July 17, 2008 | The Year of Living Changerously

You’ll have to forgive me a bit of sappiness, today, but this is what happens when I’ve just been to what was perhaps the nicest wedding I’ve ever attended (I’m not counting my own, you understand). While MY “year of living changerously” can be said to have already lapsed, on this last trip I was struck several times by the enormity of such changes for others.

Then, of course, it occurred to me that EVERY year is a year of change, for nearly everyone. But the changes wrought by love are my very favorites. I’m feeling incredibly blessed, today, to have gotten to share in some of these changes with our family and friends. This is especially true because we all know that I have chronic foot-in-mouth disease, and I remain astonished that anyone ever lets me go anywhere with them. (Hey, if I hadn’t shouted, “I THINK YOU SHOULD PULL THOSE PANTS UP A LITTLE HIGHER, OTTO!” during the pre-wedding slideshow featuring my beloved as a child in polyester bell-bottoms up to his armpits, who would’ve?) (more…)

May 21, 2008 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, It's not a regret, it's an "experience", The Year of Living Changerously

Today is the last day of school, and that means my children have survived an entire year of learnin’ courtesy of the great state of Georgia, and the more things change, the more they stay the same.

For example, I was still scrambling around this morning putting together teacher gifts, just like every year.

And I was hacking up a watermelon for a class party, last night, while complaining about it. That didn’t used to happen until June, back up north, but BELIEVE ME, it happened.

And I promised my daughter pink hair (new, true) and completely failed to deliver (not new) just the way I am always a GIANT SUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT to my daughter. Oh, wait. Strictly speaking, I suppose my INABILITY TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT is not limited to the end of the school year.

Would you like to take a turn flogging me? My arm is getting tired. (more…)

May 15, 2008 | Ottomatic For the People, The Year of Living Changerously

Dear Otto,

Happy anniversary, darling! I know I’m a few days late. I’m sorry. This is rather representative of our entire relationship, though, that it somehow just doesn’t work out the way we thought it would, timing-wise. This is not to say that it doesn’t work out, just that planning has become something of a farce ’round here.

Nevertheless, we’ve made it an entire year. It’s official and everything—even our alumni magazine announced the news in its latest issue, so I guess you’re stuck with me now. Nineteen years behind us, one of them married, and do you know what? I still think it was the very smartest thing you ever did. (It was also the smartest thing that I ever did, but I have done so very many stupid things it really wasn’t much of a contest.) (more…)

March 13, 2008 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, The Year of Living Changerously

Otto has one of these, and this morning I played with it for a while. I wanted to take a picture of something I love that feels like it’s hard to grasp, right now, because Lensbabies pictures always look like you’ve captured something fleeting.

(more…)

January 21, 2008 | Ottomatic For the People, The Year of Living Changerously

I have often said that one of the advantages of having a (mostly) not-very-good and then a (towards the end) wholly-fucked-up marriage, the first time around, is that—despite being rather high-maintenance in general (shut up)—I am so profoundly grateful for everything Otto and I have, I’m really quite easy to keep happy on the marital front.

Why yes, I DID just say he’s SO LUCKY to have me.

And I am happier, and probably healthier, as a result. Which is probably the reason why a very pretty reader of mine thought of me when she got this little assignment for a tiny little magazine, and needed someone to interview about the benefits of marriage. I was happy to help her out, and it didn’t occur to me that it was any sort of big deal. (more…)

January 17, 2008 | The Year of Living Changerously

There is snow on my deck.

There is ice on the driveway.

I ask you: Did I not leave New England so that I’d no longer have to deal with this nonsense? I think I did.

(What’s that, Otto? Oh, yes, honey. Of course. I left to be with YOU. That was my only concern. True love led me away, and nothing else mattered. You’re right, darling. Love you!)

Nevertheless, last night brought a Great Big Georgia Storm and they didn’t even have the decency to close school, today. But then the children bickered over breakfast and I realized that sure, sleeping in after checking the news would’ve been lovely, but sending them off so that I can work in peace is pretty darn nice, too. (more…)

January 9, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", The Year of Living Changerously

There have been a few times in the last six months or so when I’ve loaded up the washing machine with clothing and have later walked past the laundry area (it’s sort of a closet off of the kitchen) and stepped in some water.

This is bad, because I never wear shoes in the house and it makes my sock all soppy. Oh, I guess it’s also bad because it would appear that the washing machine has a leak. EXCEPT! Except it doesn’t always do it. And it’s never a HUGE amount of water. Just every now and then—just often enough to drive a sane person crazy, what with the wondering if THIS TIME, IS IT REALLY BROKEN? or will it stop again?—there is some water.

Me, despite being incredibly cautious in nearly all ways, I am relatively unbothered by this phenomenon because it happens so rarely. Most of the time, the washer works and doesn’t leak. How serious could it be? Whatever. Otto, however, is not so lucky. (more…)

January 2, 2008 | The Year of Living Changerously

After 15 hours in the car today (totally uneventful, really, other than the MIND NUMBING BORINGNESS and the fact that I got all loopy on diet coke and started misreading signs all over the place, including INSISTING that there had been a billboard advertising SEXY WAFFLES), I actually cheered with glee when we pulled into the driveway here at home. Then I opened up the car door and said, “ACK! It’s COLD!”

It’s 24 degrees here in Georgia. The water on our pool cover is FROZEN.

Nevertheless, I am looking forward to a night in my own giant bed (having a king bed is lovely except that it completely ruins you for sleeping on anything else) and the temperature is supposed to be back up to the 60s here in a few days. Soon, the snowbank I stepped in early this morning in New York (which filled my shoe with snow and caused me to spew obscenities before the sun was even up) will be a distant memory.

December 21, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", The Year of Living Changerously

Today is Christmas.

Yes. YES IT IS. Today is our little family Christmas, because tomorrow we get in the car for two days, and assuming that I allow the children to live until we get back up to New England, after that there will be the Big! Family! Christmas! and then Christmas with their dad and OH MY GOD I haven’t even started packing and there is so much to do and the laundry isn’t even done and I’m sure I’m forgetting something and tonight we are having Christmas here because I need a brief bit of “just us” time before we go.

Also, I refuse to schlep even more presents than necessary. Open your presents, kids! Like ‘em? Great! Go put them away! Now it’s time to go!

I would sort of like to postpone Christmas, and traveling, until everyone is healthy again, but alas, I seem to have misplaced my magic watch. (more…)

December 3, 2007 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, The Year of Living Changerously

Otto and I stayed up past midnight last night, and I probably shouldn’t tell you what we were doing, but I can tell you that it involved a lot of licking.

Oh my GOD; what is WRONG with you???

We were doing our Christmas cards. Sicko. Sheesh.

It has generally been my policy to do Christmas cards only on alternate years when Mercury is in retrograde and I’m able to dig the money for the cards out of the sofa cushions, and then I take some pictures of the kids and Photoshop them beyond recognition or transplant a head from one picture onto the body of another or something, and then I send them out bearing some terribly personal message like “Happy holidays from our home to yours!”

Boy, are you lucky if you’re on my list. (more…)