... for everyone to LOSE THEIR FREAKIN' MINDS. Seriously, I don't know what it is about December---whether the twinkling lights, much like certain over-the-top animated programs, cause people's brains to short-circuit, or if all of that GOODWILL and CHEER is just destined to backfire, or WHAT---but this is the time of year when otherwise reasonable people just up and go NUTS. And I don't want to cast aspersions, really, I don't. But I'm pretty sure this is NOT what Jesus had in mind. (Then again, Jesus strikes me as the sort who would find the birthday hoopla unnecessary. Though a national...
There is a downside to working from home, all by myself. Some might say that it's causing me to become even stranger than I already am, but those people are hopefully not within stabbing distance, because I have a mug full of dull pencils and I'm not afraid to use them! [Not that I ever use pencils. The children do. They use them until the leads are actually LOWER than the surrounding pencil barrel, then they return them to my mug and feign ignorance when my attempt to scrawl a phone number on my scratch pad yields only a faint squeak of wood against paper. "It wasn't ME," they both protest,...
I discovered very early on in my mothering career that FOR ME (not saying this is the rule for everyone, of course), I'm incapable of maintaining a friendship with a fellow mom whose parenting style is completely different than mine. Not because I think she's bad or wrong, but simply because get-togethers involving all of the children will cause my head to explode. If Little Billy is, for example, sitting on top of Chickadee and kicking all of her teeth out one by one (plink! plink! plink!) and Billy's mom is laughing and saying, "Boys just play really differently than girls, huh?" well,...
I'm feeling funky. Not like, "Check me out, I'm fabulous!" funky, either. More like "GOD, STOP LOOKING AT ME!" kind of funky. And nothing's wrong. There is no crisis. There's only a small and insignificant string of minor annoyances and my inability to cope with them without feeling like I'm having the everlovin' crap irritated out of me. (And, apparently, my inability to write a sentence that isn't awkward. Sorry about that.) This too shall pass, but in the meantime, I'm a real joy to be around. Seriously, do you want to know how bad it is right now? It's so bad that I bought myself some...
I think it's a testament to my GROWTH as a peaceful and centered human that I have neither maimed nor belittled anyone (to their face, anyway) in our current school district. Why, just last year, what's happening right now would've caused my head to explode in a stunning geyser of expletives and indignation! Instead, I am "gathering information" and "working through the proper channels" and "drinking a lot." And bitching to you, of course. (Also, I am not drinking a lot. My mother once told me that anyone reading my blog would assume I'm a heavy drinker, but I beg to differ. Anyone reading...
Let's just say that last night I started making bread. Bread to go with the soup I'm making today, that we'll be having for dinner. Let's just say that after I bake it (which I'm doing right now) it is going to be the best bread I've ever made, because it has been kneaded and punched and smacked within an inch of its gluten life. Let's just say that it is tempting to say "I FOUND THE BRIGHT SIDE OF HELL! HELL YIELDS EXCELLENT BREAD!" Let's just say that yesterday I spent my entire afternoon dreaming of pointy objects, bloody violence, and writing STERN LETTERS of complaint to... well, I'm...
So, um, remember how Monkey got his braces on and a wire kept popping off? I'd already taken him back to the orthodontist to have them fixed the very DAY they were put on, then the next day they were closed and I had to fix them myself, and then for a couple of days they were okay. That, of course, was followed by the Carnival Of The Wire Popping. The wire would pop off at least once a day. Sometimes twice! And because I actually have a few other things to do in this world besides remembering to call the orthodontist or spend the kids' entire college fund on gasoline to keep trucking over...
It has come to my attention that I may have inadvertently managed to bias my readers, a little bit, when it comes to the presentation of my darling children. Although it should go without saying that I find the two of them equally charming, there are some factors, perhaps, which may cause my representations of them here to be a bit... distorted. Some have said that I often post about Chickadee's transgressions but rarely about Monkey's, leading some to believe that Chickadee is a hoodlum-in-training and Monkey is a tiny, male Mary Poppins---practically perfect in every way. This is patently...
Parenting 101, Intro to Parenting: Feed, diaper, soothe, burp. My grade: B My feeling: Relief that we all survived. Parenting 201, Continued Topics in Parenting: Teach, read, watch, shape. My grade: B+ My feeling: Mostly amnesia, with a vague sense of accomplishment. Parenting 301, Discipline in Parenting: Expectations, rules, consequences. My grade: C My feeling: A on homework, D on tests. More work needed. Parenting 399, Advanced Discipline Practicum -- Family Vacation Lab: "Last warning: If you don't stop, we are going home RIGHT NOW." My grade: A+ My feeling: Is this what success feels...
