Actual voicemail, left for my insurance agent early this afternoon: Hi, Agent, this is Mir Lastname, at xxx-xxxx. I was just calling to find out what's happening with that second adjustor... he never called. OH, and to tell you that if he needs to come out, now would be a good time, because thanks to that last storm, my freshly sanitized basement IS UNDERWATER AGAIN. I swear that once I find some dry matches, I'm going to BURN THE HOUSE DOWN. Thought you should know. Hope you're having a SWELL weekend. Okay. BYE!
We have a featured appetizer this evening, it's a delicately placed Hunter Douglas blind over the largest window. It cost entirely too much money when purchased, and now when you attempt to lower it after a crummy day, the cord pops right off and the blind is rendered unusable. It comes with a string of obscenities on the side. Tonight's special entree is swamp basement, layered with swirling cardboard and unidentified detritus on top of a flaking concrete surface. It is topped with mysterious hairballs and errant Candyland cards. The chef recommends the swamp basement be paired with a small...
I'm taking a break. I am trying not to think about how hopeless this is. There's a drain in the basement. Rather than absorbing run-off, it appears to be the source of the flooding. The water table is so high, the water just keeps coming in. A neighbor and I spent 3 hours pumping and bailing. Then my ex arrived and we worked another 2 hours with the shop vac and various pump set-ups. Eventually we gave up and are now just trying to put things up on shelves or remove entirely anything we can drag out of there. It already stinks to high heaven, and--oh yeah--isn't covered under my homeowner's...
1) Pressure me into joining, schedule far too many meetings, saddle me with responsibilities better suited to someone else. 2) Ask me to proofread the copy, then while I'm out of town, decide amongst yourselves that my "recommended changes" are unnecessary. 3) Argue with me about my "recommendations." News flash: I do this for a living, and YES, punctuation really DOES go inside the quotation marks--every time. It's not a "recommendation" so much as "correct English usage which will prevent us from looking like morons." (Did you catch the period inside the quotation marks, there?) 4) Wonder...
Quiz time! No peeking at your neighbor's paper. 1) I hurriedly put up some eBay auctions to get rid of the outgrown matching dress sets Chickadee and I had. (Hush up in the back there; I mean SHE outgrew her dresses. Mine still fit.) a) Will they fetch a grand profit from someone who needs Easter outfits? b) Is this the end of an era, and is Chickadee old enough now to stop begging for matching dresses (please)? 2) Is it bad when it hurts to breathe? (Marvo assured me that was an interesting enough question to pose in an entry, but he's sick too, so maybe I shouldn't be listening to him.) 3)...
Once upon a time, long ago and far away, my husband and I were trying (and failing) to have children, so we did the sensible thing: We got a dog. He was the world's greatest dog right up until I ended up home on bedrest when I was pregnant, at which time he appointed himself Lord High Grand Defender Of Me and tried to kill anyone who came to the house, and tried to kill HIMSELF when we dared to leave him home alone (after I went back to work). He was... a little neurotic. He chewed through an air conditioner and got himself wedged halfway out one window and had to be rescued by our...
I'm breaking it down by the numbers, folks, and there is no redeeming bottom line (yet) that I can see. I mean, I'm looking for it. I am. But mostly all I'm finding is that I'm crabby. Which is not, strictly speaking, a discovery. On the one hand, everyone keeps assuring me that I probably don't have cancer. Which is great! I mean, I'm PROBABLY not going to get hit by a bus today, either. Or come down with a flesh-eating virus. Just knowing that these things are IMPROBABLE is enough to keep me from worrying about them. And so it ought to be with this, except that the whole slightly-puzzled...
