  4. ben

    I love feeling ass! Especially on a Sunday morning (makes it extra special).

    Oh, wait, you said “like.” Sorry bout that. And sledding? Never done it, but it seems like the first five or ten minutes ought to be fun, unless you are sick.

  5. udge

    Very funny unfortunate story, hope you are soon feeling better, and that the thumb doesn’t fall off. Happy new year!

  6. udge

    Just in the interests of clarity, that “funny” should have been crossed out. The preview accepts the “strike” attribute, but the comments page doesn’t. Another one for Miss Zoot?

  7. el_edgar

    No, you shouldn’t worry about your children’s untempered token of joy for not going to church.

    If some sunday morning you wake up with a crack hangup and find your kids all dressed up standing by your bed and begging you to clean the foam off your lips and drive them to church, THEN it’s red code.

  8. Amy

    When someone says “I can take them so you can rest” the answer is ALWAYS “YES!! and THANKS!!” Even if you don’t have a fever and aren’t recovering from Birthday induced madness. Sheesh, woman! Learn to accept help!! And by the way, on a far kinder note, feel better soon!

  9. Heather

    You totally need to learn that whole accepting help thing. When another mom offers to take your kids away for an hour? You say yes! And quickly before she changes her mind!

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