Friends, Readers, Bloggyfolk:
I apologize for the delay in bringing you both the status update and the scientific results for which you have so patiently waited. We realize that some of you—we’re not naming any names, but consider investing in a hobby, is all we’re saying—have been on the edge of your seat, just wanting, nay, NEEDING to know the conclusion to the movie theater snacks dilemma wherein one family (us) struggled with finding a gameplan that could harmoniously unite ethics, thriftiness, and a wild party for a small group of children.
Before I launch into our report I’d just like to say that I love how sometimes the comment section turns into a giant game of “telephone.” Someone mentioned me taking a dozen girls to the theater and suddenly everyone was going on and on about the “large group of children” we’d be taking, and I giggled and giggled, because: 3. We took three extra children.
(And just so you know, all five children were perfectly well-behaved.)
Let’s first examine the responses to my query to see what the public had to say about it all. As of this writing, there were 200-something responses, but various comments were either additional thoughts from the same respondent, or somehow didn’t express any sort of opinion. Therefore our sample size was 187 usable comments for our study.
The breakdown was as follows:
41% of you said DO NOT BREAK THE RULES, buy from the theater. You were the majority and are also morally upright. Well, mostly. We’ll get into that in a minute. Regardless: Congratulations!
25% of you said BRING YOUR OWN SNACKS AND SCREW THE MAN, or something like that. As a group I am attracted to you, but also a little scared.
13% of you said BRING SOME SNACKS AND BUY SOME SNACKS, sticking to the time-honored tradition of splitting the difference in an effort to make everyone happy. If you’re in this group, consider yourself a people-pleaser.
10% of you hemmed and hawed and were basically on the fence. Some might call you spineless but I prefer to call you humanists.
9% of you said DON’T EAT ANYTHING AT THE THEATER, which would neatly sidestep the problem altogether. You think outside of the box and also have very pretty teeth.
1% of you said WATCH A DVD AT HOME, which was a point well taken except that, well, we’d already invited the kids to the movies.
[Yes, I realize that only adds up to 99%. Rounding error! Just another side effect of having a weak moral compass!]
Now, at first glance you might think that these statistics are encouraging. Nearly half of my readers are morally upright! A quarter are rebels! Aren’t we a well-balanced group? Indeed. But there’s just this one funny little thing I feel the need to point out, here.
Of the 41% who insisted we adhere to the letter of the law, 23% overall, or 56% of that subset of you said that it was okay to break the rules with just MY children, but because OTHER kids were involved, I shouldn’t. One of my commenters pointed out that she was disturbed by this notion that I bear less responsibility to my own offspring than to someone else’s, and I have to say I agree. That SO MANY of you insisted I was free to break the rules with my own family but not with other people’s kids was FASCINATING to me. Truly. I mean, I sort of understand the reasoning but I also think it’s a little twisted.
I also had a commenter who called out my concern about orthodontia as “a smokescreen” and said that “everyone can have Junior Mints.” So for the record I would like it noted that this theater doesn’t carry Junior Mints. Freakish, I know, but I LOOKED and they don’t stock them. Today’s kids don’t understand the value of a Junior Mint, I suspect. Also, after YOU’VE spent several thousands of dollars on some pieces of wire, you let me know if wanting to keep said wires (which are surely forged of platinum, given the price) intact is “a smokescreen” or “common sense.” Thanks! Anyway.
And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for—what did we do?
I did purchase candy necklaces for the kids at the Dollar Store, because Chickadee was freakishly fixated on having them, and they do not sell them at the theater. In addition, we bought three boxes of candy (for the five kids to share) and a small popcorn (for me and Otto) from the concession counter at the movies. I made Otto buy the food because the thought of even looking at the total made me a little lightheaded.
For the record there is no signage of any kind at the theater indicating that outside food is not allowed.
And then we went into the theater and counting our party of 7 there were 9 people there to see the film. We were not ejected due to our contraband necklaces, and a grand time was had by all.
Afterwards we came home and played and made pizzas and ate cake and ice cream, and I think it’s safe to say that it was pretty much a festival of gluttony.
I hope that this report has put your minds at ease, and furthermore I hope that your future is filled with the snack of your choice. Thank you, and goodnight!