Detritus Articles

Well, it was an exciting day, but the kids are asleep, the kitchen is clean, and the downstairs is picked up. Now... who wants to join me for a cup of tea and some of my homemade banana cranberry oatmeal bread?

We got up on time. A clothing crisis was averted with no yelling and I was patting myself on the back for my cool head as the children bounced downstairs. Breakfast was orderly. Lunches were packed. Happiness abounded! Snowgear was donned. We were out the door two minutes early. At the bus stop, we three took turns stomping on the ice to make it shatter, then kicking the shards into the nearest snowbank. It was fabulous entertainment for all involved, and so some time passed before I checked my watch and said, "Where's that bus?" As if on cue, my neighbor stuck her head out the window. "You...

Sheryl at Papernapkin has dubbed today, January 5, International De-Lurking Day. That means that if you visit a blog today, you must comment or bad luck will befall you, your children, your children's children, and so on and so forth. Well, not really, but hey, commenting is painless and every once in a while it wouldn't kill ya. This is your chance to see and be seen, to comment and leave your mark on the world! Er, at least to leave your mark on my blog. And I'm still sick and highly unlikely to say anything interesting today, so have at it. It's Make Your Own Entertainment day here at...

Yes, I am rapidly becoming addicted to Yahoo! Literati. Yes, I should probably try to develop some other hobbies. No, "sats" is not a word. No, neither is "diedopie." Yes, the correct usage is "On Thanksgiving I sats my ass down by the desserts and then I justabout DIEDOPIE!" I hope that clears up some things.

Santa knows me so well. He put a Veruca Salt CD in my stocking that he found in the dollar bin! (Let's not even go into my incredulity at this album being in the dollar bin, but this isn't California, ya know.) It's an excellent soundtrack for washing dishes and finally cleaning up all the trash from Christmas. And the kids aren't here to tell me to "STOP SINGING." Ha! Might this break me out of my current funk? Well, for 45 minutes or so, at least.... Should things become dire after that, dial 911 and send They Might Be Giants!

Welcome to New Hampshah, where white stuff often falls from the sky in December. Sometimes, lots of white stuff falls from the sky very quickly and then if you happen to stay out late hanging with friends across town, you can experience the singular joy of driving home in second gear while feeling like the last living person on earth. Unless, of course, you encounter another vehicle on the road. Should that vehicle approach you while fishtailing madly, you may experience brief concern over your own personal well-being given the other driver's seeming inability to command the wheel in adverse...

1) Upon arriving home from school, the children won't stop bickering. You... A) Lock them in the basement. B) Knock their heads together. C) Sell them to the gypsies. D) Convince them that you're having a blast whitewashing the fence vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning, and get them to spend an hour working for you! 2) Your parents are coming for the weekend. However, the children will be going to their father's for the night, and you have a dress rehearsal Saturday morning. You... A) Don't mention this to your folks. B) Piss your ex off by changing plans at the last minute. C) Risk the choir...

The mentally ill would be me, of course; and maybe Joshilyn, but we are going to forgive her for planting the image of people buttering dogs in my mind on account of she is pretty and nice and a published writer. Also I'm afraid she might kill me in my sleep if I speak ill of her. (Haha! Just kidding, Joss! Don't hurt me!) Today I learned the following useful things: It is possible to have a hangover from two drinks. It is only marginally cheering, while hungover, to reminder oneself that this is mostly a result of being thin. A woodpecker on the side of the house is undeterred by thumping...