Huh. Nearly noon, and I am still unemployed. I know, I know… I’m shocked, too. Well. Maybe I’ll give them a little more time.
In other news–beware the Apocalypse! Because it’s upon us, I tell you! How many signs of the Apocalypse are there supposed to be, anyway? I forget. But! I do know that ONE OF THOSE SIGNS has just come to pass, so, being the friendly people-person that I am, I just wanted to pass the information along.
Oh. You want to know which sign? Okay.
But before I tell you, I have to tell you that I have the most wonderful friends in the whole entire world. This is a Very Good Thing, even in times of impending doom. Maybe especially in those times. A friend who really knows and understands you is invaluable. And I have more than one such friend, so I am quite blessed.
Anyway. One of those fabulous friends called me up today, and told me she needed to tell me something. But that I needed to sit down first.
“Okaaaay…?” I hedged, running through the possibilities in my mind. She was moving away? She’d heard some awful about me, or my children? A world-wide chocolate shortage?? The suspense was killing me.
“I’m serious,” she said. “Are you sitting down, really?”
“Yes!” I was. Thank goodness.
“Okay,” she said. “Don’t freak out, please. Okay? Promise?”
“YES!” I said. Okay, on that one I lied. Just try to make me promise not to freak out. I mean, good intentions are nice and all, but COME ON.
And then came one of the harbingers of the end of humanity as we know it: My phone number had been requested. By a MAN. A man whom I’ve MET and spent some time with, who’s SEEN me and TALKED to me and STILL for some reason wants to talk to me SOME MORE. A man who is SINGLE and MY AGE and DECIDEDLY CUTE. A man who was INTERESTING and knows I have CHILDREN.
Obviously he is on CRACK.
It was a good thing I was sitting down.
Some more conversation came, after that, but it’s all kind of cloudy. I was busy envisioning the 1,001 possible embarrassing and/or tragic endings to this scenario. I think I’ve got them all covered, now. Phew.
But still… the friend who threw the party where I met the man? Who knows me well enough to know my reaction before it happens? Who furthermore knows me well enough to exclaim, “It’s okay! You don’t have to be excited! I’ll be excited for you!”? She’s getting chocolate.