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I think it’s the red socks

So, I thought I’d post about something really intellectual to offset that last post. You know, both to reestablish myself as the sort of person who concentrates on the important things in life… and to alleviate the incredibly squicked-out heebie-jeebies I apparently get from being sent anonymous porn in the mail.

But, uh, I worked 15 hours yesterday; and now the season premiere of Desperate Housewives is on. I’ve got nothin’. And I can’t admit how excited I am about DW being back without looking even more pathetic than usual.

Plus, that guy who dances around in that Diet Coke commercial to “I like the way you move” is a gigantic dork. I mean, really, a HUGE NERD. That commercial is just painful and embarrassing.

I may have just a very small crush on him.

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Sometimes the grass is browner

I’m so overwhelmed by nothing and everything, right now, that I’m not sure I could write anything coherent even if I wanted to.

Actually, I don’t really want to. And that’s either one of the signs of the apocalypse or that I am in serious need of some Good Drugs. Maybe both.

Anyway.

I’ve just discovered Hell’s Kitchen on Fox, and it’s the first thing in three days that has distracted me from the very busy work of completely losing my mind. This show needs to be on all the time, I think. I mean, I may be freaking out, but at least I’m not trapped in a kitchen with a crazy guy who makes me clean squid at 6:00 AM and then tells me what a worthless idiot I am.

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The forces of good and evil

I’m watching the season finale of “The Apprentice.”

*insert obligatory joke about Donald Trump’s hair here*

I can’t decide if this makes me more or less of a dork than the people who had to go out and see the new Star Wars movie RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY lest they somehow shrivel up and die from Jedi withdrawal.

In my defense, I’ve been home (mostly sleeping) all day, so running out to a movie wasn’t high on my priority list, anyway. But I haven’t caught the Star Wars mania that seems to plague so many of my friends. Yes, I saw the original Star Wars movie when it came out, and thought it was the greatest movie ever. I was five. I also thought that Fruity Pebbles were the world’s most perfect food.

Now, there isn’t much in the way of entertainment that I feel my life will be incomplete without. And if I can’t get it on this little box right here in my house? Forget it.
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Dictatorship for your own good

I’m watching 20/20. On a Friday night. In my sweatpants. While drinking… cold water. Because I am a PARTY ANIMAL.

So there’s this piece on Weyco, a benefit management company that instituted a no-smoking policy. No big deal, right? You can’t smoke at work just about anywhere, anyway.

Not exactly. Weyco instituted a zero-tolerance policy on nicotine use, period. Employees were subject to random screenings and if nicotine was detected, they were terminated. The story was about whether or not this was legal, blah blah blah, Big Brother is watching yooouuuuuu, etc. And I don’t mean to make light of the greater ramifications of something like this.

Please disregard the giggles of glee that escaped while I watched this story.
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I’m great; chicken’s on sale; what the hell?

One of the joys of living in a small community is that if you’re hoping to run into someone you know, the chances of it happening are excellent. (One of the sucky things about living in a small community is that you’re also likely to run into people you’d rather not. Oh well.)

Anyway, it was with great jubilee today that I parked at the grocery store and noted a friend-of-a-friend pulling her van out of a nearby parking spot. I didn’t want to appear over-eager so I ran up along side her door and pounded on the window while she was checking traffic behind her. She only had a minor aneurysm. Then I caused a ten-car pileup there in the lot while I insisted she roll down her window to talk to me, rather than allowing her to go home and unpack her groceries.

Don’t you wish I lived in your town?

I had a good reason for doing what I did: we needed to talk. I haven’t seen this woman in months, and we had some catching up to do. I wanted to know how she was doing. I wanted to hear how life was going for her. I wanted to tell her she has lousy taste in men.
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Still me

Signs that I am still my usual weird and neurotic self in spite of my fabulous new job which I am not talking about except for the part where I can’t stop mentioning it:
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And speaking of scent…

Could someone please explain to me what it is about a woman being happy and not at all looking that suddenly makes her irresistible to men? Is the adage about always wanting what you can’t have really true?

Once upon a time, I was sorta kinda fixed up with this guy at a time when I would’ve gladly gone out with any guy who asked me nicely. Only, he never asked me out. He sent me emails and beeped me on IM and then proceeded to wander off in the middle of our chats more than once. I tried to keep an open mind, but after a few weeks, I changed my settings so that he couldn’t see me on IM, and forgot about him.

Last night (after I’d gone to sleep) (why, yes, I did have sweet dreams, thank you) this guy wrote me a very earnest email about how he hasn’t seen me around and he wonders what I’m up to and please drop him a line and blah blah freaking blah.

All of which leads me to two inescapable conclusions:
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Back to channel surfing….

Dear blind friend-of-a-friend fix-up guy,

You know, I was almost believing that excuse about delayed IMs because of “not being a very fast typist.”

But I must say that if you delay long enough between responses that I have ample time to track down your profile on match.com and it turns out that you’re ONLINE AND ACTIVE that sort of ruins the impression of slow but undivided attention.

Busted.

Also? It says which is your best feature. Not which is your most prominent personality trait. Gold star to whomever identifies what he answered for that…. *snort*

Sincerely,
She who is tiring of the current hail of TOADS

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Having a three-way

Did you know there’s a marathon going on all day today?

Yeah, baby. Me, Stacy, and Clinton. Ushering in the new year. Woo!

Is it hot in here?

Here’s to 2005 bringing us all health and happiness. Or, you know, less innuendo and more actual raunch. I’m not picky.

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Date night

I think maybe someday I’ll have an actual date that involves leaving the house, on the weekend, but maybe not until after I’m dead. Don’t ask me how that would work, logistically, because I have no idea. It made sense when I wrote it. Honest.

Anyway, after my snarky moment that produced the last post, I decided to share with everyone the Softer Side of Mir and give you a view into what has become my traditional Friday night. Uncut and uncensored! Wooooo!! Cover your children’s eyes cuz this is gonna be wiiiiiild!
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