There were all sorts of things that my childhood mind dreamed up as being the spoils of adulthood. Even as a teen, the fantasies continued. About how great it would be to be on my own, be my own boss (apparently in these imaginings, I lived in a vacuum... a vacuum full of money!), be able to wear whatever I wanted without a critical "Do you think you're leaving the house dressed like THAT?" Being a grown-up was going to be totally awesome. And even as the grey hairs started to sprout, even as my ass began its slow, inexorable slide towards the backs of my knees, even as the bills piled up, I...
I was going to send an actual check to FEMA with my letter, you know, to just be done with it all, but several people pointed out that maybe I should just send a letter asking for instructions, first. To avoid having them take my money and then later arrest me for not paying them. (You wouldn't think such a thing could happen, would you? Sounds ridiculous? Have you read this? Scary times, folks.) So I wrote my letter and sent it off and now I await my instructions. I also mailed off my vehicle excise tax, today, chuckling to myself about how it's sort of an expensive month. In the meantime,...
Actual voicemail, left for my insurance agent early this afternoon: Hi, Agent, this is Mir Lastname, at xxx-xxxx. I was just calling to find out what's happening with that second adjustor... he never called. OH, and to tell you that if he needs to come out, now would be a good time, because thanks to that last storm, my freshly sanitized basement IS UNDERWATER AGAIN. I swear that once I find some dry matches, I'm going to BURN THE HOUSE DOWN. Thought you should know. Hope you're having a SWELL weekend. Okay. BYE!
We have a featured appetizer this evening, it's a delicately placed Hunter Douglas blind over the largest window. It cost entirely too much money when purchased, and now when you attempt to lower it after a crummy day, the cord pops right off and the blind is rendered unusable. It comes with a string of obscenities on the side. Tonight's special entree is swamp basement, layered with swirling cardboard and unidentified detritus on top of a flaking concrete surface. It is topped with mysterious hairballs and errant Candyland cards. The chef recommends the swamp basement be paired with a small...
I'm taking a break. I am trying not to think about how hopeless this is. There's a drain in the basement. Rather than absorbing run-off, it appears to be the source of the flooding. The water table is so high, the water just keeps coming in. A neighbor and I spent 3 hours pumping and bailing. Then my ex arrived and we worked another 2 hours with the shop vac and various pump set-ups. Eventually we gave up and are now just trying to put things up on shelves or remove entirely anything we can drag out of there. It already stinks to high heaven, and--oh yeah--isn't covered under my homeowner's...
1) Pressure me into joining, schedule far too many meetings, saddle me with responsibilities better suited to someone else. 2) Ask me to proofread the copy, then while I'm out of town, decide amongst yourselves that my "recommended changes" are unnecessary. 3) Argue with me about my "recommendations." News flash: I do this for a living, and YES, punctuation really DOES go inside the quotation marks--every time. It's not a "recommendation" so much as "correct English usage which will prevent us from looking like morons." (Did you catch the period inside the quotation marks, there?) 4) Wonder...
Quiz time! No peeking at your neighbor's paper. 1) I hurriedly put up some eBay auctions to get rid of the outgrown matching dress sets Chickadee and I had. (Hush up in the back there; I mean SHE outgrew her dresses. Mine still fit.) a) Will they fetch a grand profit from someone who needs Easter outfits? b) Is this the end of an era, and is Chickadee old enough now to stop begging for matching dresses (please)? 2) Is it bad when it hurts to breathe? (Marvo assured me that was an interesting enough question to pose in an entry, but he's sick too, so maybe I shouldn't be listening to him.) 3)...
