Offspring: ecstasy and agony Articles

Having a wonderful time, here’s some mail

Family Day at Chickadee's school approacheth. In theory I think this is a great idea---some of those kids probably haven't seen their folks since they left home, and some parents are probably dying to see their kid(s) in their school element. In practice, I see my kid plenty, and whoops, she's actually going to be home that weekend, so it's something we'll be skipping, but whatever. It's a nice thing the college does. Here's some preamble to what comes next: I don't know if things have just changed everywhere since I was in school, of if Chickie's college is unique in this, but it seems like...

read more

Batten down those dryer sheets

Welcome to another episode of, "Well hello there, I am not in fact dead, I have just been busy elsewhere and also I suck." I have baked things for Nerd Night! I have fitted one hundred smelly teenagers for band uniforms! (That's not a slam; we do fittings during practice and they're practicing outside and it's hot and seriously, please send air freshener.) I have Cleaned Things and Dealt With Broken Things and said "let me know how I can help" and actually meant it, which means I have been doing lots of things which are probably uninteresting to anyone other than the folks I am helping, but...

read more

We are all adjusting

After a summer that seemed to pass in a blink, we're back on a school schedule that has Otto and Monkey heading out the door at 7:30, most days, and often not returning until late in the evening. Classes have started for Chickie, too, and she was kind enough to remember that I needed a picture on the first day. (Why yes, it IS 95+ degrees and a bazillion percent humidity here every day, still. Don't you wear skinny jeans and combat boots in that sort of lovely weather? No? WEIRD.) Each of us is figuring out our new schedule, our new space, this next stage. I am still marveling over how...

read more

It is done (and no one cried)

Y'all. We made it. Chickadee's at college. Now is the appropriate time for an AMEN and a HALLELUJAH and any other celebratory exclamation of your choosing. This was a long road and I would've happily changed MANY MANY parts of it, given the option, but in the end it led her right where she needed to be. Have I mentioned how proud I am of this kid? She astounds me every day. So yes, it is bittersweet. But everyone warned us we'd all be bawling and I said NUH UH and everyone did the whole "Just you wait" and guess what? It was great. I'm not going to tell you my eyes weren't a little glossy by...

read more

Live from the House of Pop-Tarts

We move Chickadee into her dorm tomorrow. TOMORROW. Today is taking approximately 593 hours, in case you were wondering, but also she is not done packing because GEEZ MOM IN A MINUTE. As for me, about a month ago I bought a case of Pop-Tarts from Amazon as part of Operation Stock The Dorm With Snacks---this was a moment of weakness, as I am staunchly anti-toaster-pastry and found them gross even when I could still eat wheat---and hid it in the back of the pantry. BUT THEN. The pediatrician got on my case about Monkey being so skinny, so I dug out a couple of boxes and suggested he snack on...

read more

A happy ending after all

Guess what I have. Go on! GUESS!! I have a fully functional fridge cart for my kid. HASHTAG MOST EXCITING THING EVER HASHTAG MIDDLE AGE PARENT HASHTAG UNNECESSARY HASHTAGS HASHTAG GOD MOM STOP. (If none of this makes any sense, go back and read my last post. It took the whole village---or maybe several villages, and at least several warehouses---but we now have one entire, undamaged fridge cart. If just the hashtag part doesn't make sense, don't worry about it. I'M A COOL MOM.) (I am so not a cool mom.) With that squared away, the packing up for college continues apace. More accurately, the...

read more

Not dead! But still disappointing!

If you've been feeling let down because I haven't been writing here much this summer, know that you're in good company---most of my family is annoyed with me as well. First I received a phone call from my father asking me if I was still alive, and if so, if everything was alright, because "when you don't blog for more than a week I get worried." Next, I received a text from my eldest (who was in the next room at the time), because although she will happily walk miles to catch Pokemon, apparently ungluing her ass from the couch to speak to me in person is too much effort. I guess what I'm...

read more

Everything is terrible (not really)

It occurred to me that I forgot to tell you about my recent Bread Adventures. If you've been reading here forever and also have an uncanny memory for stupid details of other people's lives, you may recall that many, many years ago I discovered how easy it was to bake bread, and also how DELICIOUS said bread was, and I began baking bread all the time. In fact, I stopped buying sandwich bread altogether, because I just baked it here at home and it was a billion times better. Sandwich loaf bread from the store is---to me---a necessary vehicle for sandwich fillings, but... meh. Homemade bread,...

read more

On pushing, and not

I tell you what: you think, when your kids are little, that when they're bigger, it'll be easier. HAHAHAHA. You look forward to self-sufficiency and assume it will magically appear in exactly the right proportions at the right time. This is because parenting damages your brain. When you're dealing with a child who goes floppy and boneless when it's time to put on their shoes, you imagine that someday they will make good, responsible decisions as a direct result of your calmly reiterating instructions for the tenth time and your remarkable restraint in not strangling them with their own...

read more

Things I Might Once Have Said

Categories

Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest