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It has come to this

We are stuck at home, but are warm and fed and unscathed. This doesn’t make for scintillating blogging material, I’m afraid. (Dear World, Today I made banana bread while it snowed. Then the kids ate it. TRULY I AM A PIONEER. Love, Mir.)

Remember when I told you that Duncan plays for the Bats? He generally prefers to chew on Licorice, but when she tires of that, he does work on his football moves. Behold:

Snow Day: Dogs Gone Wild! from woulda on Vimeo.

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Hut hut hike! Oh boy!

The big, exciting news from here this week is that Duncan is finally the picture of health. His skin is pink and unblemished, his hair is growing back in where it had been lost, his face is free of irritation, his legs are working well… even his nails are neatly trimmed! Basically Duncan is the poster child for puppy rehabilitation (just so long as you don’t mind your perfect puppy looking like someone smashed him in the face with a frying pan, that is). I remain deeply aggravated by all the things that were wrong with him (and how uncomfortable he must’ve been, poor pumpkin) when he came to us, because I have very few skills, but holding a grudge is one of them.

Never before has a dog looked so perfect. I mean, he even strikes a pose for the camera:

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Merry Christmas! (P.S. Not dead.)

Oh, look. I haven’t been here for a week. No explanation or anything, just *poof*—GONE. If it’s any consolation, that week took about three years, in my mind. What? That doesn’t help? Well, now I’m just going to make it worse by saying, “We are all fine (now) but due to the nature of this particular suckitude, I am not at liberty to discuss it at this time.” And now I want to punch myself in the face, so we’re all on the same page, I think.

[I know. I KNOW. Here, let me give you details as best I can: Something Really Scary And Sucky happened, and while we were trying to deal with that, Something Completely Unrelated But Equally Sucky happened. The first thing was no one's fault but the second one was 100% preventable with my general life mantra of "don't be an asshole" (which turns out to be really hard for some people). One situation is now cautiously resolved but the other may end up in a lawsuit and have I ever mentioned that I hate everything? Because sweet baby Jesus, I really kind of hate everything. And THEN my work computer died, because the only thing that week was missing was a giant, expensive inconvenience. Not that I was getting any work done last week, anyway, of course, but there you go.]

And how was YOUR week?

The good (?) news is that the dogs have definitely picked up on the recent stress and have decided to put aside their differences in the interests of a nightly snuggle:

If I’d managed Christmas cards this year, I would’ve used that picture. Peace on earth! Or at least peace on our couch. Those two little hairy beasties are helping to keep me sane, which we all know is no small task.

Here’s to a better week all around.

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The State of the Duncan Address

We’ve crested the three-week mark with Duncan, so I thought you might like to know how he’s doing.

I’m kidding, of course. I don’t care if you care how he’s doing. He’s my SMUSHY LITTLE BABYKINS SWEETIEBOY and one of the only one of my children whose problems I can actually solve (the other one with solvable problems is, of course, Licorice), so I’m going to tell you about him whether you care or not. I’m selfish like that.

But seriously…


… if this face doesn’t make you start talking in a high-pitched baby voice, I just don’t know what to tell you. (more…)

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After this I’ll stop (maybe) (probably not)

The Great Doggie Integration Experiment of 2013 continues apace. Licorice continues to endure, while Duncan continues to try to figure out what in the world is happening. It turns out that his former owners weren’t kidding when they said he was “very food motivated,” so with liberal application of treats, we’re making good progress with him.

A fairly typical tableau.

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We’ve completely gone to the dogs

I know, I know. I was all LOOKA MY NEW SMUSHY PUPPY and then I disappeared. Almost like I had a life, or something. Except no, I totally don’t, I just have this here newish dog who is a complete mess. Needless to say, this both confirmed my belief that he’s totally part of our family AND has kind of been keeping me busy.

Anyway, we had to go see the vet.

“I am the saddest sad who ever sadded. WHYYYY MEEEEE??”

The good news is that the vet was all “I have an open appointment right after you pick up your kid! Come on in!” The bad news is that THEN two dogs who ate rat poison came in, so we had to wait for an hour. Neither Duncan nor Monkey were pleased. (Monkey busied himself with taking pictures, then playing every game on my phone, and later he was allowed to visit an owl they had in the back who escaped his enclosure and drank the vet’s coffee. So I think maybe I’ve been forgiven because OWL DRINKING COFFEE.) (more…)

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The course of true puppy love…

… never did run smooth, right?

Our first night with Duncan was a little rough. Today is better, and tomorrow will be better still. We’ll get there. In the meantime, it’s possible that my latest at Alpha Mom will cure you of wanting a second dog, just in case you’d been thinking that was a good idea.

On the other hand…

… Duncan just figured out how to use the doggie door out on the porch, and he was pretty proud of himself. So there’s that.

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Let’s make life more complicated!

So, uh, remember how I was all, “What we really need while everything is going wrong and ending up more expensive than we planned is another dog?” That was dumb, right? I mean, who DOES that?

Even Licorice knew it was stupid, and she’s cute, but not exactly a MENSA candidate or anything.

“You want a what, now? NO.”

Dumbest idea I ever had. Yep. (more…)

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The root of all evil… and puppies

I think we all know I’ve been a little out of sorts for a bit. (“O RILLY?” you say, because you are mostly nice and only a little wanting to poke fun at my uncharacteristic use of understatement.) Various… things… and medications… have left me feeling… well, let’s say… unfulfilled.

["Hey Mom," said a child of mine, a few days ago, "I've been reading your blog and apparently you hate everyone and everything. How's that going?" Testament to my priorities: I just felt self-satisfied that this information was obtained from my blog when said child LIVES WITH ME. I must be doing a FANTASTIC job of pretending NOT to hate everyone! (Also I did not smack my beautiful child, even though the fruit of my loins was making fun of me when I am busy having MANY MANY FEELS. I feel that I deserve... maybe not a medal, but perhaps a merit badge of some sort? Someone should really invent an entire line of "surviving teens" badges. I smell a new Etsy shop!]

There are two distinct money-related phenomena that occur when I’m trying to cope with feeling like this, and although they are in some ways total opposites, I’m living proof that they can exist at the same time and feel like they make total sense. I’m just super talented that way. (more…)

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Things which are ridiculous

My toenails; more specifically, my inability to paint them properly.
I believe in painted toenails. I don’t know why, because I almost never paint my fingernails and rarely wear makeup. I’m not exactly a get-dolled-up-regularly type, is my point. And yet, to me, summer = painted toenails. And given that I am far too cheap/lazy to get professional pedicures—hey, I have polish and passable eye/hand coordination—I do my own feet here at home. I am never either drunk or blind before I set out to prettify my feet, AND YET! What the heck is my problem? I manage to BOTH slop polish all over my toes AND miss entire sections of nails altogether.

I have been painting my nails for something like 30 years. You’d think I would’ve figured it out by now…? And when I paint someone ELSE’s nails—like on the rare occasions when Chickadee will allow me to do hers—I’m fine. This leads me to believe it’s some sort of angle issue, but I’m pretty bendy and not tall, really, so it’s not like my feet are all that far away.

[Somewhat-related digressions: Anyone else keep buying pretty colors in different brands because they're cheap and then getting annoyed when they chip? OPI + MIR = BFF 4EVAH. I am currently sporting Lincoln Park After Dark both to pretend Fall has actually arrived and because the stuff I had on before this was a different brand and was all chipped up by the time I took it off. Also---random recommendation ahoy---am I the last person on earth to learn about Gooey? I appreciate how it keeps the (good) polish on my nails even while I'm scraping it off the surrounding skin.] (more…)

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