I continue to be a fount of all things smoooooth and awesome in my everyday life. As you would expect. Did I mention that back when I thought I'd 1) have two kids at the same public middle school and 2) would probably be spending a lot of time sucking up to the administration for services for my kid, I agreed to be an officer in our PTA for this year? Oh yes I did. Because no matter how many times I go through the "volunteer... hate everyone... hate myself... remember that I hate people in general... wonder what made me think I had time to volunteer in the first place... pray for the...
Lord, but it's been a good long time since I regaled you with a story about my lady-bits. I mean, lately it's been all I HAVE ANGST and MY KIDS HAVE ISSUES and IT TOOK 37 DAYS TO BUILD THIS STUPID FENCE, and---surprisingly!---this has left precious little time for in-depth discussions of the various ways in which I sometimes end up naked in front of strangers. Clearly my priorities are WAY out of whack. Needless to say, I live to serve you, my loyal audience. And given how long it's been and the fact that I wasn't due for a gynecological check-up, I went ahead and did the next best thing: I...
Hey, remember back when a group of us got together and started Five Full Plates and vowed to lose weight and exercise more and clean up our homes and face our fears and generally become better, smarter, faster, and thinner than ever before? That was fun. During the challenges we put ourselves through there, I got a ton of crap done---and I also lost 10 pounds. I felt GREAT. A year and a half later, I seem to have... gained most of it back. Not all of it---most of my "victory clothing" purchases still fit---but enough that I just feel gross. And as I discussed ad nauseum over on FFP back in...
Let's do a quick review of recent world events, shall we? 1) Norway. God. What did the people of Oslo ever do to anyone? Why are there still so many people out there who think The Answer lies in blowing people up and shooting them? I don't understand. 2) Amy Winehouse. Hey, it turns out that addiction kills even people who are really, really talented. How about that. Would it be wrong to tell my kids that if they ever even try drugs I will break their legs? Because I'm okay with that if it's not going to get DFACS over here. 3) School. As in: starts in two weeks. As in: we haven't the...
I have many virtues. Well, okay, I have SOME virtues. Probably. But patience is not one of them. My feeling has pretty much always been that watching the pot is for suckers. People who are serious about boiling that water just go grab a blowtorch. As you might imagine, this hasn't always worked out particularly well for me. Still, it's been a hard lesson for me to learn. Which is probably why I've been working on it for almost forty years. Today I'm over at Off Our Chests thinking about patience, and my sometimes lack thereof. What can I say? I'm trying, I just wish it would hurry up....
There's no doubt that as I get older I get wiser, as well as less of a pain in the ass. (Okay, that last part is debatable, I suppose.) The regrets I have from my youth are plentiful, but theoretically all of THAT contributes to what I am NOW. And what I am now is more or less okay with me, as it's a good deal smarter, less impulsive, and happier than Young Me. That said, there are a few events from my past which I still cringe to recount. Not that this stops me. So if you want to head over to Off Our Chests today, you can read about the single most delinquent-esque choice of my teenage...
Actual unretouched conversation preceding this post, over breakfast: Me: Is it okay with you if I blog about last night? Otto: *raises his eyebrows in the classic "Are you on crack?" gesture* Me: No. No! Not, you know, ALL of last night. But... you know, the early parts. Otto: *shakes his head slowly, wide-eyed, conveying that I'm trying to kill him* Me: Otto! I just mean... you KNOW what I mean. I'm not going to say anything... inappropriate. But I know you're descended from Puritans and easily embarrassed, SO I'M ASKING. If it's going to mortally embarrass you, I won't. Otto: *sighing*...
I find camping very relaxing. It is only while camping that I do not feel guilty sitting down with a novel and devouring it in one sitting. At home there's always something that needs cleaning or otherwise attending to, whereas at a campsite, I consider reading and napping to be the two main categories of strenuous activity. The children, however, do not have a need to loll around and relax. They scoff at relaxing! They are plenty relaxed! They are so relaxed, they need to poke at each other and run around in circles, and then THAT will be considered calm in comparison to what comes next,...
I meant to tell you the story of the fence today, I really did. But it's not over yet, so it'll have to wait. In the meantime, just to give you an idea: Number of days the fence was supposed to take: 1, or possibly 1.5 Number of days they've been working on the fence SO FAR: 4 (and counting!) As I often say to my long-suffering husband: If I wrote it out and called it fiction, I would be accused of being ridiculous and unbelievable. But, you know, it actually happens this way. TO ME. Of course. So while we wait for the fence saga to reach its conclusion (what will it be? A completed fence or...
