I’m afraid I need to interrupt Love Thursday to bring you a much more pressing matter. (Pssst! Do not fret! I am likely to give you Love Friday, instead.)
Otto and I are having a small disagreement. I would like some input on our dilemma, and to make it fair I won’t even tell you which side of the argument each of us is on. It will be TOTALLY BLIND, because there’s NO WAY you’ll be able to suss out who is who. What? Oh, look over there! Something SHINY!
This is a matter of great importance—I mean, it must be, as it represents the first real argument of our nearly-year of marriage—and since both of us have extremely hard heads and each believe our own personal positions to be correct, I just feel like it’s imperative that we open this up to the floor.
After all, if you can’t use your readers as your moral compass (provided that they say what you want them to), WHAT IS THE POINT OF SOCIETY?
Right, then. Please put on your impartial thinking caps. (You’ll know they’re impartial, because they… ummm… don’t have any… parts.)
The Situation: Tomorrow afternoon we shall celebrate the arrival at double digits of a certain young lady by taking her and a gaggle of her friends to the movies. As befits a crowd of such advanced age, we will allow them to SIT IN A DIFFERENT ROW, because they’re so grown-up and all. (They will also be receiving a lecture on Proper Movie Theater Etiquette, for which I have already received a gigantic eyeroll and a huffy, “Mom! We’re TEN! We KNOW!”)
The Question: The movie theater has a rule that you are not to bring outside food inside.
The Ethically-Guided Position: One of us holds that the rules are the rules and not only should not be broken, but in fact should ABSOLUTELY not be broken when chaperoning children who have been entrusted to our care by others. This person believes that if we want to allow the children snacks, we should purchase them at the movie theater, end of discussion. Furthermore, this person holds that bringing outside food in is not just a violation of the rules, but actually STEALING—revenue is being “stolen” from the establishment if we do this.
The Reality-Guided Position: One of us is willing to cop to being a rule-breaker, but thinks that calling it stealing is A BIT MUCH, particularly as—surprise!!—the person who wants to bring food in would NEVER pay what the theater charges for refreshments, so there is no lost revenue. This person maintains that not only is movie food overpriced, and not only will we have already given the theater many many dollars for all the tickets, but—even if we were willing to pay those prices—with a gaggle of children in various stages of orthodontia, there is precious little available there which they can actually eat (popcorn and sticky candies are no-nos). This person wants to fetch some appropriate candy from the Dollar Store and bring it with us. This person is, furthermore, willing to include a pair of plastic handcuffs in each goody bag to fully own the lawlessness of the situation, if that would make the other person feel more comfortable.
We are at something of an impasse, and while I couldn’t be prouder that our First Marital Argument centers on such an important issue, I feel like as long as we’re having such a stupid debate, we should include others. I know Otto is going to be DELIGHTED that I’ve shared, too.
Please discuss. Feel free to address whether or not you would post bail in this scenario, too, should one of us be carted off to the Bighouse.