I’m watching the season finale of “The Apprentice.”
*insert obligatory joke about Donald Trump’s hair here*
I can’t decide if this makes me more or less of a dork than the people who had to go out and see the new Star Wars movie RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY lest they somehow shrivel up and die from Jedi withdrawal.
In my defense, I’ve been home (mostly sleeping) all day, so running out to a movie wasn’t high on my priority list, anyway. But I haven’t caught the Star Wars mania that seems to plague so many of my friends. Yes, I saw the original Star Wars movie when it came out, and thought it was the greatest movie ever. I was five. I also thought that Fruity Pebbles were the world’s most perfect food.
Now, there isn’t much in the way of entertainment that I feel my life will be incomplete without. And if I can’t get it on this little box right here in my house? Forget it.
So I’m watching “The Apprentice” and wondering if I’m missing the deeper message. Because right now? I’m mostly thinking that one finalist looks like Barbra Streisand after losing a fight with a John Deere, and the other one looks an awful lot like one of those big-headed enormous-eyed Bratz dolls that my daughter insists do NOT look scary (*blink* *blink*). I have no idea if either of them deserves to be the apprentice. I don’t understand why they’d want to be.
Perhaps I lack ambition. No, wait: I definitely lack ambition. I don’t get these people. “Please, allow me to work my tail off so that you can tell me how stupid I am! Sir!”
I don’t really get the Star Wars people, either, but they are cute and earnest and generally know how to fix my computer.
And if I had to choose, I think I’d rather follow Yoda than Donald. That’s a no-brainer. You disagree? I have a whole list of reasons why.
1) Yoda has better hair than Donald.
2) Yoda never says “You’re fired!”
3) Yoda doesn’t name everything after himself.
4) Yoda talks less.
5) Yoda is older but has had fewer wives.
6) Yoda sounds wise, whereas Donald just sounds pissed.
7) Yoda has had his own breakfast cereal. Would you eat Trump-Os?
In conclusion, Yoda is the champion of the forces of good, and Donald Trump may well be the devil.
Or, you know, I’m home sick and falling asleep in front of “The Apprentice” and I should really go to bed now. Either way.