The forces of good and evil

By Mir
May 19, 2005

I’m watching the season finale of “The Apprentice.”

*insert obligatory joke about Donald Trump’s hair here*

I can’t decide if this makes me more or less of a dork than the people who had to go out and see the new Star Wars movie RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY lest they somehow shrivel up and die from Jedi withdrawal.

In my defense, I’ve been home (mostly sleeping) all day, so running out to a movie wasn’t high on my priority list, anyway. But I haven’t caught the Star Wars mania that seems to plague so many of my friends. Yes, I saw the original Star Wars movie when it came out, and thought it was the greatest movie ever. I was five. I also thought that Fruity Pebbles were the world’s most perfect food.

Now, there isn’t much in the way of entertainment that I feel my life will be incomplete without. And if I can’t get it on this little box right here in my house? Forget it.

So I’m watching “The Apprentice” and wondering if I’m missing the deeper message. Because right now? I’m mostly thinking that one finalist looks like Barbra Streisand after losing a fight with a John Deere, and the other one looks an awful lot like one of those big-headed enormous-eyed Bratz dolls that my daughter insists do NOT look scary (*blink* *blink*). I have no idea if either of them deserves to be the apprentice. I don’t understand why they’d want to be.

Perhaps I lack ambition. No, wait: I definitely lack ambition. I don’t get these people. “Please, allow me to work my tail off so that you can tell me how stupid I am! Sir!”

I don’t really get the Star Wars people, either, but they are cute and earnest and generally know how to fix my computer.

And if I had to choose, I think I’d rather follow Yoda than Donald. That’s a no-brainer. You disagree? I have a whole list of reasons why.

1) Yoda has better hair than Donald.
2) Yoda never says “You’re fired!”
3) Yoda doesn’t name everything after himself.
4) Yoda talks less.
5) Yoda is older but has had fewer wives.
6) Yoda sounds wise, whereas Donald just sounds pissed.
7) Yoda has had his own breakfast cereal. Would you eat Trump-Os?

In conclusion, Yoda is the champion of the forces of good, and Donald Trump may well be the devil.

Or, you know, I’m home sick and falling asleep in front of “The Apprentice” and I should really go to bed now. Either way.


  1. kj

    Yoda has a light sabre. Donald has a…
    Never mind. Let’s not take this any further.

  2. dave

    Donald is really Darth Greedious, the Evil Sith Lord.

  3. elswhere

    Agh! Bratz dolls! Yuck! Get ’em off me, get ’em off me!

  4. La Pix

    The Jedi School of Business Motto: Do or do not. There is no try.

    Sounds a little like Trump. I think Yoda’s combover is waaaaaay better though.

  5. Heather

    Oooh that list could totally be expanded if I knew anything about Star Wars or Donald Trump. Seriously, it’s a fabulous beginning…

  6. justlittleoldme64

    I brought my kids to the last Star Wars movie and dragged along a friend and her family. Now I feel guilty because she wasted a valuable part of her life that she can never reclaim.
    By the way, you have a funny blog!

  7. Sue

    Yes, but does Yoda have bottled water with his name on it? I don’t think so! Did you see Trump hawk his “Trump Ice” bottled water?
    That man is into everything!

  8. Mike

    Naaaaah, Yoda would never say “You’re fired!” Would have to be “Fired, you are! Mmmmmmm!” But Yoda v. Trump? Not even a contest. Give me Yoda v. Miss Piggy (with Oz doing both voices, of course), now _that_ would be entertainment!!

  9. ben

    Okay, what, exactly, is wrong with Fruity Pebbles?

    And Mike stole my Yoda impersonation. Dang.

    Oh, and (cough cough) Star Wars was really really good last night. Not once did I think “You know, I could be home watching Donald Trump fire somebody…”

  10. dave

    Ben, my sentiments exactly. (About Star Wars being good. Not sure about the Fruity Pebbles. I could probably find something wrong with them.)

  11. Zee

    What, you mean Fruity Pebbles *aren’t* the most perfect food ever?? There is something BETTER!?

  12. dad

    The public at large,including myself, has to share your feelings about Donald Trump. We watch, and imagine we are doing to him what you did to that poor woman in the Jones of New York store.
    I should advise that this post should not be read while eating milk soaked raisin bran. You don’t want to know the result of my attempt but I have varified that there is a direct connection, in many humans, between the mouth and the nose.


    ps: How come there was no warning for me on your last blog? (Because all that happiness was weird).

  13. Indigo

    I don’t get the Jedi withdrawal either. I live with a Jedi guy, okay, so he’s my Hubby…. and he saw the movie yesterday. I don’t plan on seeing the movie ever.

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