On Sunday, we drank and gambled
Because it wasn’t exciting enough to go to the movies on Friday afternoon, followed by a gala here at the house, followed by a sleepover Friday night, followed by some serious time spent down at the pond welcoming Spring (via the time-honored tradition of capturing minnows, splashing through streams, talking to the geese, and attempting to build your own dam), yesterday I took Chickadee to a fancy tea party.
We drank iced tea from goblets and ate all manner of fancy finger foods, and I know they were fancy because each delicious morsel was tinier than the next, and everyone knows that fancy food is miniature. The only BIG thing in the whole place was a gigantic mold of pimento cheese loaf—this is Georgia, after all—but despite my sincere wish to bury my face in it, even that had to be scooped off in little bits and put on our plates to go with little crackers. read more…
State of the Popcorn Address
Friends, Readers, Bloggyfolk:
I apologize for the delay in bringing you both the status update and the scientific results for which you have so patiently waited. We realize that some of you—we’re not naming any names, but consider investing in a hobby, is all we’re saying—have been on the edge of your seat, just wanting, nay, NEEDING to know the conclusion to the movie theater snacks dilemma wherein one family (us) struggled with finding a gameplan that could harmoniously unite ethics, thriftiness, and a wild party for a small group of children.
Before I launch into our report I’d just like to say that I love how sometimes the comment section turns into a giant game of “telephone.” Someone mentioned me taking a dozen girls to the theater and suddenly everyone was going on and on about the “large group of children” we’d be taking, and I giggled and giggled, because: 3. We took three extra children. read more…
When you turned 10
Dear Chickadee,
When you turned 10, I was dumb enough to ask the internet for their thoughts on bringing food into the movies, which—let’s face it—we have always done because we are a family of hoodlums. After receiving more comments on that post than on the one where I totaled the car or when Otto and I got engaged, I sat you down and asked you if you thought that rules could be ignored whenever we felt like it, just because sometimes we bring our own snacks. You rolled your eyes. “Of course not! You always follow the rules! It’s just that that rule is dumb.” It brought a tear to my eye, truly.
When you turned 10, I told you to go clean your room and you actually did it. Your closet—a.k.a. The Dumping Ground—resembled a military locker when you were done, and I was astonished by your conscientiousness. read more…
. . . paved with Twizzlers
I’m afraid I need to interrupt Love Thursday to bring you a much more pressing matter. (Pssst! Do not fret! I am likely to give you Love Friday, instead.)
Otto and I are having a small disagreement. I would like some input on our dilemma, and to make it fair I won’t even tell you which side of the argument each of us is on. It will be TOTALLY BLIND, because there’s NO WAY you’ll be able to suss out who is who. What? Oh, look over there! Something SHINY!
This is a matter of great importance—I mean, it must be, as it represents the first real argument of our nearly-year of marriage—and since both of us have extremely hard heads and each believe our own personal positions to be correct, I just feel like it’s imperative that we open this up to the floor.
After all, if you can’t use your readers as your moral compass (provided that they say what you want them to), WHAT IS THE POINT OF SOCIETY? read more…
Further adventures in dental hell
Hey, the GOOD news is that I don’t have any cavities! That’s due to my patented method of brushing often, never flossing, and having good genes. (I should totally write a book. “You Too Can Have Pretty Strong Teeth, Unless You Don’t, In Which Case You Can Suck It, But Hopefully Not Before You Buy This Book!”)
Let’s review: I do not like the dentist, Sam-I-Am. After a long dental care hiatus, my return to the dentist was somewhat traumatic, you may remember. But I soldiered on! I kept up with it! Even when I started having cavities and other problems! I’m like a battered woman who’s CONVINCED that this time, he’s changed. I keep giving the dentist ONE MORE CHANCE and it never ends well, but I just never learn.
