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Love is enough

by Mir on July 29, 2010 in Growing, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

As Otto and I lay in bed last night, I poured out my frustration while he held my hand and listened. Because I have a nice life. Actually, no; I have a pretty wonderful life. And yet I struggle, daily, against my will and my common sense, with the ability to just be happy.

I still believe that—as I said once before—there is a certain arrogance in being unhappy when leading a good and blessed and lucky life. And to be clear, I’m not UNhappy. But I am not as happy as I could and should be, much of the time. Somewhere on my permanent medical chart I am officially diagnosed as being dysthymic, which I suppose gives me license to abdicate responsibility because hey, man, my brain chemistry is wonky, so, you know, not my fault.

But. I want more. More from myself, more from my life, more of my best self for my loved ones. What I have, already, is more than enough; what I need is to take that enough and appreciate it more. (more…)

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Comments { 14 }

Just don’t say maverick

by Mir on July 27, 2010 in Health is overrated, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Well, I was really hoping to give you some sort of definitive THIS IS THE ANSWER sort of update after our latest appointment in regards to Chickadee’s skin, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t happen that way. I mean, we’ve been trying to figure out this rash for three years now; what’s the big hurry?

The good news is that we started out there seeing the doctor who was taking new patients, rather than the one it had been recommended we see. And after two appointments, we ended up seeing the recommended doctor because our regular doctor was unavailable. And apparently the fourth time’s the charm, because yesterday we saw the department head, Headguy. (For those keeping score at home, that means we’ve now seen every doctor they have.)

“When you come to me it’s because we’re tried the standard stuff and everyone else is stumped,” he said. I’d love to paint him as a brash egomaniac, because that would probably make a more interesting story, but really, he seemed pretty down-to-earth. At first, anyway. (more…)

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Comments { 44 }

Love knows the routine

by Mir on July 15, 2010 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

We are more than halfway through the Summer of Pitching In, and have met with varying levels of success on that particular front. Someone—and I am not naming any names, but it is someone who lives here—has not been so much a fan of the whole “helping out” concept. That particular someone has participated very grudgingly, and appears to expect a ticker-tape parade in celebration of every semi-useful activity said person deigns to commit. (Said person has been extremely disappointed by our reaction to said “helpfulness.”)

And then there is Monkey. Monkey is the kind of kid who would happily give you the shirt off his back. (Heck, he’d give you his pants, too, if you weren’t there covering your eyes and yelling “DUDE! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!”) The Summer of Pitching In is just his speed, because he has little difficulty discerning how to help, and helping is His Thing. He loves nothing more than to make life easier for those around him when he can, possibly because he is all too aware of ways in which he (unintentionally) sometimes makes things harder.

If I asked Monkey to scrub the floor with a toothbrush, I’m pretty sure he’d only pause long enough to ask 1) what kind of soap to use and 2) if it was okay to use his sister’s toothbrush before getting to work. (more…)

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Comments { 24 }

Lush on the town

by Mir on July 14, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

We try very hard to do a few special things with each kid when we have just one of them, so last night we took Monkey out for dinner to his favorite restaurant. What he likes best about it is that the nachos are not so much tortilla chips covered in cheese as they are a plate of cheese with a tortilla garnish.

What Otto and I like best about it is that the margaritas are very cheap. So.

Somehow we got sucked into one of those circuitous conversations where Literal Boy’s brain has a small short-circuit; I had said something about pants that accentuated my hips (no, I don’t know why were taking about this), and Monkey said he wasn’t sure what accentuated meant, so Otto—ever the teacher—asked him what word he could find in “accentuate,” so Monkey thought about it and proudly exclaimed “ACCENT!”

“That’s right,” said Otto. “So from that, can you figure it out?” (more…)

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Comments { 21 }

Operator! Gimme a nickel!

by Mir on July 13, 2010 in Health is overrated, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I appreciate all of the commiseration on yesterday’s post. Misery truly does love company, and slogging through the tween/teen trenches is made a bit easier by knowing that many of you are dealing with similar issues. (Though I must say that my dad’s comment on my behavior at that age was a nice touch. Ahem.)

Thusly bolstered, I was ready to get back to Doing For Her Highness; specifically, I was ready to play another round of Medical Telephone on her behalf.

