Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Phil departed the premises last night. It was time. (It was long PAST time, but I’m working pretty hard on this whole “saying yes” thing.) No tears were shed. Any residual sadness has been smoothed over with frozen dairy confection, and our house is once again a blessedly bug-free zone.

By way of partial explanation as to why I ever allowed that in the first place, I offer you a summer manifesto for the big kids, over at Alphamom. ‘Tis the season to say yes, to build skills, and to chill out. All at once! I THINK THAT WOULD BE EASIER WITH A FUNCTIONAL POOL, but regardless, we’re working on it. (Hope springs eternal. The pool guy supposedly found the leak, so CROSS YOUR FINGERS.)

… that that STOOPID parenting CD I had to listen to may have actually had a couple of good ideas.

New post over at Alphamom, about getting teens to cooperate. (Now that I’ve written it, of course, everything is going to blow up in my face. That’s how it works!)

I listened to a parenting seminar on CD this morning. My daughter’s therapist gave it to me, and the looong preface that came with this particular loan rivaled even my wordiest attempts to clarify my experience. It was not a criticism, she said. She just really likes this particular guy and his theories and she thinks I might find some of what he has to say helpful. Maybe not. But worth a shot, yes? And she is worried that my current model of being is “not sustainable.”

That part made me laugh, actually. As if I am not aware that my current model of being is not sustainable. People who are drowning don’t think that they’re swimming and suddenly the whole dying thing is a surprise.

Among other things, ample time was given in this presentation to that whole “put on your own oxygen mask” metaphor, and lord knows I have tried to get with this program in the past, but mostly it makes me want to punch people, because when you’re at the point where people make worried eyebrows and start talking about oxygen masks, there are no cheerful yellow masks falling from the ceiling to save you. (more…)

I sent you daily affirmations for a while, while you were too far away and dealing with too much, and it was the best way I knew to keep beating out “I love you, I love you” on my heart drum so that you could hear it. You complained, once home again, that I’d stopped doing it. I guess the daily stuff fades into the background, not quite as loud, easy to ignore and easier still to forget where it comes from and what it means.

Part of me is grateful for the forgetting. Last year on your birthday all I wanted was for us to forget, all of us. Especially you, my delicate, emotional sponge. You soaked up everything, got wrung out, soaked up more, and you frayed at the edges a little more each time. As hard as it is to watch, I know it’s harder to live.

Today’s affirmation (1): On your 15th birthday, you are still here, and you are stronger than you knew. (more…)