You may think I’m exaggerating, but let me put it to you this way: I spent two hours at the dentist yesterday, and THEN I had to make an appointment for a cleaning. read more…
The makings of a FANTABULOUS day
Lord, I need more strength this morning than my one allotted breakfast cup of coffee is likely to impart. Be with me, please, and help me not to hurt anyone or grump overly at those who do not deserve my wrath. Indeed, help me to be kind even to those who honestly deserve my bile, because I’d like to be the sort of person who is graceful under pressure and not the sort of person who spouts obscenities in a crisis.
I pray all of this in the name of your Son and also chocolate and bacon and pretty pink drinks… Amen.
Oh, hi! Sorry, I find that starting off my day with a heart-felt prayer can really help to clear my mind as well as fine-tune my righteous indignation later on when everything is still a great big mess. Don’t mind me. read more…
Picking up where we left off
Otto had a “work thing” this weekend, and by that I mean that I said goodbye to him on Thursday morning and other than the occasional in-the-wee-hours mumble of “what time is it? did you just get home?” we didn’t see each other again until last night.
Well, that’s not quite accurate—he called late yesterday morning to say he needed to bring some folks over for a late lunch, and could I get to the store? The kids and I ran over to Publix for cold cuts and supplies to make banana pudding; the former so that we could all have sandwiches, and the latter because when it comes to embracing Southern hospitality, my children are ALL ABOUT pudding and Nilla Wafers. Then I got to have lunch with the group before Otto left to take everyone back to the airport. So there was some meaningful conversation inserted in there, sweet nothings like “Hello, I remember you! I think!” and “Dude, why did you take out the ketchup? Do you think people want ketchup sandwiches??” to round out the day. read more…
Equality for all, even the deck
So last week I had a day where Chickadee was invited on a last-minute playdate and Monkey was just DYING from the injustice of it. I offered up half a dozen different suggestions of things we could do, just the two of us, without her, but the whining went unabated as he insisted that he NEEEEEEDED some time with his FRIIIIIENDS.
I did what any good mother would do; I called up a fellow mom and invited us over to her house. (Don’t you wish you lived here? I could be eating all the snacks in your pantry RIGHT NOW.) As it happened, they already had an extra boy-child over, so the three of them ran off to play while we moms sat and chatted and drank cold water as the hot breeze puffed in through the screen door.
At some point we shooed the boys outside, but they were nervous about going because there were a couple of carpenter bees buzzing around just outside the door. read more…
The one where I realize: I’m happy
Joshilyn arrived yesterday afternoon with Sam and Maisy in tow, and Monkey and Sam were LITERALLY engrossed in a discussion of the finer points of various Pokemon beasties before the door had even shut behind them. For a couple of glorious hours, Joss and I got to sit and relax and chat while Chickadee dressed Maisy in a variety of her outgrown clothing and generally led her around like a wee and precious pet lamb, and the boys bounced off the walls upstairs (where we could hear them but not be overly disturbed by them).
I dished up dinner earlyish (Chris’ most excellent chicken curry with sweet potatoes and coconut rice, which if you have not tried you must go make RIGHT NOW because it is THAT GOOD) and the children regaled us with riddles as we ate, then we left the children and their pajamas and a movie with a sitter, and headed out to Borders.
Joss gave a great appearance, as usual, and as usual I had to restrain from blurting out to anyone I saw there, “She’s my friend! Isn’t she awesome?” Heh. read more…
Imagine your picture here
My lawyer is very, very good at what he does, and a nice guy, to boot. He knows law. He knows tradition. What he doesn’t hand off to his secretary he types with two fingers, and he had exactly no idea of what a blog was until I had to explain to him what I do for a living.
“So, you write about your life for anyone to read?” he asked, hand pausing in mid-air over his legal pad.
“Yeah, pretty much,” I admitted.
I don’t think he really understood that. Heck, some days I’m not sure I really understand it. But most of the time I assume that people come here for humor, and most of the time I try to deliver. And even after four years, I continue to be completely blown away by my readers’ warmth and compassion on those occasions when there isn’t anything funny about my life. read more…