Must be brief; Housewives is on

By Mir
October 9, 2005

Many important things happened this weekend, but I’ve got to watch TV right now or, um, I would be less pathetic. And we don’t want THAT to happen.

Although, I did go out on Saturday night amongst grown-ups to a comedy show. That was almost like being a social person. And the last comedian actually improvised (hilariously) for over twenty minutes on some random audience member’s wallet. And I was very pleased we weren’t sitting right in front.

I believe someone previously recommended to me “those thingies that dissolve in the shower and create vapor” when I had a cold. They just ran a commercial for them–Sudacare Shower Soothers. They look like urinal cakes; which, I suppose, may indeed scare the snot right out of you. However, I think I’ll pass.

Anyway! On to the big news!

First big news: Can’t tell. Sorry! Not my big news to tell. But there is big exciting news afoot and I’m tickled. Sometimes wonderful people get what they deserve, and it makes my heart happy.

Second big news: Chickadee discovered that a classmate was doing chickadees for the Big Bird Project. She insisted on finding a bird that no one else was already doing. So. Stay tuned for the Big Kiwi Project. As far as I can tell, she picked the kiwi purely on the basis of its being known for having smelly, badger-like poop.

Third big news: A scintillating haircolor update! Hold on to your seats!

Did you know that there are ways to fix haircolor gone bad? It’s true. Of course, the most effective ways involve, you know, going to your hairdresser and admitting your stupidity. But I have neither the money nor the humility to do such a thing, so that’s out.

Oh, but first a slight digression. I figured out what went wrong! Well, other than the fact that I probably picked a color that was too dark. Anyway, here’s my revelation (after all of the research I did this weekend): Color takes more readily to the ends of hair. Every time I’ve dyed my hair, previously, I had long hair. Ratio of ends to the rest of hair, small. Now I have short hair. Ratio of ends to the rest of hair, LARGE. In fact, my hair is pretty much all ends at this point. So. My entire head is covered with dye-sucking ends. Moving on.

So, if you–like me–have dyed your hair too dark, by accident? Here are some things you might want to try.

* Wash your hair with an abrasive shampoo, like Prell, or any other “clarifying” formula. Or if you want to pull out the big guns, dishwashing liquid.

* Mix some baking soda into your shampoo.

* For brunettes (I dunno what happens if you do this on blonde… maybe your head explodes)–steep a pot of chamomile tea and use it to rinse clean, conditioned hair. Then go into the sun or use your hairdryer. Oh, and make sure the tea has cooled, otherwise you and your bad dye job will probably have to go to the ER.

* Olive oil can lighten hair, and it makes a pretty good hot oil treatment, too.

I won’t bore you with a detailed description of what I tried or how many times I tried it. Suffice it to say that I had a very busy afternoon, and now feel quite fresh but have an insatiable craving for Earl Grey and breadsticks. Hmm.

Anyway! Thank goodness for all my new-found knowledge and hard work. Yesterday, my hair was BLACK. Today, my hair is NEARLY BROWN. I mean, yes, it’s still sort of black, but in a way that is much closer to brown. Really, the follicles are reminiscing with one another. Yesterday there was total amnesia. Brown? I was never brown. What do you mean, brown? Today they’re all wistful with each other… remember when we were brown? Oh YEAH, that was great… seems like just yesterday…. Etc.

So, um, yeah. Grease was on TV earlier while I was folding laundry, and I found myself belting out “Beauty School Dropout.” Just a coincidence, I’m sure.

I wonder if I have any croutons.


  1. LB

    I love it that I can always count on you for a laugh!

  2. ben

    Tonite on Iron Chef: Battle Hair Color!

  3. Lisa (in California)

    That’s what I love to hear–beat that hair into submission! Teach it that you are boss and then some! Soon you will be brownette again. Until then rent “Beatlejuice” and get in touch with your Wynonna Ryder pre-shoplifting goth side.
    Happy clarifying!

  4. MsShadow

    I just get a lighter color and dye it again. Just this weekend, as a matter of fact.

  5. Kira

    What…no pictures?

  6. Cyndi

    Geez, you crack me. Olive oil??? Who knew?

  7. Melanie Lynne Hauser

    Oh, I’m cringing, Mir! I’m so afraid your hair is going to fall out or something! I’m such a hair diva – I’ll go without food, coffee and even books in order to pay for a professional to tend to my tresses! I had too many accidents with Sun-In and Clairol when I was younger. (One time I totally ended up with orange hair, a la Fergie.)

  8. amber

    I’ve been bad at keeping up lately but if I was on the ball I would have told you about the dishwashing liquid. It has high PH and strips hair and hair colour effectively. It’s also good to restraighten badly permed hair in the first 24 hours. Lemon, peroxide and the sun work well for blondes trying to lighten, anyone trying to get highlights and such. The peroxide mix is tricky, the supermarket/drugstore kind ususally doesn’t lighten much but less is more. No one wants cruchy hair. If you have over processed hot oil is good, if you have a day put olive oil in your hair and don’t wash it out til the next day. Mayo works too and if you need it I have a egg-honey-mayo mask recipe that helps hair feel more normal after the hard work of colour correction. I used to do massive colour trials on my hair and it’s never fallen out :)

  9. Bob

    So, I’m not going to have to worry about you tearing up pictures of the Pope am I?

  10. Amy-GO

    Ok. I have been out of town for a week so this is the first I’m hearing of the hair color saga – sounds like a good time! Here is what I know: I once used “Temporary” hair dye for a halloween costume. It was SUPPOSED to wash out in 7-10 shampoos. Huh. Five months later my hair was still BURGANDY. I looked like Raggedy-freaking-Anne. I finally cut my hair super-short to get rid of it because my hair was so fried that my hairdresser thought it would FALL OUT if I re-dyed it. Nice. I tried Prell, Joy dishwashing soap, Comet, etc. etc. etc. Nothing worked. I hope you have better luck! You probably will – I’m a redhead and apparently our hair absorbs dye REALLY REALLY REALLY well. Lesson learned! :)

  11. julie

    Umh, what are urinal cakes and how do you know what they look like?

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