When we last left off in the rash saga, the New Specialist was leaning heavily towards a nickel allergy, even though Chickadee has already tested negative. New Specialist insisted we could order a nickel test kit for at-home use, for only $15, and we would soon have our answer. “Just put the patch on her and wait three days and tell us what happens!” She even gave us the phone number and item number of said kit. That sounded odd to me, but whatever. We told her we’d order the kit. (more…)

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Comments { 29 }

Love languages, somewhat lost in translation

by Mir on July 12, 2010 in Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I meant to do another (final) installment of Otto Week, over the weekend, but I turned out to be too busy with my favorite boy-type people to get around to it. See, on Saturday Monkey came back, and on Sunday, Otto returned. Of course, Chickadee left on Saturday, so I still don’t have the entire family here, but that’s okay for right now.

Digression, except not really, because this is probably going to be kind of long: Are all 12-year-old girls sociopaths, or just mine? I’m asking for real. Because she’s positively charming and I cannot get enough of her and everything is super awesome right up until her head starts spinning around. So we had this really fun week right up until the couple of days before she left, whereupon she promptly morphed into Princess Gimme of Ungratefulville (population: JUST ONE, BITCHES), and I began counting down the minutes until her departure.

And the last time I wrote about this (though I can’t find it now, because I am lazy) I got a few SUPER HELPFUL comments about how my daughter only behaves disrespectfully because I let her, so needless to say, as I am still lacking in both powers of omnipotence and telekinesis, I guess I’m still “allowing” said poor behavior and should be mocked accordingly. Ahem. (more…)

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Comments { 63 }

Love isn’t always what you pictured

by Mir on July 8, 2010 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

You may have noticed a lack of Monkey stories this week. That’s because he’s away with his dad, and we are trying to muddle along in the space he leaves behind when he’s gone. Specifically, that space denotes a marked lack of: dimples, jokes that make no sense whatsoever, and hugs that squish the air right out of me. (I miss two out of three of those things a LOT.)

While my kids are always on my mind, here or not, Monkey’s been on my mind even moreso than usual. I share bits and piece of the immediate, here, but thanks to the kindness and encouragement of fellow mom-in-the-spectrum-trenches Shannon Des Roches Rosa, I finally sat down and wrote about our diagnosis journey, the way that only hindsight can tie it together. I struggled with it; sometimes I don’t know if I can explain how “wishing it was different” and “loving him exactly how he is” can intertwine and coexist, even as they seem to contradict one another. They don’t.

This Love Thursday, I tip my metaphorical cap twice: first, to those insightful rockers who noted that you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need; and second, to the beautiful and perfect young man who has taught me more about grace in the last ten years than I’d learned in the previous nearly-30 years.

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Comments { 27 }

We’re gonna have a party, yeah

by Mir on July 4, 2010 in Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I took Chickadee grocery shopping yesterday, and she begged—begged!—for a watermelon. I enjoy watching her beg; I didn’t tell her I’d been planning to buy one, anyway.

We came home and unloaded everything, and the next time I walked into the kitchen, I saw this:

Apparently Mr. Watermelon Head is ready to give his life in pursuit of liberty and the American Way. Or so I’m told.

Have a safe and happy 4th of July, everyone!

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Comments { 3 }

And speaking of protective bubbles

by Mir on June 30, 2010 in Job? Huh?, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

Yesterday I took Monkey to the post office with me to mail some packages. We frequent four different post offices, depending on where the errands of the day happen to take us, but yesterday we hit the one we go to most often, and the clerk recognized us. She chatted up Monkey (“How old are you now? What grade are you in?”) while I piled items on the counter.

She began going through the stack and stopped to look at the return address on one of the packages. “Now, what’s Want Not?” she asked, peering at my handwriting with a furrowed brow.

“It’s a bargain shopping website I run,” I responded, automatically, while digging for my wallet.

She nodded, but before she could respond, Monkey bounced into action. (more…)

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Comments { 26 }

Today on “As the Rash Spreads”

by Mir on June 29, 2010 in Health is overrated, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

It’s nearly July, in the third summer of my daughter’s Mystery Rash Saga, and we are still stumped. When we last left off, the doctors suspected sun allergy, but then in a follow-up phone call amended that to “maybe it’s just a sensitivity to chemical sunscreens.” We were instructed to ditch our old sunblock and buy only the kind that uses a physical barrier rather than a chemical one, and told that within a month we should see an improvement if one was going to happen. We dutifully replaced all of our cheap sunblock and crossed our fingers.

As soon as Chickadee finished the last round of Prednisone, the rash came back. Again. So I called our crack team of specialists, again, to say “Oh hi, my kid has been on Prednisone three times this summer already and not only have the effects on her personality been TOTALLY AWESOME, she’s actually still covered in a scaly rash, so hey, how about we try something else?”

So it was back to Atlanta today for another shot at deciphering the Mystery Of Itchy Girl. (more…)

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Comments { 38 }
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