What I should’ve done today: Rake leaves, put away the deck furniture, rake leaves, take down the shade cabana thingie on the deck, rake leaves, mow the lawn, and rake leaves.

What I ended up doing today, on purpose: Vacuuming the entire house, dusting the first floor, washing Monkey’s school bedding, sorting through piles of papers and mail, wrapping birthday presents for a party we’re going to tomorrow, giving Monkey a haircut, patching and painting a wall that has needed some attention for longer than I will admit, letting my ex take apart and diagnose my computer, doing dishes, sorting children’s clothing, mopping, and talking on the phone with a friend about how we should get together but our (respective) children really seemed to be enjoying a lazy day at home.

Things I did today, but wish I hadn’t: Sliced open my thumb while trying to open the paint can, cleaned up half a bottle of liquid soap that mysteriously attacked the bathroom counter (suspect still at large), removed an entire handful of pebbles from the dryer’s lint trap, killed three houseflies upstairs, and recycled all of the pretty catalogs tempting me to buy things.

What I have bought today since receiving the (late) child support check: a big-ass bucket of Legos and a memory stick for my limping computer. See Mir recklessly squander cash. Squander, Mir, squander!

What my children are doing right now: Sitting fed, scrubbed and pajama-ed in front of the world’s most annoying video, having a grand time.

What song I could happily live the rest of my life without hearing again: Whoop, we found it! Whoop, we found it! Whoop, we found it! How about YOU?

What I will do tonight after the kids are in bed: Finish reading the book I’m working on, admire my clean house, feel guilty about not raking the leaves (maybe), start some more laundry, make a pot of tea, watch Trading Spaces, pay bills, balance my checkbook, and vow to do the raking tomorrow.

Important morals of this story: Raking is possibly my least favorite task in the entire world, being handy does not preclude being clumsy, my life is dull, and I probably won’t rake tomorrow, either.

I like to consider myself a person of above-average intelligence. But every now and then I come face to face with the realization that I am full of crap. Woe is me.

Today I am expecting a couple of Very Important Phone Calls. So I dutifully puttered around all morning, sans shower, so that I would be available for these calls. Naturally, the watched phone never rings (except with a telemarketing call from Florida). Before I stepped into the shower around lunchtime, I placed the phone on the bathroom counter so that I wouldn’t miss a call. But Murphy’s Law clearly dictates that if I want the phone to ring, I have to be in the shower, shampoo in my eyes, with the nearest phone at least three rooms away. My carelessness cost me those calls. Was it worth it? Was it??

I shaved my legs again, today. (Wow! Twice in one month, not due to weather or sex! It’s a record!) Which is to say, I sliced my legs open in multiple places. I’ve been shaving my legs for 22 years, people. TWENTY. TWO. YEARS. You’d think I’d have gotten the hang of it, by now. My legs haven’t changed shape; I don’t have Parkinson’s Disease or some other sort of tremor-producing disorder. What’s my excuse?

Now I’m looking around my computer desk. It is covered in a thick layer of dust, which I am writing about instead of eradicating. There are bills here in a stack that I am trying to will out of existence (it hasn’t worked so far, but I’m no quitter), and also a couple sets of file folders that I bought for getting myself organized. The files are still empty. Rather than get organized, I’m going to sit here and be pissed at myself for buying them in the first place. Because that’s productive.

There must be something else I should be doing, right now. I’ll be sure to screw it up and report back.