Handy household tip

By Mir
November 18, 2004

I am all about helping the masses. Truly. My knowledge is your knowledge. Moreover, my laundry is your laundry. Always remember to separate the darks from the lights, and don’t put my bras in the dryer, please.


Know how there are never an even number of socks? The dryer eats them, or the gremlins steal them, or whatever? I have inadvertently ascertained how to avoid this problem. So I will share the solution with you, because no one likes to have extra socks laying around. And the answer is so simple, really.

Follow my easy steps and never have lonely, mismatched socks again.

1) Wait to do laundry until the last possible minute (like when the children are wearing their last clean underpants).

2) Get yourself assigned a duet with someone who has a much nicer voice than you do.

3) Forget all about practicing until a week later, the day of the next choir rehearsal.

4) Hyperventilate.

5) Stop hyperventilating.

6) Dump clean laundry on the bed.

7) Put rehearsal cassette on the stereo and turn it waaaayyyyy up.

8) Make a space in the mound of laundry to prop up your sheet music. (Putting character underpants on your head to keep the hair out of your eyes is optional.)

9) Rehearse while pairing socks.

10) Discover that belting out “Glory To God In The Highest” while pairing socks means that it will all come out even.

11) Note that that F? Is actually an F sharp. And it’s not so hard. No wonder the socks were practically trembling in awe.

There you have it, folks. Better laundry management through musical worship. You heard it here first. God loves a cheerful sock pairer.


  1. alektra

    What’s cooler than cool? Mir. That’s right.

    Can you make an audioblog mp3 of your performance so we can hear it?

  2. Oliquig

    What song are you singing? Because I’m a nosy music nerd, and would like to know.

  3. RockStar Mommy

    You shoulda been singing and folding the socks in the bathroom. No other room in the house makes your voice sound better.

  4. Mindie

    *Laughs* Your hilarious! I don’t think I am brave enough to do something like that. Maybe I can try? Who cares if people think I look stupid, right? *Shakes* Anyway, I am from BE. Stopping by. I am definitely adding your link.

  5. Jules

    Hmmmm…wonder if you turn on some Michael Bolton they’ll pair up without any assistance? :D

    Any ideas on how to get the laundry to fold itself? I’m good on the washing and drying part, thanks. :)

  6. Ben

    If I were to sing the socks would run and hide. Nothing would get matched up.

    Maybe if I tried the character underpants on the head? That might help?

  7. Gina

    Hm, I wonder if I can make socks shatter like glass if I sing Glory to God in the Highest.

    “llllaaaaaaaaaa” *CRASH..tinkle… tinkle…tink*

  8. Bad Penguin

    Will it work if you’re not a very good singer? Because I am frequently off key. Also, if I don’t know the words I just make them up. Some people don’t like that.

  9. Kym

    You are going to post a mp3 of your duet aren’t you? Aren’t you?!!!

    BTW… yes I will update the link to you on my website. I am just lazy. Since Im considering upgrading to Expression Engine… It just might not happen till I do that and do the redesign.

  10. Philip

    Where’s that .wav file? C’mon pleeeeease!

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