Here is what I know about myself and exercise: I am perhaps the world's lousiest self-motivator. Tell me to get my ass out of bed and meet you for a workout at 6:30? I'm there. Promise myself I'll get right up at 6:30 and hop on my elliptical trainer? I hit snooze. (Repeatedly.) Enroll me in an actual class of some sort? I won't miss a one. Pledge to get moving even on a day when my partner has to cancel? I'll move... right to the cabinet that the oreos are in. It's not that I don't enjoy exercise. It's that I hate exercise. With a deep and firey hatred that burns ever hotter whenever I...
Sometimes you have to look a bit deeper to really understand a word's true meaning in context. In this case, I don't so much mean "fond" as "horrified," but it's an irony thing, you see. We writers do that, sometimes. We say one thing in order to imply another. It's crazy! What's next? I don't know! Perhaps utter chaos! A couple of women whom I admire greatly have recently bared their sordid pasts just to allow us a few moments of hilarity. First Jenn got out her big mall hair and hoop earrings, then Holly showed off her purple Disney glasses and Coolio hairdo. It's a thing of beauty when us...
I've fallen, and I can't get up. I'm trapped inside my BRAIN. Let me tell you, it's a horrifying place to be. It is VERY crowded in here, and noisy. In the event of cabin depressurization or a water landing or a plain ol' crash there are no oxygen masks, flotation devices, or big inflatable slides. There's only... ummm... well, you could try grabbing onto one or another of the misfiring neurons and hope that it doesn't land you in the great black abyss, I suppose. Good luck with that. Now, usually, I can pluck something out of here and point it to my fingers and they do a little dance with...
I suppose we all tend to cling to the familiar. Even though sometimes the familiar sucks donkey balls. I know that--for myself--if the familiar isn't actively irritating the crap out of me, I pretty much want to keep it. And when the familiar is something that WORKS for me? Well, I'd give it up, sure. If you could pry it out of my cold, dead hands. Tonight I'm realizing that I need to embrace change more. Sometimes, change is good! Yes! Well, no. Not usually. But I'm trying to convince myself. And I may have found the perfect reason to almost believe it. Hi, my name is Mir, and I've just...
Because I am a VERY MEAN MOTHER I did not allow my children to stay up until midnight last night. They were complaining about this still, today, even as their jaws cracked with monster yawning and their adorable little heads spun completely around in the way that only small children's heads can do when their owners haven't had enough sleep. And because I recognized that the late bedtime last night (10:00! I thought I was cool, laissez faire, even! But no, I am the meanest mama ever!) meant that today could be a little bit rocky, I cleared the calendar and made sure we could spend the day at...
Tune in right now to your local Instant Messenger installation to experience the joy of my one-woman show, powered by beer and pretzels. I'm very entertaining. To myself. And possibly a few friends, though they might just be scared to point out that I am an incredible dork. Wow, one beer and suddenly it's a major tragedy when I reach the bottom of the pretzel bag. DAMN YOU, PRETZELS! RUNNING OUT ON ME WITH YOUR SALTY GOODNESS SUDDENLY GONE! I have abandonment issues. Pretzels give me flashbacks. What's not to enjoy? Ahem. By the way? Me = cheap date. Today was thrilling. I visited the...
Eight gift baskets made it out the door this morning. Yay! But I forgot that it was "Polar Express" day in Monkey's class, and so he was not properly attired in his pajamas and was quite angry with me. Boo. I was pretty much curled up in a ball of misery by the time I went to bed last night, between the neck spasms and the migraine. Boo. This morning my head is fine and my neck is better than it's been in weeks. Yay! (I didn't see him today, but I feel certain that the chiroquactor donned actual shoes today. I'm telling you, it's the sandals that cause problems.) After dropping the kids with...
It was 7 degrees outside this morning when I took the kids to school. I still haven't thawed. Thus begins the official season of me spending the next 5 months huddled next to the heating vent, applying hand lotion in a crazed, obsessive manner. No matter how well I may manage to clean myself up during the winter, my chapped hands always give me away. People, there's a REASON we're all better off with me working from home. Anyway. An entire day of running around in the freezing cold has left me totally devoid of cohesive thought. (Yes, that IS different than normal. Normally I have cohesive...
Hello! Thank you so much for all of the kind words and well-wishes! I feel all warm and fuzzy, but that could be the muscle relaxers. No matter! I'm pleased to report that both children are enjoying their minor celebrity status (I am told that Chickadee completely monopolized sharing time today, between the bandage on her head and the little stuffed bear whose head is wrapped in gauze, just like hers was when we left the hospital) and are back to bouncing off the walls with gleeful abandon. Children bounce. Thank God. Me, I always thought whiplash was pain in your neck, but apparently it is...
